Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

24 July, 2010

Five Times a Week Average!

It is 2 a.m.*yup, in the morning*
I woke up to feed baby Seeya and could not sleep after that, so thought of putting some of my thoughts here!

Normally at 2a.m. *still in the morning only dodo* I would have thoughts unmentionable...
But then since motherhood, there has been a kind of change!

A change that is not so positively deemed by my beloved!
A change that I mentioned in my last post and it caused more ripples than me becoming a mommy!

Our AVERAGE OF FIVE TIMES A WEEK of bedroom adventures was looked at with great interest by the commenting community...in the comment section of the blog and otherwise!

Some said with disdain, ‘Only 5 times...tch, tch!’
And some others released inconspicuous cold sighs, the breath of which only I could feel till here*!

Sex!
Is there ever enough of it?
And what is enough of it?
I thought I was doing my greedy n needy beloved a bloody favour by offering myself*I deliberately want it to sound like a sacrifice at the altar* at least 5 times a week and the figures going into whooping proportions during weekends and holidays!

But men, men, men...Are they ever satisfied?
So after much cribbing one evening from his end and blasphemous duh-types accusations like:
‘You have got old!
Where should I go now if you refuse me?
Look at other wives!
Do you think we should show you to the doctor?’
And more blah, blah, blah...which I generally turn a deaf ear to...but that particular evening, about a month back, I had had enough!
However I turned and dodged, we somehow returned to it*not sex yaar....but talking about it!*
Phew!

And I contemplated...
You ungrateful soul!
You should fall on your knees and thank your lucky stars!
But since you choose to fall on your knees for purposes otherwise...it is time to set things straight*in the name of sweet Mother Mary...no puns intended guys*

I had made up my mind*it was like those scenes in the movies, where the heroine gets us from the floor with rage on her face and blood in her eyes...wipes her saliva/blood from her lips...ties her dupatta on her waist and runs towards the villain with a semi-Sunny Deol yell...okay over dramatization...please ignore*

I decided to do a little survey among friends to shut him up once and for all and also know if there is genetically something really wrong with me or terminally something very hyper about his testosterone!

So on a suitable night out with couple friends, where the men sit at one side and the women at the other*and I generally sit n brood in a corner thinking why we attend such stone-age get-togethers and how blatantly discrimination is still rampant in this world*....I broached the subject!

Okies women...so since my G*that’s Gautam for short...not short as in ANYTHING else except short in patience for saturation* feels I suck in the sack...not as in literally, how he wishes though...I need some answers from you guys to show him it is a wtf-kinda assumption!

So I asked them...
Women, fellow-sufferers, ‘weaker-sex so deemed as weak at sex’ fellas,
Lend me your ears....
How many times do you guys do it with your husbands*yup, that needs to be specified these days to maintain clarity and authenticity of any survey*?

No answers...
A ‘haw’ here and a snigger there...
Someone dared to ask me the same query to see what I’d say before venturing into the forbidden territory...

Okay...lemme break the ice...
Me n G do it about 5 times...what about you guys?
Lady 1: Oho...5 times a month...that is too high Suruchi!
Me: Er...L 1, I meant about 5 times a week!
L 1: *goes into a silent mode and suddenly looks at the floor with such intent n purpose that you’d think she was doing a thesis into marble flooring*

L 2: That’s a high figure...but since you guys don’t have kids, it is possible...
Kids kinda kill sex!
Me: Oh...that’s weird...considering if it were not for sex these kids would have not arrived in the first place!
L 3: Yes, every time we kinda come close or even get ‘touchy’, there would be the baby pissing or howling for feed or just plain so curious that he’d get up to sit n stare as though he has front row tickets to watch a blockbuster porn!

Me:  Oh Ya? That means G is subjecting me to so much atyachaar and not even giving me credit for it!
L 4: Okay let us tell your G that his is a super duper average!

Me: I don’t think he’d be satisfied with that!
What about experimentation?
*I was dodging now into very forbidden territory...so I became a little cautious...like the tigress stalking the preys with feather-light steps so that they may not fly away in fear*

L 4: Oh experimentation is just for the first year of marriage...when you experiment with each other’s body!
Me: Oho...I mean not THAT kind of exploration. This is experimentation...taking things to higher level...you know*yes, even I actually have some lajja, sharam n hayya to actually blurt out things at the onset..I need to establish a foundation first*



L 3: You mean if we do the ‘job’ well?
Me: Er...that and other things!
L 4*now opening up*: I hate the jobs...I managed to do it once and would not want to do it again!

As regards the other people’s reactions...let’s not go there...I am as it is accused of opening my mouth too much...to put my own foot in it of course!

6 out of the 8 women*actually out of 7, because one of them remained non-committal throughout for any and every matter, with a pressed lips smile that said she was registering it all to eventually relate it in bed to her husband at the end of this, without missing even a single gory detail*
Okay, so 6 out of 7 women just nodded, or shook their heads or looked embarrassed...every n all of which reactions left me more mystified than ever!

Me*not yet giving up*: And what about the handcuffs or feather strings or situational dressing and, and....

Before venturing into more possibilities n propositions, I looked around...
There were aghast faces looking back at me and eye balls rolling under the half bent eyelids...
If we were in the age of Saint Jones, when supposed witches were burnt on wooden poles in the market place...I’d probably be on the pole next to her!

Alrite...I did not want them to go home with a cultural shock!
So I rested my case!

Fine...I anyways had enough proof to set my beloved right!
When he tells me “look at other wives” I at least had some arsenal up my sleeve to blow him off with!
And not THAT blow...for goodness’s sake!

Arre...already 4 a.m. ...time for Seeya to wake up for her next feed...
So adios amigos...until next time!

34 comments:

Madhu said...

i think i am commenting first here..
being unmarried probably does make me a little weak on this subject,but hey,do it as many times as u please..but yeah! Be dutiful in getting credentials for that too..after all married does not mean "always available"

hope seeya is adjusting well..:)
hugs to both of u!

Anonymous Someone said...

strangely, you lend it a humourous touch...I mean the posts.

Hopeless Romantic said...

he’d get up to sit n stare as though he has front row tickets to watch a blockbuster porn!

ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

WarmSunshine said...

i agree with madhu... ummm i dun have my own opinion to add on this one hehe!

Ria said...

He he too good ya!! Love ur posts with a humorous touch.

Americanising Desi said...

ONLY 5 TIMES a week? :( NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MORE MORE :D

The Bald Guy said...

*Email*

Bikramjit said...

ok ok ok I guess i shud not have said this in my earlier comment on the earlier post .. 5 times a week YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

there you go KHUSH ....

awesome the L1 wowo.. now i loved her reply MONTH.. ooops she sure has a lot up tocatch up with ...

this post has been hilarious i am laughing my head off.. I need to show it to my wife i guess...
and then who know ha ha haah aha hahah

JAHANPANAH TUSIN GREAT HON JI... hats off .. to you aj ton baad you my virtual world guru.. my lord ...

I could go on and on , on the answers the ladies gave but that will be very OHT ... and oooh now you got a baby so nothing scandalous :)

and yes you indeed are doing a favour to your Mr. ji ... and yeh kya what d oyou mean MEN are never satisfied .. are satisfied hote hain its jsut that
"YEH DIL MANGE MORE "

he he he ... glad you returned to IT.. yeah wohi jo aapne likha TALKING about it :)

Mr Happy said...

hilarious one hot mommy ji :P
i dont know if they will burn u like a witch or not , but surely next time when u have a get together , all ladies will make sure that you dont get near to their husbands ;)

and - he’d get up to sit n stare as though he has front row tickets to watch a blockbuster porn!!!!!!!!!! wat does that mean in practical i m still trying to figure out :P

FYI Porn classification is either gud or bad thats it :P


PS : ur G is surely lucky :)

mohit said...

oh wow...ure a mom now???

amazing...congratulations !!

and lovely name...seeya
hope all's great
:)

Rishi said...

hawwww... just for my gk.. aisi biwi kaha milti hai... i can use it for future reference


or may be make someone read this post and emotionally black mail em...

pRasad said...

Five times a week is definitely not too much :) ..

nikita said...

hehe...
loved it..

married people are so..lucky.....

i am wid divaaa- only five times a weeek...lolz..

CutePriya said...

ha..ha...loved the post...

Shalini said...

Loved your post... it was rather cute !! and yeah 5 times a week before kids is kinda normal for "some" couples and post kids... 5 times a month is "normal" !!!

So relax and do it your way !!!

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Be careful otherwise one of these days one of the husbands may sue you for corrupting his innocent and chaste wife. Enjoyed all puns which only you can say with straight face. LOL.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi Mady...
Nobody is weak on the subject of physicalities...
It’s just that some have tested the waters n some are have just dipped their feet in it;-)
Yes..credentials are a must!:-)

Seeya is doing fine...both she n mommy have adjusted now to it all:-)
Thanks

suruchi said...

Hi Anon Someone...
Yes..I know what u mean;-)
I always lend “it” a humorous touch...the posts I mean too:-)

Helloooooooow HR...
Glad u laughed...let u get married n have kiddos n then we’ll see;-)

Hi WS...never mind no opinion...as long as u give me the laughs n comments;-)

Hi Ria...thank u baby:-)

suruchi said...

@AD...arre..if five times a week was less...wonder what u people would have to say now...as post baby n motherhood...the average has dipped to all time low:-)

@Tbg..yup..saw email n answered:-)

suruchi said...

@Bikramjit..
Yes...u are partially responsible for this post with ur comment on the last one!

And okay now that u have yay yay-ed it all...khush...bahuuuuuuuuuut khush:-)

L1 would not be too happy if I tell her you loved her replies!;-)

I hope u showed this to your wife n got lucky;-)

And JAHANPANAH TUSSI GREAT HO to bol diya..magar uske baad “hats off” nahi..pants off karte hain;-)

Thank u for the ‘guru’ post...I am now waiting for my dakshina;-)

And baby n scandal ka koi relation nahi..I intend to stay as I was:-)
Thank you for the awesome comment:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Mr Happy,
Hot mommy ji khush hue!
And ladies anyways let me get too close to their husband..I am loved by both sexes..;-)*I guess I am blessed:-)*

Please don’t ask me to explain the practicality...wait till u get married n have kids...zindagi sab sikha dege:-)

Thanks for emphasizing on G’s luck...wish he’d do that too!

suruchi said...

@Hi Mohit...
Yup..mom now...see one month you stay away from my blog n what things I get upto*no puns intended*

All is well..thank u:-)

@Hey Rishi...
Aise biwi har aurat mein hote hain*just for drama’s sake* ...sahi pati milna chahiye jo usse baahar nikaal sake;-)

And u can get ur wife to be friendly to me...I’ll pass all the gyan to her!
Lols:-)

suruchi said...

@Hi pRasad...
Omg..et tu...okay... “man” kind...yeh to bolna he tha;-)

@Hi Nikita...
I guess married people are lucky...
But singles can get lucky with variety...
We get lucky with regularity*huh? even I didn’t understand that...so don’t bother*
:-)

@Hello CutePriya..thanks

suruchi said...

@Shalini...Hi..wow..thanks yaar...wish I could do it “my” way;-)

@Hello Jack...
Thank u...I feel so good when someone like u praise me for my puns instead of blasting me...I am glad humour is appreciated...
And if one of those husbands suing me is cute...then okaaaaaaaay...bring them on...handle kar lenge;-)

Rishi said...

:)

sure thing ma'am...

Sovina said...

oh boy! what a post..but i can sure expect that from you and what comments..read each and every one of them...now for the kind of discussion and exploration that this subject requires between you and me..this comment box is not a good place..so shooting you an email..:)

Anand Madhav said...

Suruchi,

I wonder If i never read your blog, I would have missed the eternal soucee of knowledge and wisdom, acquired by you over the years(yes I m pointing to your old age).
(pun intended)

Nice post!

blunt edges said...

And just when I thought maybe this place has become a, for lack of a better word, "serious" place (coz I first read the "I am" post), I'm pleasantly greeted by this super-hilarious post!! :D

5 times a week. Woohoo!!

suruchi said...

Hi Sovi...
Oye...waiting for that mail...
We need to discuss life altering...earth shattering matters here...
So no delay;-)
Thanks for going through not just the post but even the comments...
I often wonder if anyone bothers to read all these long coneversations I create here in the comment area:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Anand,
Please don’t wonder...wonder at Tumblingthoughts is a blunder...
Ask n thou shalt be enlightened!
:-)
And old age kisko bola...
Abhi only 32 yaar!
1 year younger to Aishwarya Rai...so I can still kick ass;-)
Thanks for always being around!

suruchi said...

Hiyya Blunts,
This place would become a “serious” one if you keep disappearing on n off from here...
You and Bucking are a source of much motivation for me...for you both keep my flirting instincts honed!
:-)
Woo hoo, na?
Now if only husbands thought the same as boyfriends!

Dr Roshan R said...

hmmmm... i'd say G should have been pleased to be getting it 5 times a week, esp considering you've already had a kid.. but then again, I guess we men will be men :)

suruchi said...

Hehe...Dr Roshan...
The story stated was the scenario prior to the baby
Oho...abhi to sensex mein bada bhaare giraavat aaye hain;-)

Anyways...what u say is right “men will be men”;-)

Alka Gurha said...

The topic got my attention...Kudos to ur honesty in writing.(Singapore being poor mans foreign destination). Hv been writing for long but blogging is recent for me....Am glad I found ur blog....

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