I am Crushed-Yiy, yiy, yiy!

I have a big, fat, humungous, whopping, dinosaur-ic crush! I needed to supply so many adjectives above to emphasize on the urgency of the situation because otherwise small, tiny, miniscule, trivial, miniature crushes are an everyday ritual with me. Yes people, in my last post I mentioned why we need a husband husband happy-check and here please let me not leave the gyan incomplete and enlighten you also on the necessity of needing a “crush” to keep you from being crushed when ghar ke murgi becomes daal baraabar whatever the connotations there you may assume.

Most of the romantic flicks tell you to close your eyes and you’d see the image of that special someone whom you truly love. Now a word of warning-these stunts are performed by experts and can be dangerous, if tried at home without professional guidance and lead to misguided inferences. Why I say so?

For when I tried doing the same...I mean I closed my eyes and waited for a face...Waaaaaaaaaaiting....Aaaaaaaaaaand....

Voila!

Wtf!

There was a bloody party!

Bah!

Dumb love stories?

Naah!

Dumb reality!

I tell you it’s bloody too much to expect in kalyug for eyes to drop when you view a tempting dish cross your path. Even for a “Bharatiye, Pativrata, abla, sarv gun sampan” naari like me. Please don’t ask me to translate that...there’s something called drama for heaven’s sake. And the object of my affection is a geek god cum Greek god at my gym. Mmmmm! I have seen him grow. Please don’t get me wrong my dear one-track minded friends. I mean, I was there when this boy came! Uff, I think I am still not ‘raising’ the right picture, am I?

Okay, cut to a few months back...

Me doing my regular thingy in the gym nopes, that does not mean “not exercising” so wipe off that grin and the door opens...

In comes with a hawa ka jhooka, as if in a slow motion Yashraj movie- A sweet, introvert looking kinda gawky twenty something of a boy!

A bottle water bottle for Christ’s sake in one hand and a napkin offo, a regular male napkin in another! About 5 feet 9 or 10 inches that’s his height dodos....please note the usage of “feet” there  and milk white skin. As against the black as tar counterparts already in the gym, he was literally a bright ray of sunshine. He had spectacles on his cute countenance and so dismissed by me based on face value as another wanna-be gym-goer. He also had a sombre, no faltu-baat demeanour to boot!

Okay and cut to now...

Me doing my regular thingy in the gym-yup, that means ogling at him every once in a while through the many mirrors, otherwise persistently drooling dil he dil mein and sighing. And he’d be pumping weights ooh...couldn’t I have been that dumbbell curled in his wrist?  His facial muscles stretched to perfection on his taut cheek bones. His little jersey clings to his well chiselled frame, sweat pours like drops of manna off his forehead, muscles ripple through his arms and everywhere else. His walk is suddenly super sexy and confident, skin glowing to a more manly white whatever that is supposed to mean And those spectacles are not adorning his face while he works out.

Aaaah! The pain in the heart taking me straight to my favourite mode-‘The What-If mode’! What-if he was older or better still I were younger? What if he was floored by me too silently in heart of heart or what if I was not married?

What if someday a wall in the gym falls and he comes just in the nick of time to save me by taking the bricks on his solid shoulders and I get up to say “Thank you! You saved my life.” And he says, “How could I not? Your life is not yours alone from now on!” and we get lost in each other’s eyes...

You think THIS thought is ridiculous?

Well hear this then. Some years ago, I remember watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hain and thinking of some Prince Charming coming to drag me off my shaadi ka mandap and putting me on a white horse and taking me away to live happily ever after. Never mind if I had no boyfriend or even a crush in consideration who would show any possibilities of such insanity and never mind either that the idea of getting on that white horse is matter of a completely hypothetical situation and never mind to the heights that my Prince Charming that is my dearly beloved was already waiting at the altar.

Alright shut up dream sequences-back to reality*bursting all my thought bubbles...boo hoo*

So do you get the picture now of how this boy next door looks-the forbidden apple, that could very well turn me into Eve! His transformation leaves me breathless. It’s like Peter Parker turning into Superman! I know Peter Parker was Spiderman dearies...But I think Peter Parker was more geeky for reference’s sake than Superman as the regular guy and alrite sue me for I don’t remember Superman’s name as the regular guy. I have better things to do on this planet now than remember the name of a superhero when he’s not even one. How duh can that be!

Without his spectacles and the newly found body it was not lost anywhere, just properly emerged in all its glory he is a treat to tired eyes and well even if they aren’t tired, I make sure they do get after my work out in the gym. I don’t know his name or religion or profession or age. But then age no bar caste no bar sex no bar. I mean sex as in the gender...Ache cheez ke taareef karne ke liye bas!

 So while my students had also trickled during summer vacations, I basked in my evening sessions at the gym and hence my crushing began! Vacations over-evening classes on again-so back to gyming in the morning....

And my choti se love story gets nipped in the bud!

P.S. Author subjected to high risks of hyper exaggerations!

(Family reading this-happy-check)

;-)

Why we need a husband?

Nope...not because who would pay our bills otherwise!
Definitely not for we can’t blame destiny or the government all the time!
N also not because not everything can be answered by Google!

Husband is a strange specimen!
But before we realize we want one...we must know why we actually need him!

Imagine your face filled up with pimples*okay, that’s quite ghastly even for imagination...not filled up but kinda bursting out at spots with them*
At a tragic time like this, he would be the one who would still cup your face in his hands and not search for a spot that is blemish free.
He’d leave a moist imprint of his kiss and tell you, you are still beautiful!

You’d be walking down the road together and while the others compliment you on the dress...dear husband would be the one to notice that your feet look pretty today for you have applied nail paint on it after a while*never mind if he forgot to observe the outcome of Rs. 500 blown on your last hair cut!*

He’d be the unhesitant volunteer to cuddle you, if you moan and wake him up in the middle of the night n from his deepest of slumber and say,
“Suno ji...so gaye kya? Mujhe neend nahi aa rahe hain!”
And he’d wake up with a start, all nervous to ask if all was okay!
And then keep you cosy in his arms...
His palm not giving up on patting your head, even while his tired eyes refuse to open up!

You need a husband, for times when you stand facing a show window and looking greedily at an over prized designer wear that would be a crime to buy and a sin to leave...And he’d walk over from behind and say, “Take it. It’s been a while since I have gifted you anything!”

Only a husband would be as excited about your girls’ day out as all the girls themselves *Never mind, if it is just to get gory details of your escapades*
But he’d tell you to have fun and don’t bother about home for he’ll manage the show!
And he’d be the one, who would not call, to embarrass you, but be messaging you, as soon as it gets dark for he wants you to be home safe!

It is only a husband, who’d go into the “I-am-useless-for-I-can’t-keep-my-wife-happy” mode at the slightest hunch of you in the blues...
Or keep asking you persistently “what’s wrong?” even when you tell him to lay off rudely!
The day you appear less than usual chirpy, he’d call you as soon as he reaches office, although a hundred impending tasks threaten him!
You need him you’ll realize, when he sends a message from office with a smiley face for no reason at all...

You need a husband, for when you feel grumpy like the world’s been a nightmare he’d find ways to mend it, even if it is not his fault!

You would look at the watch and ask him to make a move from your parents place and he’d insist on you both staying a little longer, for he feels your family is yet not satiated of having you to stare, pamper n care!

If you find yourself stuck in a crowd of unknown faces and known bored feelings, there’ll be a face looking out for you, just as you’d be looking out for him...
That face is of a husband, who wants to make sure the woman he brought in on his arm, is not lost and not just physically!

You need a husband, for he’ll not break into a “bachelor’s” party when separated from you, even for a while...but lie dull n low for he’ll openly acknowledge there’s no joy without you, even in the merriest of recreations!

He’s a strange creature I tell you, for he would be having funny ailments gnawing his own body, but would panic at the idea of you having to suffer, even just by a minor muscle pull. He’d never be able to pick up the phone to get his own doctor’s appointment...But he’ll never be able to forget reminding you to make yours, till you get frustrated and give in!

In sleep, he would unknowingly grope with his hands on the bed, till your skin comes within the reach of his searching fingers and then continue to sleep!
Even in his subconscious, he would want to hold you!

You need a husband for when you say “I do not like wet towels on the laundry basket”, he’d be willing to let go of old habits!
Tell him, ‘Why can’t you at least hang your shirt on the hanger of the cupboard, if you decide not to wear it?” and find some 8 shirts nicely opened and floating over the rods, but at least not strewn across the bed!

It’s a husband, who would give in to feed you Chinese food for you want  it, despite him not enjoying it...turn the car to go back to get you an ice cream, even when you’ve almost reached home!

A husband would not think you less, although your eye brows need mending like with a lawn mower...
He would not mind the comfortable cotton underclothes*although appreciate seductive satin of once in a while with incomparable enthusiasm* for it makes you feel better rather than looking better!
In fact you can still be wearing the faded night shirt since time immemorial and that would not detest him from exploring what is within it!

It is a husband who would say he’s the happiest man on earth, when on his birthday, all that you gift him, is yourself wrapped in new, sexy lingerie!

To a husband you can show the emergence of white hair and even make him count them to console you later, when you crib about it!
He would not mind*okay, at least not all the time*if you do not take a shower before coming to bed!

You would see the glitter of pride in his eyes, when you look extra ravishing on a particular night out...like maybe Bill Gates would have upon receiving his first recognition for the ownership of something exquisite!
It is a husband who would beam with equal joy as you, when others appreciate his wife or look at him with envy!

So although having a boyfriend or live-in partners can be learning grounds for the ultimate experience....
There’s no feeling as liberating as taking someone for granted to love you no matter what...
To have never an iota of doubt behind the reason why he is so affectionate with you...and would he be like this forever?
To be unabashedly yourself before him, with your flaws and finesse!
To know he would never say ‘let’s take a break’!

Not everything that is being done from ages is redundant!
You need a good husband...and you ought to make it a good marriage to know how it feels!

If Only-Another Side of the same Coin!

*Hi friends...This post is in response to a fiction story I wrote last week titled "If Only"
Much to my extreme pleasure, an anonymous follower of my blog has taken the efforts to write his version of the story, from the boy's point of view!
I cannot express how flattered this has made me feel, for this write up is almost flawless...
And to think, my story inspired this...I feel super-duper...Hope you enjoy this too!
Thank you Mr. Anonymous for this...I so wish you'd tell me who you are, but glad you came around anyway:-)*

The grass looked more green...the sky a little more blue...the wind a little more warm as the days neared.

He stood in the corner of the rusty gates of the chapel. The decoration lights were already put on, but still the setting sun's glare made them shy in their own light. His eyes searched through the crowds for her.

The eager stream of people with their overtly sprayed cologne and dabbed face powder were roaming aimlessly exchanging fake pleasantries. But it’s easy to recognize a fake happy face in the crowd of genuine smiles. He saw her.

She hadn’t changed much, but still somehow looked a bit older or rather, say a bit more mature.
She was trying to get rid of her innocence it seems.

The white silk gown was tightly wrapped around her, merging with her hues as if it was an extension of her white skin. He was amused as how a girl who never touched makeup in her life was hiding under the generous dabs of foundation.

He didn’t mean to stay, but he still found it funny how every look at her face made him fall in love with her all over again. He loved it once, today he hated it.

The kajal in her eyes was slowly smearing and she relentlessly tried to clean in with the edge of her handkerchief.

Those eyes were tired of waiting but still refused to dry up.

That moment he knew he owed her more than that, he couldn’t just leave her and assume her to understand. She was snobby he knew. She would never understand and wait. She deserved more.

The colourful lights had by now found their glitter and shone under the navy blue sky.

Slowly as if guided by hidden soldiers, the crowd started to make way to the neatly arranged chairs with their civilised jostle for the aisle seat.

In the corner the groom stood with beads of sweat on his forehead. Under the plastic smile and lumps of sweat and powder, he contemplated of a new future. New life waiting under a thin veil of time. For better or for worse.

Under the hood of confusion, he made his way across the hall. He wondered if this guy knew how it tickled her when you run your finger over her naval button, if he knew how she loved to be bitten just under the cheekbone below her left ear and closed her eyes as a kitten on her master's lap. Maybe he does not know about how meanly she bites your lower lip, which she says that is her mark on you.

For a moment he thought he should tell him, but decided against it.

He had urgent things to do; he had to meet her and breakdown in her arms. He has to end it all.

He slowly slipped through the closed door near the staircase. He could smell her presence near somewhere. She was there, lost dejected as if tired of the ongoing war of her life. She was alone, maybe waiting for her father to walk her down the aisle.

He shed his darkness and walked before her. She looked up and stared at him with lifeless eyes as if not believing his presence, ignoring his existence. He clutched her hand and dragged her under comforting darkness under the stairs.

He breathed harder on to her neck...
She noticed how her goose bumps surfaced by his mere touch.

As if a switch was flicked on, soon her eyes were baring all those hidden questions and anger. Then slowly, he saw her melting into him, the pain of his digging fingernails were maybe in no comparison to the pain of her heart.

He jerked back to reality; he knew he could not allow that. He has to let her go, no explanations can suffice, no pain can hurt her anymore, she had frozen her soul, and giving it new warmth of love is not going to help her.

He let go of her hands but in the next instant he cupped her face...

He has to go, go back into the little box of her past, he cannot be her future hence he has no right to be her present. Then why was he here...he wondered about his own intensions as he burnt again for her...a fire that he had never known with anyone else and never admitted of its intensity even to her!

Yes, he needed her mark on his lower lip before he left...for good!!

He kissed her for one last time.

His mouth closed in and opened worlds together within her and she knew no matter how passionate the kisses may be with anyone else who ever ventured that way...she would never be able to let go of the mind numbing effect he had on her. She would never be able to get that slight shiver of her lips coming in contact with his delicious mouth...that rhythmic movement of their tongues...the satiating feeling of his saliva in her mouth and how his hands moved along with the perfect synchrony!

Then he stood there and slowly broke into a grin...the world was no more mysterious....
Let the grass have all the green, let the sky get all the blue...but he had experienced his whole life in an instant.

He strolled out of the church gate, leaving behind a little squeak of the rusts.

He took out the paper from his back pocket he has been carrying for a month. A paper that decided he will not be granted more than 6 months of life. Pancreatic cancer they said will kill him....he wondered will it really?

He threw away the paper; he threw away the burden of death that he carried for so long. Because he just left his life back in the chapel to be handed over to a stranger.

Walking styles decoded!

For the longest time...my favourite source of amusement used to be walking-that is, till I discovered that indoors can be just as much fun as outdoors! ;-)
Walking is so enlightening*nope, not in the ‘Buddha getting it under the tree’ way but something as close as ‘Newton getting it under the tree’ way...pop drops an idea every now and then*


I am telling you...one of these days I would be world famous for some of my theories becoming established as certified facts...and my name taken with the ranks of Galileo, Einstein, Princess Diana, Columbus, Mother Teresa:
For example:
1. A man with big palms makes a great lover*not as in ‘on his feet mush’ lover but ‘in your sack n rack’ lover!
2. You can tell the strength of a man by his voice*yes, you can...a squeaky person can never have a larger than life persona...and look nobody ever told you that except good old Tumbling Thoughts...off-The lives we alter!*
3. A good kiss is as good as a good f@#$and can get you there where no man has gone before*no elucidation invited for this one -“at work” till further notice!*
4. Oho...never miiiiind...even in theories I can’t think straight:/
And I also think this post is not about my hypothesis, anyways!
Wtf...Why can’t you guys ever let me stay on one track! Fie! Fie!


Okay...so walking styles!
It’s no hidden truth that I go for my evening walk every...duh...it had to be evening only, right! Waise going for an ‘evening walk’ in the morning is very much possible considering some of the essays I check of my students...but then again...phew! Another track some other time!


So during my walking sojourns...my senses seem to be hyper active and I tend to notice things...or maybe I have no choice else except just walking and watching along....for there’s no one to hold hands with, or cling to...or crib saying ‘I can’t walk any further...please pick me up’*yes I know dear readers, it is anyways not possible to expect ANYONE to pick ME up...so stop giggling at this point n making a mental note of commenting about it later in my comment box*


Lately I seem to notice that people walk in many different ways!
Sure we all have the same hands and the same legs and the same stuff in between them all...ya, ya...that too...yet, yet, yet....


1. The Smooth Operator:
This one walks as though he is *mentally* gliding...I always imagine this ‘uncle’ just might someday raise his right hand Superman style and rise up in the sky after producing red underwear over his blue jeans...
But that thought requires so much of my concentration at his lower half, anticipating the development of the red ones anytime that I have chucked the idea of being the one to discover him altogether!


2. The Grasshopper:
Well, for why else but because he hops while he walks...so every time I adjust my eyes to keep him in one line of frame...in the next instant, he goes whoosh down, making me use all my energies in my already pent up body to lower my eyelids along with my eye lashes and some facial muscles, to notice him having gone down by a few centimetres!
Why do I bother to ‘look’ at him anyways, you ask?
Well, dodo...this is called taking multi-tasking at the next supreme level...
I am giving my eye lids an exercise along with the rest of the body!
*I am soooooooo brilliant...I scare myself sometimes ;-)*

3. The Break Dancer:
This one has too much excitement to control in his not so tiny frame... so that when he walks you can actually see all his muscles flexing n shaking to keep pace! You will also notice*if you put the entire scene in slow motion format like in movies* how all the weight from the right side of his tummy would travel to the left side like a giant sea wave and then get back to its place before repeating the routine!
With due respect to fat people*for I belong to your clan*I always thought his paunch would reach a place ages before the rest of him followed! I mean it is a big wonder why this dude never loses any weight, for he gyrates like his life depends on it!
I also wonder if I play loud music on the street someday...would he break into a jive*sooo tempted to find out some day*!

4. The Hammer Man:
Nope...that’s not a new superhero my friends...This one walks as though he has a hammer tied up somewhere between his legs! I mean keeping aside the pun-ny implications that this might evoke...the Hammer Man walks precariously putting one foot before the other and settling the ‘things’ in between with each baby step! He could even give Tendulkar a run for his money, in adjusting his assets while in the act!
For heaven’s sake...but that’s one display of assets that we don’t want to see!
But no...He’d be walking up to you and leave you with no choice but to imagine the weirdest possibilities for his erratic walk! And the worst is, he sometimes has a wife walking with him*nope, that’s not the worst part to it* and she walks with her legs slightly more spread out than usual...
So God bless my hyper-active, fertile mind to derive at the potential prospects to lead to such a scenario!


5. The Burster:
Nope...it does not say bust-er...there is an “r” there...
But yes, The Burster would be a woman! This dear lady walker wears clothes that would burst at the mere hint of an over stretching of her limbs!
So every time she takes a little longer stride, I go whoaaa with a hand on my heart...and then just as my heart beats drop to the point of relaxation, she raises her hand to stretch and I go wobbly again like walking on a rolling pole in air! I wonder what threads hold those hems and what efforts get her into those things she smears her body with*read that as clothes*
But unabashed, she walks like she’s the queen of the world...mast haathi ke chaal!

6. The Baby Stepper:
She walks with baby steps!
Okay, I know that’s not self explanatory so you are looking with a gaping mouth at the screen wondering ‘how’s that unusual?’
Well, imagine you have to go to pee as in reaallllllllllllyyyyyy badly and you can’t! You try harder*to control that is* but you can’t!
So what do you do...you scrunch your facial muscles and you squeeze your thighs together and walk, with your feet almost one in front of the other!
Yup...now you get the picture?
And she walks like THAT for almost an hour!
Makes me think of starting ‘Sulabh Shauchalaya’ in public gardens too*now that’s why I had added Mother Teresa to the list of examples above in the introduction to categorise me with*
 
So cases like these galore!
There’s an aunty who walks everyday belonging to one of the elitist families of my town...but one day*woe to that day*I discovered her kurta up *can’t say pants down here, can I?*and squatting facing the wall, obviously to attend nature’s call!


I have also seen a family friend- a dear old middle aged woman, who walks ahead of me sometimes with her kurta going inside the crack of her butt!
And her hips going in ‘one ball up and another ball down’ routine, jutting out oh-so-conspicuously from the rest of the body! OMG!*I run for dear life!*


Then, there are also couples behind bushes....of all sexes!


Phew! Walking! Walking!
Truly a catharsis experience!
I don’t know if I follow the ridiculous or the ridiculous follows me...
But I seem to have invisible antennas inbuilt somewhere that uncannily catch the frequency of the outrageous with stupefying precision!


And what do “I” do while walking?
Well, well...you’d just have to follow me around to find that out now, won’t you? ;-)

P.S. That picture of that awesome looking dame above...how I wish it was me...but alas it is not!
Just thought should let you guys know before my fan following rises due to misconceptions!;-)

If Only....

(It is said that the best love stories are those that remain incomplete...are they?)

He breathed harder on to her neck...
She noticed how her goose bumps surfaced by his mere touch...and now when he clutched her wrists with the force of his strong palms, pressing her against the wall...not just her hands but her entire body was in a grip!
His grip! She crumpled within like a wrinkled piece of fragile paper!
She felt his strength...the strength of a man...like never before!

He pressed closer to her petite frame almost enveloping her every inch with his own and she felt her own breathlessness due to the proximity again!
Again! After such a while!
Again...as though it had never been gone!
Although not gentle as before...neither wild as she was used to...
This was unusually different...almost fanatic...as though he was possessed!
She thought she knew all shades to him...but revelations yet never ceased to emerge at every twist and turn of this roller-coaster ride of love!
Love...was it really?

She stood there, not daring to move...nor willing either!
They hardly had a choice...crushed under the miniscule dark space under the staircase, they could not move without risking the chance of baring their clandestine union.

He had pushed her there...from where he knew she could not escape!
Where he knew he’d get his chance to say all he wanted to and do what he willed! So much like him...always doing just as HE willed!
And so much like her...always letting him!

He looked into her nervous eyes fluttering from right to left, fearing the voices that were calling her name, would come too soon to check in there too! Everyone of her family was within the vicinity and yet she was here, where if discovered the brunt of shame would be irredeemable!
But she was wondering...did she really care?

He let go of her hands but in the next instant he cupped her face...as if he knew it was safe to release her and she would not fight any longer!
He read her thoughts even before they were formed in her subconscious!
So physically n soulfully he held her like that as seconds passed by, where there was just a breath in the exterior but a storm within.

What else would you call it, for she was going to walk the aisle just a few hours later and the man in front of her now...was not the one who would be waiting to hold her hand at the end of that aisle!
Damn you for doing this now....she cursed him within even as she bit the edge of her lips in a bout of half exasperation n half despair!
She was a fiery woman of business before the world...but with him, she became his little kitten, wagging for attention and purring with shameless delight when given!

She had told him umpteenth times that she was not going to wait for him forever...almost five years of togetherness was enough...or perhaps not!
She had told him that her parents were looking for a suitable boy and if he did not present himself as one...does not mean that they would not end up finding another! He had laughed it off.
She had stopped all communication with him a month back, clearly indicating that it was over when the NRI boy had walked past the maze and floored her parents off their feet! Before she could say a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ a quick wedding date was proposed and she flowed along in others’ jollity of her future in the U.S.A.! She flowed along in the mockery of the trifles and sham in her own eyes! The whole town knew she had gotten engaged and so did he!

And no contact since then!
Not a moan...not a whimper...not an attempt to get back till today!
Why not then? Why now? What now?
Today when she is getting married...and today like a thief...coming to her without the slightest hunch to anyone in the house!
He did have a knack of entering the space not meant for him and make himself so at home, as though it never knew how it was to be without him!

She tried opening her mouth to protest...blood rushing to her face expressing her distress more strongly than words could ever!
He closed it with his own mouth...hungry, probing wanting to penetrate deep as though to leave his imprint forever to warn trespassers!

She pressed her lips together to resist but with every soft pressure of his unrelenting mouth...she gave up on all strength or will to stop him!
She opened her mouth and let him dig deep, for sensing again the familiarity of such passionate kisses, always left her wobbly in the knees!
It was not as though she was just physically succumbing...or just her eyes were automatically closing in to sink in to the feeling. She knew in another, her mind would completely shut too...
Shut off to the noises...the background...to the idea of what is right or wrong!
And it did!

She was conscious of her name being called out in the backdrop somewhere...but it seemed so distant like the rumbling of engines in a far away field...when all she was surrounded by was unadulterated peace.
Such pure physical pleasure, which when grips is a high like no other!
The gratification of sensory indulgence...a drug in itself...is inexplicable to those who have never experienced it and ravenous for those who’ve tasted it once...like the cool shower tumbling over a scorched patch of earth!

His mouth closed in and opened worlds together within her and she knew no matter how passionate the kisses may be with anyone else who ever ventured that way...she would never be able to let go of the mind numbing effect he had on her. She would never be able to get that slight shiver of her lips coming in contact with his delicious mouth...that rhythmic movement of their tongues...the satiating feeling of his saliva in her mouth and how his hands moved along with the perfect synchrony!



He kissed like no one she had known and she had known some!
He filled her with him, with every stroke he made...his teasing lips provoking her to fight and then gradually give in...leaving him with a sense of a thrashing power!
And he was drunk in that power over her!
Her soft moans despite herself were clear indications of it!
With him even simple kisses were akin to making love...so much was the involvement of every pore, that he would bring alive!
So hot his persistence made her that she began to sweat and her insides suffocated, made her heave with all she had!

And then in the next instant...just like that...
He let go!
His hands unconfined her bewildered face and his wild mouth rudely wrenched away from her greedy lips!
And he looked at her!

Just looked for a few seconds more with the corners of his lips breaking into a smile that she could not fathom!
Was he mocking her?
Was this his way of a good bye?

And just as he had come...he drifted to go!
She held him by the sleeve...her red eyes burning with rage and looking questioningly and piercingly at him!
Yet no word did come out!
God knows she tried to speak...to blame...to reason...but it seemed that her words were choked into her throat due to that passionate communion!

He was the devil...he knew this would happen!
He was not here to love....he was here to hate!
And with that realization something cringed within her, as she gave up on her grasp off his silk shirt!

And just like that he slinked away, becoming a face in the crowd of merry jostlers, returning back to being the ethereal!

She stood still watching the thin air where stood his frame not a while ago!
Stood like a statue till someone discovered her...and carried away to wear the garbs of her new life...the life that had ended even before it began!

The Grand Finale of The Tumbling Awards-Part 3!

Welcome back to the final part of the Tri-series of The Tumbling Thoughts Awards night! Did I mention you all look gorgeous in your beautiful attires?*making it sound like the Oscars or should it be the Booker...we truly deserve it yaar!*

So the wait would finally be over now:
Moving on to the next category...
YOUR BLOG IS OVER THE TOP AWARD

And the recipients are:
Tanvii @The Fabulous Life of Not-So-Rich and Infamous
Shayon @Shayon's Labyrinth
Nads @Desi - Pardesi
Lena @The Colors Magazine



The hot girl next door Tanvii...She is what every girl dreams to be...fit n pretty and a head turner with simplicity!
She could be a great writer, a superb model but for the fact that her fashion sense deserves to be show cased just as well!
She is witty n pretty...and they don’t make many of those anymore! What’s more she’s so super humble and friendly that you wouldn’t think you are talking to a fashionista!
You rock in all you do and how you do it!

Sweet Shayon...When I first saw your picture on my comment, I thought you were like a mean biker types with loads of attitude! N then I saw your shirtless pictures and the cute chubby cheeks ones in later posts and soon OMG you made a space in my heart! You are so good with me and a have a superb knack of making everyday mundane things into readable n interesting stuff! So get your cute ass back to writing and also to giving long comments on my posts*we have to show the world that I am not the only one with a “long” fetish ;-)*

Nico baby for being just that...the most adorable baby whom I would love to cuddle! She uses these cute little Hindi liners in between her posts that bring out her vibrant personality. Thanks to her I have begun to feel mushy about Ranbir Kapoor*okay...not AS mushy as YOU...so relax I am no threat;-)* You are a doll and someday would make us all very proud to know you...I have a gut feeling about it:-)

Lena and her Colours Magazine...if there is one blog that is so well organized and would cater to anything and everything that a reader may want...Colours Magazine is THE place to be!
With so many competitions and getting interactive with readers...it feels like a one stop guide to it all and a place where you can sit back and relax!

The next in line are two witty heads for
THE VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD:

And it goes to:
Blunt Edges @Blunt Edges
Weirdo Guy @Rants and Raves



Dear, dear Blunts, always at the edge of fun and exuberating life...
I think I shall go to my grave in trying to know the names of some of my alias bloggers...but don’t you think you’d get rid of me...be prepared to see me from the grave, in a white sari with a lantern*okay, we’ll make it a torch for modernity’s sake...the oil may drip n spoil my white dress and there might not even be a laundry in hell!*
Someday I’d know and perhaps then tell you how wonderfully cute you are on your page...the nice little witty porny insights into a totally fun existence...hell, I even envy you!

Weirdo Guy...Now what do I say about someone who makes me laugh like there’s no tomorrow or laugh as though I have to fulfil this onus thrust on my not-so-tiny shoulders on behalf of the whole god damn world?
Anyywaaays, he taught me how to write in asterisk or rather inspired me too! He has one twenty years old brain with way too much knowledge...though he loves to ask me “What! How! Where!” and then insist that they are not questions but exclamations!
He’s the teenager I wanted to be...I tell him he’s so super cool n he’d say naah...you buggers trying to impress me! If there’s ever a sad moment...this boy would fill it up with his larger than life persona and then he says “I” am his role model! Ah irony! :-)

And now presenting THE INSIGHTFUL BLOG AWARD

And the winners are:
Sudhir @HAMARI CHAUPAL
Mohit @Being me
Ankur @My Notebook
Jack @Share Thoughts & Experiences



Sudhir at Hamari Chaupaal...you are so appreciated for the professional writings on your page...from politics to morality...humour to sarcasm...from experiences to thoughts...moving through your blog is like a journey through continents...living your experiences...a diary of a traveller, an insatiated heart and his quests and lessons we learn with you!
I truly look up to you!

Say Hellow to the adorable take-home-to-momma Mohit...
There’s so much we wanna know about this hunk but get so little to. He is fun and witty like a thorough gentleman. His posts border on polished humour to gentle sarcasm...from finding his paths to bringing a nice feel-good feeling...it is a pleasure following you, for sure and watch a different kind of wit ooze out from your pores!

Dear Notebooker Ankur...
I started by admiring your writings...and ended up admiring you too! Of course in between I took great pleasure in poking you back to write and going on look outs for a suitable bride!
Now that you’ve found one...could you please get back to writing in your space n on my status on face book! You are being missed:/

Uncle Jack: I have a real high regard for you for bring your experiences and stories of your world to create an opinion and awareness. You are always helping others and doing all you do with such a dignity, that you evoke heartfelt respect from one n all.
Also for the fact to be blogging after being a grandfather is like soooo super cool!

And last but not the least,
THE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS AWARD

And the recipients are:
Choco @Choco Desserts Of Chocolaty Life
Niraj @Masalla Lemonade
Ayu @☆Voice from a Distant Star☆
Prithwish @ Strings of Heart
Vemuri @Vemurisblog
Lincoln @My Arena where I live By my own Rulz
Sobhit @LIFE:THE BLESSED HELLRIDE
Anand @ Balanced Insanity



Choco for being sweet as per her name...I wish you’d be less sad n more smiley...so you attract all that good positive energy to yourself!
You make us all feel so protective of you...and you know I always wish for your cheer!

Mr Lemon...For little lime n lemony lessons, having the dash of humour...
For always making your presence felt on my comment box...and for taking me seriously enough to put your money on ‘Tumbling Thoughts’! You rock!

The distant but shining star, Ayu
She is a sweet little girl with poetry n animation n little stories and loads of features that keep her blog abuzz with activity and fun...
You shine like a true star!

Prithwish n Vemuri...for their simple ways and no-nonsense talk!
Also because I know for a fact that you two are such virtuous souls!

Lincoln, Anand n Sobhit
You guys have to be my most consistent followers!
Sobhit would make my day with his long detailed n equally funny comments on my posts...so much that for a while when he was not writing in his blog space, I was wondering if I was to be blamed.
Besides, the sweetheart that he is...he has made me promise to have a flaming affair with him in my next birth...Because I am worth it! ;-)

Lincoln n Anand...you guys also have dug up all my fun posts and were showing me your thumbs up, every time I thought I had gone too far on a post! I soooooooo appreciate having you around!

So, I guess...this is the end...or is it the beginning?

This has been my little journey and such awesome people my co-travellers...
Some more names are left to be acknowledged...some more readers who need mention...
And I promise to return again to them someday soon!

We share each others' ups and downs and a little family has emerged,
That does not judge you, which does not preach...
That only knows where to reach...
That knows how to side with and stand by each other!
That knows when to clap or when to lend a shoulder to cry on!
That does not lambast...that does not fawn!

These are precious people
And here are three cheers to a lifetime of togetherness!
Thank you once again...
Hugsssssssss
Muwaaaaaaaaaah
I love you all sooooooooo much!
N God bless!

The Tumbling Awards Gala-Part 2

Moving on to the next segments...
Ladies n gentleman,
The ONE LOVELY BLOG AWARD

goes to:
Pavitra @DEAFENING SILENCE
Persis @Miles Of Style
Tamanna @Frenchleave
Cathy @Ramblings of an ever changing mind
Dusk @The Dusk Zone



Pavitra with her Deafening Silence, for her
super true takes on life n awesome poetry. You make me travel on the philosophical path and make the journey so not-boring!

Gorgeous Persis and luscious Tamanna...
I so would like to see “you” Persis...but till then your amazing sense of aesthetics, would keep me glued to you!
Tamanna, I still need to know you more...but whatever I see, I likey likey...Keep it stylish! :-)

The Wild Wicked Witch...My sweetest Cathy...you are the first foreigner friend that I made through this medium. You so naturally and quietly enter into hearts that before we know, you are already there for good! In so many of your posts, my heart went out to you and in so many others you brought in the sunshine! You are an inspiration of how a woman should be in a man’s world...and you shall continue to be!

The unbelievable show stopper Dusk
You are one fashion blogger, I can’t get enough of!
Your pictures are like a riot of colours, a festival of fashion and a masterpiece of style! You make the unthinkable, possible!
You web a world of great write ups interceded with pictures and it is difficult to gauge whether your words are more impressive or your impeccable beauty. You are the true diva and so very generous to always take out time to comment whole heartedly on my madness!
A treat to the eyes...you surely are!
Oooooooooooo...how I wish I was as stunning as you!


And now the I LOVE READING YOUR BLOG AWARD

recipients are:
Please welcome with open arms:
Cinderella @Intelligensia
Madhu @Careless Whispers.
Vagabond @in-between
Hopeless Romantic @Love Is Always New



Dear out-of-the-box n a true inspiration Cinderella...
Someone whom I looked at with awe when I started...like some super duper witty goddess...Today she’s a cute buddy but the awe continues in frequent outbursts. How can one girl look drop dead gorgeous, write mature poetry and yet share with equal humour my madness on boobs n butt n everything else! You are a learning experience just by being in the vicinity!

My Kumb mela sis, Mady, with all her honesty and integrity...
She thinks like a man*as I do too* and can make a whole lot of sense in few words*which would not suffice even for MY introductions*.
You and I are so strangely similar...that the connect would forever be! Your posts are always refreshing...never repetetive...and bring out you in them all! So what say sis...let’s rule the world!

Vagabond...for bringing the depth of simple lines that touch the heart...for truly creating an impact by the fact that one so young has a mind full of wisdom and sense...for all the magical music that she brings to her readers...for her Hindi poetry that strikes a chord with me despite growing up with no exposure to such wonderful kavitayein! I like you so much for your attitude... “This is how I am...take it or leave it!” I’d take you any day! :-)

Hopeless Romantic...for all the mush that you sprayed in the environment and also for mad, in-your-face takes that only you can make! It is difficult to say why I like you so much...maybe because you are brutally honest...what’s in your mind is in your writing. You aren’t wanting to please anyone...You are whacky yet humane...you are strong yet sensitive...you culminate the best of many worlds!

And now, please join your hands with an applause for
COOL BLOGGER AWARD

going to:
Amn @The Mush Room
Hary @cartoonists
Malpani @TONIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT!
Smrithi @Vintage Obsession



The whacky yet grounded Mushroom that has Amn, who is a face to reckon in any crowd...simple in his writings, sometimes wanting to change the world when frustrated with confusions of life...
So human...so adorable! Thank you for being around!

Hary, for all his super Southern touch of humour...for being great with one liners and definitions...for his detailed take and analysis of people around him...I so enjoy reading you for your simple and sometimes laugh out loud kinda humour!

The thorough gentleman at Tonight’s Entertainment,
Malpani is one of the nicest boys on the block.
His blogs are vocal n yet restrained! I somehow feel you are too nice to ever hurt anyone. I so look forward to your reviews for generally our choices match!
And when you go down the philosophical lines, you leave little choice for me but to applaud and agree with you!

The very Vintage Obsession of sultry siren Smrithi
Smrithi makes fashion seem easy...her do-it-yourselves are to die for! She makes you believe that style can be cultivated and can come as easy as ABC. You seem so natural and with true poise in your pictures that one can’t help but admire your confidence and panache!
Way to go girl!

I know it is difficult to wait for more...
But there’s still one more part to go!
Some more bloggers I adore...
Some more appreciation from my heart’s core!

(To be continued...)

Awards, Opinions, Humour, Drama-All in The Tumbling Awards Gala!-Part 1

Statutory warning: Due to the sinful length of my blabbering here, I am forced to divide the post into three parts.
So kindly bear...and if you want to bare instead...send your entries to the email address posted above...

Prelude:
Friend 1 in gym: So Suruchi, what’s new in the blog? Haven’t seen any updates?
Me in the gym*of course*: Ah...but I did put up a new post on boobs last week...you must have skipped it...ask your husband, he possibly could not have missed THAT one!
Random person in gym*all doey-eyed with fascination and a sudden respectful awe*: Oh, you write?
Me*trying very hard to wipe the smug glee off my face and sound nonchalant...do so with a shrug*: Well, ya...nothing significant really...just a blog!*bursting inside with elation at the thought, like this soon the whole wide world would know...yes, someday!*

It’s been a year n a half in blogosphere and the journey has been like a huge mug of Long Island Iced Tea!
A mixture of myriad emotions, a concoction of highs and lows...
Some very great blogger buddies made on the way n plenty of free*that reminds me I must get the unlimited BSNL internet pack* good stuff to read on a lazy day!

I’ve made you witnesses of my falls*yes the falling flat on the road fall n also the falling for things out of my reach fall*
You were there when I was being stalked and also when I took a lift from a complete stranger!
You’ve been enlightened on issues others don’t talk about*where else could you have known about types of kisses, farts, libidos, men’s loo fixation, boobs n butts, what women want and sexual intimacy?*

You’ve shared my disdain for the ultimate bitch in my gym who was the temptress for all n sundry...you ogled with me at the guy in hot pants and shared my wonder when I turned into a red head for three months! How could you forget my posture by position account of the kinky temple architecture at Khajuraho?

I also tried finding answers to many mind boggling, earth shattering queries like why men are afraid to be called cute? Can you be in love with more than one person at a time? Is it okay to deviate on love path? How safe are net friendships? Are we programmed for life? Is divorce the end of the road?

*Ya ya...I am making you realize how blessed you are to be on this page...you can take a minute to go down on your knees and thank the Almighty for bringing you here*

Anyyyways...
When I began, I used to think I was the next Shobha De cum Arundhati Rao cum Chetan Bhagat*kindly ignore the gender change* all rolled into one*I still think so by the way!*
My blog was my personal diary but out in public!

It gradually developed into an inseparable bond and lives we began to share as blog buddies! I have hogged loads of love showered at me and so many awards like a greedy pig, it is time I delivered my very own gratitude speech*please don’t expect anything short...like a wise man once said...Size does matter! And when I tell you I owe BIG time to you guys, I prove it in the length of my posts!*

Expressing my thoughts for all you wonderful people in no order of preference or affection what so ever, for I love you all*yes I have a big heart and no, you would not see it by staring at my shirt*
Please find yourselves here but also spend a while in knowing all the others who rock my world!


So without further ado:
The first category tonight...
THE MIND-BLOWING BLOG AWARD

goes to:
Rishi @A Crooked Smile
The Bald Guy @Desi Ghee and Coffee!
Saket @Shady thoughts of a Shady man
Buckingfastard @Tears n' Rain
Writer’s Rehab @Writers Rehab



My friend, philosopher n guide and also a genius in every right, Rishi from The Crooked Smile...though there is nothing even remotely crooked about him*except for the fact that he completely flushed down my genuine compliments as advances with a statement, “Azaadi is my dulhan”-my loss completely :-)
I love him for his 'Talkies'...something I always wanted to do...but he does it so much better...
So I leave it to u...and your bekaar gyan makes me smile...never bekaar mein!

The Bald Guy...for if I were a man...I’d be writing like him! He’s like my mirror image...super witty...humorous...infectious energy!
I am in love with his skill of repartee...
I marvel at his versatility to make the readers laugh one minute and in the next shake them up with sad truths and struggles of life!
It’s always completely my pleasure to be reading you Tbg!

Shady Guy: He’s just started*and also stopped:(* on Blogspot but before this he wrote on India Times and wrote like no one I have ever read before! I mean to have a 1000 comments*yes you read right, there are 3 zeroes* on so many of his posts...got me floored at first sight and all his musing penned there justified the adulation!
He’s such a commendable writer, if only he’d write again*begging on my knees...not as a proposal dodo...with a pen in my hand...okay a mouse and a keyboard*

My Dearest Bucking,
You have me swept clean bowled with your talent! I have yet to see a greater story teller and especially one who’s as young as you are! You are the master...I have read your last few pieces so many times and each time they create a mind picture of all that you say happening before my eyes. Your analogies are outstanding!
And my posts seem incomplete till you drop in royally, pull my leg and leave your words that make my day:-)
I wish, I wish you’d write more...and also do phrandsheep with me...phuleeeeeeeeez...aapko Hyderabad ke kasam:-)
You are the best!

The Writer’s Rehab: My very first follower and in a way my motivation for my initiation into the blogging world! The tales he used to spin would catch you in an impregnable web!
I read you and realized how captivating authors can be!
Owe you in more ways than one!

Moving on to the next prestigious category:
YOU ARE A RAY OF SUNSHINE AWARD

And the award goes to:
Rahul @Kalakriti
Sulagna @pink n black™
Am in Trance @REVIVAL
Rainboy @smell of earth after rain



Kalakriti for Rahul’s brilliant perspective as an artist and even more brilliant virtues of being a noble person n a true friend!
You show how simplicity is still beautiful...
You make us believe that humility is as important as talent!
You’ve been a great find on the internet!

Pink n Black queen Sulagna....my dear dear Su...you motivated me big time into getting back to romantic writing...in fact I think I consciously or unconsciously write like you when I write mush...or maybe coz we both have the “G”-factor in our lives which makes us go through similar emotions! You know how to let your hair down n have fun as well as do things that make me go awwwww...
Life would be such a drab without you to read!

Am in Trance n Rainboy:
If there is a mush poetical experience that you are looking for...or the need to be drowned in expressive words to die for...these guys are the ones to bet your money on! Though I do wish they’d write more to satisfy our mush-starved pores!


And now, put your hands together for the next brilliant set of writers...
The recipients for I LOVE READING YOUR BLOG AWARD

are:
Ria @Bedazzled Ria
and @Femme Fatale

Warm Sunshine @the perfect line
Sakshi @Timeless Imagination



Ria and Warm Sunshine...for the feminity they bring on board...reading them is like a pleasant journey into a woman’s mind...her subtle dainty ways...a coy smile...a whim here and some tenderness there...always bringing smiles!

The Timeless Imagination of the sweetest girl, Sakshi, who is simplicity personified. Another flawless poetry writer...who brings to life- dreams n ethereal emotions through here words!

(Picture abhi baaki hain boss...
To be continued...see you on the other side of a break!)

Just Another side of a Happy Coin!

For a while now, I have been dabbling with a new vocation for myself!
I had suggested this to my dearly beloved too...
I should wrap up my teaching agendas and get into counselling!
Yup...a sort of shrink...a kind of sounding board, beyond your immediate circle of near n dear ones, someone whom one can relate to without the fear of being judged!
I almost take a sacred n secret*well, not anymore*pride in doing that!

Youngsters on the brink of an identity crisis or cocooned life, housewives persisting with the urge to break free, men caught up in the web of a lonely though settled life, women struggling in not so conducive environments...
I have seen n heard them all!

With many I have trudged the path of redemption or held their hands*symbolically* at the times of unbearable sufferance!
Tolerance almost became like my badge!
And Agony Aunt is how I moonlight and did so all my life!

Talking to people*those who interest me* has been a favourite pastime and lately this has consumed a lot of my time, online or otherwise.
Not just to friends who open and share their emotions with me, but uncannily I have noticed how I go around commenting on just about anyone’s heart-rending posts with a “Need help? Ask us!” kinda forum!
Are they screaming for attention or am I?
I have begun to wonder if it is really THEY who need help!

The frequency of this and a pattern thereby brings in a mixed sense of emotions in me...gratification n yet a restlessness of doubt!
And also a fear...Am I addicted to the elation of being a mess-solver?
Do I look forward to woes in people’s life so that it gives me a sense of belonging?
And if this is true even partly...ain’t I really sick?

I like to hear and not speak*my blog is the space for which I reserve that n this should explain the long posts*.
I like to question and not answer...unless these are answers to YOUR grievances! Absolutely NO ONE knows what’s going on inside my head and I choose to reveal only what I want to.
It is perhaps some weird mechanism at work to safeguard myself from vulnerability or an embedded fear of who’d be interested in my sob stories anyways*there are plenty of those, believe you me, who hasn’t?*

So, I don’t enjoy talking me...I would rather talk you!
I end up finding myself in situations where I am emitting my pearls of wisdom or just lending my ears for my ‘friends’ to vent out their confusions and frustrations of the world!
“Oh, thank you! Talking to you has been such a help!” are celebrated words responded to me, akin to “khul ja sim sim” that were divulged to Ali Baba in fables!

Initially this activity used to get me drained!
When I would hear of distressing stories called ‘life’ of people around me, it would end up making me feel weak in the knees and increase my own palpitations*not in ‘love’ kinda way-sigh!*
It would greatly disturb me as my body and mind would take time and efforts to come to terms with it and I would almost take it as badly as if it were happening with me.

But then, I guess, repeated exposure to these depressing woes provided a kind of immunity eventually and today, I can hear you out a BIT more dispassionately and in a self-wrecking way than before!
Though my mind’s involvement is still 100%!
I put all my faculties at work to come out with the wisest solution to your problem! And if I end up actually making you feel better...there is no greater contentment for me than that! Don’t get all repelled here with disdain...I am no Mother Teresa! Such acts are more theurapetic to me than they are for you!

And that’s what I do most of the times!
I am hearing stories of everyday grudge n whining of people and not getting tired of it! I am finding n offering solutions and expressing equal amounts of derision as the sufferer himself or herself!

It is a sense of pride somewhere within me or rather vanity that is being fulfilled by the idea that people can turn to me with utmost trust!
It perhaps provides me with a sense of achievement on being the first in the list of people, whom you’d call in case of a crisis!
But isn’t that super pathetic?
I am so wondering now!

One of my earliest dear friends on the internet had once commented,
“You are like the park bench. When someone is really tired of the humdrums of life, he turns to the park...spends time on that bench and feels the comfort it provided. Then when he feels better and sufficiently equipped to face the world...he moves on...and may or may not return to that park bench, or at least not till he needs to vent out his sobs again!”

I remember having taken to that very unkindly, for this is what had happened between us!
I was the confidante of all the miseries against the world, ranting against parents who did not do ‘enough’, of job that was suddenly gone, of security carpet swished off the feet n religion n politics n morality n what not!
But when things returned back on track to being hunky dory...I was not needed again for a long while till life decided to give another F@#$ to all plans!

I see an encore of the same in many friendships that I have forged!
Suddenly the idea that I am being turned to, is not so appealing one due to the fear that what-if tomorrow I am discarded again!
Purpose solved...no ears needed now!

I don’t want to be a park bench!
I don’t want to be a sponge...for I soak your troubles and make myself heavy with my own expectations!
Perhaps I don’t want to listen anymore!
I want to talk instead!
But that...I cannot!
No, not talk!
Perhaps now I want to scream!


P.S. It has been a weird post and I apologize for filling you with distaste when all you came here for was a good laugh!
Promise to bounce back with the madness soon!

Guys, we are up here...not hidden in our shirts!

I was watching this series on the television where this pretty but duh girl visits her college guy friend’s home and rants on n on about her BFF’s and their yawn-ful gossips.
After every five minutes he would excuse himself to go out*not to the wash room, you one track minded people*...out of the house and scream “OH MY GAAAAWD!” to vent out his frustration. Then he would return back, with a calm n smile pasted on his face and again lend his ears to go through the torture of hearing her continue the blabber.
I was wondering why he was going through the torment.

Cut to the scene after the commercial break and both are naked in bed with a huge blanket, revealing only their shoulders upwards anatomy!
And the man, as if having read my thoughts, thinks in his mind...
“Why do I allow this mind churn every day?”
He raises the edge of the blanket....takes a lusty peek at her boobs, gives a shameless grin and reminds himself, “Hmm...Yup, THAT’S why!”

This comes in line of a similar and interesting boys’ view asserted by a dear friend. He recently enlightened me on an important fact of his species’ psychology*of course exceptions exist like every where...WHERE exactly you ask...well, the explorers/scientists/philosophers are still trying to discover or invent that!*

Anyyywaays, he says:
“Boys look for females. When a boy sees one that he likes... and if his eye lids automatically go down*wtf...as in not ‘down to her assets’-does that even need to be specified, but more like sharam se jhuk jaana kinds*...Then consider it as a sure shot point as hell that he is mentally stripping her...
There are three main aims of young*what the heck...even old* boys or reasons for their existence, beyond their control:
Women, breast and sex!”
And to think I hitherto thought it was ‘roti, kapda n makaan’!

Wow! Interesting, you would agree, isn’t it?
What a path breaking analysis...it could help save the world...okay, the sex confused world!
So even if you have any one of the three, don’t lose hope young man...you’d manage to get the other two too!
A new angle to the theory of relativity!

And perhaps if you are that young girl in question and thinking of making him the happiest man on earth by saying “I Love you”, try flashing a boob instead!

I have spoken enough about boobs in many posts*thaaaaaaaaat does not mean I would now show pictures of those to you...so tell those sky rocketing heartbeats to take a halt*

But then is ever too much of boobs enough for the guys?
I mean “the more the merrier” is a proverb that must have been coined by some horny nerd, whose eyeballs would have got stuck at the sight of a bountiful woman and made him repeat the line like a sacred code for many hours afterwards, hoping it would unlock the forbidden mounds!

It’s as though a woman’s breast have secret little inbuilt magnets and at-the-threshold-of-youth/full-bloodied/one-foot-in-the-grave men, all have the counterpart, hyper-active, magnetic implants in the rest of their body*mind you, the whole body is being talked about here, not even being organ specific*
So like that cute Hutch puppy in that ad...everywhere the boob goes, the network follows!

Just to reconfirm about the theory, I queried another dear friend
*what all I have to do to serve and edify my readers...oh god...someday my worth would be realized*
“No...not really! As long as the breasts are extraordinary...they don’t really make us turn”*ya, right...and ‘extraordinary’ would mean here, anything raised even slightly above the surface*
And whose asking about the turns anyways...weren’t we on straightening stuff, instead?
Err... never mind!

I asked my beloved...he is like a connoisseur on breasts!
One good look and he could tell about the history, geometry and geography of it all!
*not really, actually...but I like to use this accusation to emotionally blackmail him...sue me*. But being the extreme n unmentionable edge, his views do not count here*this is a serious n sanctified research for crying out loud and hence I must consider only unbiased resources who are not so much into breasts or at least so they’d want us to think!*

This also reminds me of another cute chick friend of mine, given in to wearing deep v-cut neck dresses...
Me: Well, isn’t that too much of those two peeking out?
She: Well as long as the main points are in control, as much is not too much!
Talk about my enlightment!

Now I am almost imagining what three of my dearest n wittiest readers would have here to say*actually also cringing in fear for my poor legs in anticipation already of them being pulled* by:
Buckingfastard
Blunt Edges
The Bald Guy
So then guys...please don’t leave this space without hearing them out also, even if the best of breasts await you! ;-)

And newer, better*even worse* or 50% more*or even less*...any kind of breast woes invited on this forum!

P.S. By now...men n breast...almost sounds synonymous...
And could be actually too!

Well, let’s see how:
1. Having One is better than not having any at all, and if you have two...well, life gets more wholesome!
2. If they are any good, they get you the maximum attention!
3. They work most efficiently when new and young and tend to get droopy with age and use!
4. Sometimes they can get kinda clingy!
5. They have a habit of ‘rising’ to the occasion!
6. Often they tend to throw their weight around!
7. Even the best of them, need supporters!
8. When they are too good...they could leave you speechless in more ways than one!
9. They may not be as err...good*for lack of a better word*from inside as they promise to be from the outside!
10. Okay now I shut up!

What a Steal!

What would we do without funny anecdotes happening in and around our otherwise mundane life?

I was recently a guest at a kitty party-sharty, with around 15-20 babbling and sighing women, some show-offing their latest sunshades*yes, within the interiors of a CLOSED restaurant...probably they should be called ‘bulb’shades instead*, glittering rock-y diamond rings on their stout or too thin fingers*there is no mid way balanced path...there’s always a size zero or a size with many zeroes* and the broadest of artificial smiles dabbed in plastic polite conversations.

Amidst the hullabaloo, or so probably as the hostess thought, often things go unnoticed. But since I was bored to the core and almost on the verge of a big fat yawn, my perception instincts were probably better aroused and I looked around to fish for some entertainment. It was then that I saw my gracious hostess was also looking around but her gaze aimed at making sure she was not being watched. And in the next instant, as quickly as a chameleon would be at work, she picked up the cute salt n pepper cellars off the table and slid them into her purse, kept by their side!

Holy f@#$ing shit!
My jaw dropped and needless to say, it was not because of the yawn!
What in God’s name did she think she was doing?
I looked around to ascertain if there was any as aghast a countenance as mine, but everyone else was too busy in themselves!

Kleptomania as a disease is a sorry state to be!
I mean even Wynona Ryder is guilty of the same!
But stealing like this is often a wretched excuse to perpetuate being stingy!

I related the same to my dear friend who took me there*just for gossip’s sake...like for every 10 pieces of scandals transmitted by her to me, I feel morally bound to at least return one and this was my only chance...so don’t judge me*
I was educated back on how her household has forks and napkins*used as dusters only I presume...otherwise it is too gross to let my imagination wonder at that* of that same restaurant where we were lunching in!

Okay...not that I am totally ‘doodh ka dhula’. The dumbest thing but that I do to ‘save’ money is, to refill the mineral water bottle to take it to the theatre when we go for movies. I tell my dear beloved quite proudly ‘if I can’t save your Rs. 40 at the parking...I can at least save the same amount on the elixir of life-water, which is a bountiful gift of nature and yet is being sold???????? How low can people get!’

Anyways...this one incident brought back many memories of perfect as well as pathetic pocketing encounters!
I remember a couple of years ago we had gone for a ‘teen patti’ cards session to one of our distant acquaintance’s house on Diwali. The furniture had been cleared out from the drawing room and clean white sheets had been sprawled upon the carpet for ‘players’ to sit, form a circle and impart with their hard earned cash, just for the love of three pieces of paper held covetously in their palms!

I too unloaded myself on one of the sheets!
Imagine again my horrified state when after a few minutes, I noticed at the edge of it, a printed symbol of ‘The Indian Railways’!
It was not just on one sheet but on two out of the five spread out!*yes, I went around the edges of every sheet after that as inconspicuously as James Bond at work and as curiously as a sly cat to confirm my suspicions...and the culprit was caught*
Oh my gaaaaaaaawd!



Again, during my brother’s wedding at a posh resort, where the guests were put up, after all the dust had settled in and we were packing up, the receptionist called us to the desk to inform that two paintings had vanished off the walls of one of the rooms occupied by our guests!

I couldn’t help saying “wow” to this artistry!
I mean I am guilty of taking back the shampoos, creams, etc from the bathrooms, much to the grimace of my dearly beloved*but then five stars charge us through our nose and this is the least that they can do without. Those little bottles make excellent travelling companions yaar*
But it never occurred to me*and thank god for it* that there was scope for expansion of my embezzlements!

Okay...before you guys close all your hospitable doors on my face, I DO NOT steal...never have and never would...except for this once and it was more like a dare! Like everything else, let me get here again in confessional mode,
“Father, I have sinned....”

This was when I was young...younger...and we would often visit this really popular book store. Once I had gone there with my father n uncle and I really wanted this great new book on the shelf! Pa had run short of cash for we had already purchased my year’s quota of school books!

So I asked my uncle to buy me one!
And then, for the mischievous genes that run in our blood...he challenged me to try somehow to get it myself to prove to him that I was actually resourceful and a true bloodied ‘Kapoor’! Now, I was too young then to know or use my art of seduction, but old enough to know that my aan-baan n shaan or the uprightness of my long nose depended on this.
So I pinched it!
Yup...just like that!
Kept it under my shirt and put my bag between my arms, in front to conceal it!
And I walked out of there with my head held high!

I was later blasted by both my uncle and father for doing something so foolish when the former only meant it as a joke!
Helloooooooo...you ought to be careful with an eleven year old about what you joke! She is too young then to articulate them*I mean as it is I used to have a tough time in trying to understand the pure non-veg jokes then...on top of that, I was expected to understand even the veg ones...unfair, I tell you*!

They gave me money to return back to the store....which of course I didn’t have the guts to do and I let it rest at that!
I still have the book as the first and last trophy of my actual mehnat-ki-kamai but gave up on my dream then to become the master of any fleecing game!



Now, where were we on this issue?
Never mind...
This post I hope has taught you important lessons!
To sum it up...let me tell you a short birdie parable:
Once, a little bird was flying back home in winter, but soon the bird froze and fell to the ground.
A cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
The bird began to realize how warm it was and soon began to sing with joy!
A passing cat heard the bird singing, dug the bird out, cleaned it and ate it!

Lessons to learn:
1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy!
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend!
3. When in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!!!!