We are made for certain things and maybe not for others!

I was having an interesting conversation with a dear friend the other day when a kind of hypothesis or premise appeared quite conspicuously to the fore!

I was generally cribbing about the odious tasks pertaining to motherhood*I swear I have not cribbed so much in 32 years of my existence on Mother Earth as I have in the last 32 days...Motherhood makes you a cribbing pot, dear folks...so beware n please bear*

Okay...so I was generally ranting n doing waa-waa*sob, sob* when this friend pointed out to me that maybe I was not made for motherhood!

It struck me as a thunderbolt for in my subconscious I was always afraid of the same!

You know how people beam post having a child in their arms...
A smile is like a permanent fixture and could put even Monalisa to shame...
My countenance is often the display of exasperation n tiredness!
And if there is anything that I am sure of on this planet, it is this that I would have felt the very same had Seeya been born of my own womb!

After entertaining my daughter for an odd three-four hours at an end and anyways being 24/7 around her*she hardly sleeps* and for lack of other expected sources doing the needful, I am at a loss for more means or energy to amuse her any further!
I mean I can engross an adult for hours at a stretch...but a one sided communication...I wondered what makes mothers go on n on...

So I did what I thought was sensible...becoming Ms. Sherlock Homes again!
I enquired of other women if they actually had any similar tendencies or am I the only weird one on this planet...
Thankfully many of them report of having gone through severe bouts of depressions, PMS that got extended to months*ouch* and some even saying that they were so tired of the constant yelling n bawling of the child that they did not want to see his face for a while*omg*!

Thankfully, things have not gone down that road!

But sometime or the other...I miss my old life that I had been used to of, since ten years of my married life!

Being responsible for no one else really but yourself!

Having the whole day n often night also to do anything n everything you liked!
Gyming...long walks...happy times with your beloved when you talked about each other and other F-words instead of farex and fever...
Coffee with friends...random dinners...parties...a movie every Sunday...
Blogging my guts out...flirting my heart out...making new friends...giggles over the phone...
Teaching for six hours a day n loving the interaction with kids!
Shopping whenever discounts hit the market...parlour visits...dressing up...occasional holiday trips...n more blah blah...
Basically leading a pointless, self-centred life and so busy enjoying it to the core that not even getting bored or apologetic about it!
I loved my life despite also the constant and crushing struggle to have a baby!


Cut to now...it’s been some one n half months with Seeya!
I have hardly moved out of the house...not tasted any outside food apart from ghar ka khaana...no gym, no walk...teaching now for only a couple of hours a day!
Not left Seeya alone or away from me except for two hours just this Sunday when we went for a movie...
Not much of my mad blogging since the inspiration sources are not around!
Been generally cut off from friends for the fear that I’d just be cribbing again and bore the life out of them...
No time to even get threading done...not worn a lipstick in these days, forget about dressing up!
SSTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
So there...I go on my whining trip again!

However, thanks to my infinite amount of innate sense of justice-a Libran trait...I know I would do all my duties to the best of a person’s abilities...
And also have a hunch that in all probability and god being kind, I might even win a ‘Best-mommy’ award in future...
Every day my hyper active kid*certified by the doc* smiles at me with her eight teeth now or clings to me in the biggest of hugs and I melt faster than ice cream in sunlight!

But yet, I would never be half as good as my mom...or half as ready to sacrifice all my happiness altogether and never feel even a twinge of pain about it!
Isn’t that what motherhood is really about-the epitome of selfless sacrifice?

Anyways...what premise I reached on was...that we are all programmed in a certain way to be or not to be!
We are cut out for certain tasks and not for others, regardless of the fact that we may perform them with immaculate perfection!
Deep within each one of us knows what constitutes us and what can make us happy or less happy if not!

Like many people are not cut out for marriages!
They may have lived with their spouses for life n celebrated jubilees with much gusto. But to themselves, they know they were meant to be wanderers or free spirits...or they were meant to love more than one person in life...they were destined to be alone to be true to their intrinsic nature and inner satisfaction! They were so given in to introspection and mood swinging aloofness that often people around either did not understand or bother about them too much!
So some day they look out from the window and ‘sigh’ which nobody hears!

Like this friend pointedly n often asserts that he shall never marry!
He’s in his early twenties and I often dissuade him with my utopian ideas that marriages are good!

I quote my own example and enumerate compelling benefits of a happy matrimony that could turn the worst of detractors into believers*you know how relentless I can be*!
But with time I realize that maybe he is actually not!
He has a roving eye, is extremely cynical about good marriages, having seen some bad ones around him...is more of a loner and hence gets either too carried away by company or rather soon bored of it and countless other reasons!

My point is...
Just because it is a social norm followed through ages, it does not mean that it is supposed to be extended by one n all with a blindfold!
We must think twice before advising someone that ‘you’d get used to of that life in time’!
Let the person decide with his own subconscious in counsel.

It is not necessary for girls to get married at an early age...or marry at all till they do not feel ready and yearning for it!
I still have unmarried girlfriends I went to school with, who have rocking careers and good lives and no hurry still to walk down the aisle!
Why should we judge them...or give unsolicited advice of its after effects in later life?
If they are old enough to vote, aren’t they old enough to accept responsibility for their liabilities?

Neither should it be a matter of compulsion to have kids because you are “supposed” to have them!
Most people often look at kids as a retirement ensurance plan...
‘I want kids so that there would be someone to look after me in my old age’
Little do they realize that most kids now-a-days go away for further studies or better prospects of life n seldom return!
Want kids for ‘kids’ themselves...not for yourself!

I am slowly fitting into a role with 100%effort and undisputed dedication that has been bestowed on me for that’s how I am programmed...
Whatever life throws my way, I must adorn it in such a way that no finger can be raised against me!
People still quote my G n me, when they talk of an exemplary marriage!
But how many of us feel trapped in roles assigned to us?
Jobs that we detest!
Spouses that we care two hoots for!
Cities that cram our creativity!
A public image that we must live in even if it slowly makes us die?

Any landmark step of life...that can alter the way you are n how you live...must be given thorough consideration, deliberation n motivation before realization to remain truly happy in your skin!
Understand what is your true calling and if you are being moulded in the role that you may not be fitted for, would you do justice to it?

Know what you are programmed for and strive to fuse that in your life or realize what you truly are and hence at least banish some clouds of baffling doubts n uncalled for struggle!

Okay enough Gyan from Suruchi maata....hopefully a more cheerful post next time!
What have I realized through this vomit of my thoughts above?
-It is time to put a complete end to any trace of cribbing from today!
Full stop for full good! Phew!
I need a BIIIIIIIG hug now....time to wake Seeya up for that! :-)

I want a Gay or Lesbian Friend!

With full respect to the homosexual community, this is not a dig at their preferences!
This is just an expression of a truly felt urge of good intensions!

I have yet to come across a true bloodied gay or lesbian person, to know if things are actually spot on with them as are portrayed on television n in the movies!
Do they make better or worse friends or is there no bloody difference what-so-ever?

The closest I have come across so far is a pseudo or partially lesbian happily married friend, or so I think and please don’t ask me how I know that*that bole to ke she is ‘partially lesbian’ n not the ‘happily married’ bit*
But then she charms the women just as instinctively as she does the men...
So she belongs to another class of experimentation n analysis altogether!

It is apparently not essential that lesbians are manly or aggressive per se!

Nor do the men have female demeanour, voice or being prone to falling all over the men as is the general stance circling about them!
They could be inconspicuously a part of our surroundings...not meaning to segregate them as a category that should not, but then, who knows may be I even have a crush on a couple of them too...so it requires caution to ensure an unbroken heart*as always I am not going to ‘boo-hoo’ here about the prospects of my broken heart with them coz already and anyways there is a plethora of such hearts queuing up in my not-so-little frame...sigh! Sigh!*
 
Of course media as a medium is prone to exaggeration, I mean especially about the mannerisms, but then it would not harm to know by just about how much?

Like the latest cook in my house has hands that are always at an angle of 90 degrees when he is expressing himself*in words that is* and lips that get curled n compressed when he talks and eyes that bat an extra twirl and we all keep wondering about him*not that we have nothing better to do, but then curiosity does spark through, most unintentionally*So when we make him sleep in the servants quarter meant for the men, there does arise a fleeting doubt about his safety or perhaps that of others!

Anyyways...It will be a dream come true to be able to turn a man with preference for men, into one with inclination for women*specifically one* due to the fact that he came across the alluring charms of LITTLE-MISS-ME
*batting my eyelids coyly...yeees, while others dream of becoming doctors, engineers and the likes...even my dreams make me outstanding...standing OUTside the normal human race!*

But seriously, I often fantasize about this scenario*okay now not THAT seriously but then generally*...
My forces of beauty n hypnotic smile n sensuous persona driving a happily gay man into a charmed besotted youth singing Keats’s ‘La Belle Dame Sans Mercy’ in the woods of er...Kanpur dehaat!*

Of course a dear friend then checked n pricked my dream by telling me the following facts:
A. Your one dream actually has two dream sequences:
1. A gay man turning into a heterosexual...which is rarely possible, for such things are some harmonically*blah-blah* activated n once established it is an irreversible process*I slept through the rest of the scientific explanation so Google for details*
2. The fact that YOU madam, have forces of “beauty and hypnotic smile n sensuous persona” is in itself a heightened delusion!

B. Before attempting to turn a man with ‘preference for men’ into an admirer, at least try your hand*with no puns intended* to turn a man with preference for women into one!
Grr...Never mind the poor imagination n lack of foresight of this dumb friend!

Anyways...
Sexual preferences don’t make one extraordinary!
For there will always be rules of nature and wherever there are rules there are also bound to be broken!
And exceptions are somehow often more intriguing!
Like it leaves me pondering as to what goes on in the mind of someone who gets turned on seeing another human body with similar body parts as his own!
Isn’t that a tad boring?
God created the change in gender, perhaps to cater to the ‘variety is the spice of life’ tendency of mankind!
However, mankind as is the case with it often...extended the proverb beyond the frames of possibilities!

Also I mull over how liberating it would be to be able to talk n interact with another dish of a man with absolute lack of my inhibitions or socially raised eyebrows because he is purely not interested in my body*ahem, ahem...hehe...as if the rest of the world is going Lady Ga-Ga over it!*

It is worth weighing, how almost at the edge would be the rendezvous with a female who hugs you on every pretext and sometimes gives that peck on the cheek that gets a bit sidelined or most naively strokes the soft skin of your arms and leaves you always wondering....
Is she...?
Are these...?
Does she...?

Please don’t get me wrong here...it would so make my day to be the object of affection even from someone of my own sex*and phuleezee this is not due to the ‘beggars can’t be choosers syndrome*!
I don’t see why celebrities get all stiff when they are coined as ‘gay icons’ n the likes. It is such a high form of adulation for you turn on absolutely any living being...leaving plants and animals alone thankfully!

Why should someone feel any discomfort at all in the presence of a homosexual friend? It’s not as if they have no sense of restraint or hyper sense of desperation! They surely have lives beyond their bodies n bodily needs!
I mean look at George Michael...Ricky Martin...so simply awesome n yet outside MY reach just becausethey are f@#$ing not interested in women*never mind their celebrity status*

So people...please pray for me to get a gay or lesbian friend soon...or both to be better! Those wondering if I am using my post to secretly hunt for my own female fetish...please read the rest of my pages...
I have yet not completely explored the men-kind to be able to turn my attentions even by 0.09 degrees to other choices available!
The rest of you still undecided about what to think or do or look out for...please don’t strain much...just leave a flattering comment in the section below and serve the humanity by doing your bit of flattery for a poor deprived soul like me!:-)

The Thailand Mystery!

There is something very alluring about Thailand and I feel there’s a reason why I have not yet been to this land!
*Based on statutory warnings I guess: Highly volatile substances should not be kept in close proximity!*
Actually the only phoren lands that I have traversed are Singapore n Malaysia...the poor man’s foreign get-away or so I taunt my beloved with...boo hoo!

But just what makes Thailand such a popular get-away?
Now, you don’t need to be Einstein to know that!
But just in case, you were born yesterday*like me who was born only last year* lemme provide you some rays from my enlightment!

In the last two years, the influx of tourists travelling to this particular destination has seen an all time rise!
How do I, the smarty pants, know it?
Well, I ain’t no researcher or statistician!
But more than 15 couples in our friend n acquaintance circle have been here so far and some doing it as a yearly ritual!

In fact I tease a couple of them saying, last year they went for a fling n this year they are probably going to meet their offspring of it!
The third year would be the first birthday day celebration n so on...
*you know how I can go on n on...so I’ll spare you the details*

On a serious note,
Curious as to why only Thailand, keeping aside the fact that shopping is cheap n abundant...I was finally successful in my probing!

Some say they go there for the massages!
Now, now...I have nothing against massages and you are welcome anytime to gift me one at the nearest n most extravagant spa, to render me as your devout follower with lifetime validity!
But then those in Thailand are massages where you don’t just lay...you get laid*and for once...all the puns intended*!

The sandwich massage as I thought and as I discovered, were two poles of a stick*never mind, which stick!*
Me*minus enlightment*: Sandwich massage is when two people put themselves over n under you to give you a massage with...their hands*yes, in the name of sweet lord...I was THAT duh!*
Now please don’t ask me how the f@#$ did I fathom that ANY massage in such a way was possible?

Anyyyways...
Me *post enlightment*: This massage includes making you a sandwich but in more ways than one...it is everything a massage can be and everywhere it could be and more. The rest of it is kinda haaaaaw...so run your own imagination horses, people!

You can pick the women of your choice, nationality, colour, contour, age...
Yes sir...womEN, whom you’d like to provide you with the service n the services!
You can have fun to your heart n body’s content and come back to the hotel and relate the adventures to your spouse with all the frenzy and kicks possible!
I have even heard arguments to the extent of “She spent those thousand bucks on a Louis Vitton bag and I spent it on my body...what’s the difference? Both were seeking pleasure!”

My point is...
Why are certain things being readily accepted, without raised eyebrows or disdain, just because you are in a foreign land?
Had the same rituals been performed at an arm’s distance from your own house, it would have been termed as philandering and your character having gone through an ass of an assassination!
Some standards we all live in!

Second, why paid sex, as a form of recreation, is more likely to be acknowledged while a physical association like just a casual one night stand looked down upon as cheating?
Isn’t that just a matter of social fear and set norms then that makes us moralistic or otherwise?
We want to be technically correct rather than sensibly right!

Often still, cheating in body is considered worse than cheating in mind...
What sense does it make?
Whether you are physically cheating on your partner or mentally committing yourself to someone...you are any which way being disloyal!
You can’t claim to be “pure” after verbally being involved or physically having strayed!

Third, when one thing is right for the man, how come the same thing becomes a question of chastity for a woman?

Amsterdam n Thailand have provided a different flavour to the variety-hungry traveller n also the voyeuristic one!
It is no longer a matter of watching with a gaping mouth when a nude show is performed in an arena! It is a form of art!
I have heard stories of how shows based on unimaginable tricks performed by unthinkable body parts are a rage with the Indian tourist!
It has become a matter of pride and flaunting that you were a part of it!
Strip tease or pole dancing bars and the likes are now on the agenda of a city tour where such flavours are openly available!

I am not trying to be moral police here!
Heck, going to Thailand and not having experimented is like going to Thailand and not having the Thai curry!
Err...okay...I know that analogy sucks! But point gone home, right?
I am just openly wondering!

In fact I tease my beloved to go ahead and be a tad more adventurous...
We must try out things at least once before discarding them as useless, insane, or dumb!
Whoa, I was all out looking for massage parlours in Singapore that would have lady masseurs giving him a dose of some fun...though it’s sad for him I did not succeed despite voracious efforts!

But then I put a simple condition before him that always acts as a leash...
“Whatever you try out, expect me to do the same too!”
And that ends the story there!*diplomacy you’d say...I say nopes...its tit for tat...and never mind what’s ‘tat’ here!*



So...do I condemn or condone?
I really don’t know...lemme go n get some first-hand experience of “stuff” myself and enlighten you further!
Now you can’t expect me to have all the answers, can you?

Till then...to each one his own!
Let’s keep our judgemental caps off for a change and anyone wishing to sponsor my Thailand holiday for his upliftment via my enlightment...
Please feel free to email me with details and win a special mention in the next post...free, free, free!:-)

My Angel with Horns!

They say you pay for your sins and reap rewards for your nobility within the current birth cycle itself!
My dear little adorable fairy of a daughter, who moonlights as a little multi-tasking imp, is here to prove that right!
All of eight months to be in a few days...she has me seeing stars in the day and pray for ray of hope at night when she refuses to do what ordinary and lesser mortals normally do...that is sleep, by the way!

I remember the day I first saw her at the orphanage where we got her from...
As the nun handed her over to us...she had that completely lost expression...yes, just like her mother*that’s me now btw*sports most of the time!

She seemed the quietest baby ever...for not a word was murmured while she shyly came into my arms.
She looked around with unmatched tranquillity...as though grasping things slowly...unruffled like a placid lake!
And we thought... awww....what a “shaant” n well behaved bachcha this is!
I was also thinking...phew! She’d be so easy to raise with all her serenity and gentleness! And yes it did follow a mental ‘yiyee, yiyee, yiyee!’ too.

Cut to now...1 month with us...and little Seeya has bloomed n how!
She’s proved that ‘helloooooooow dude...appearances can be deceptive!’
What you see is often not what you get!

She’s a little angel who transforms into a little terrorist every once in a while!
She’s hyperness personified!
She could easily win the “naughtiest child on earth award” hands down and before you say that’s what ALL mothers think...lemme tell you this is voiced by anyone and everyone who is fortunate enough to get to spend some time with her!*I sometimes feel when she’ll grow up a little...I would probably get regular complaints of her beating up the ruffian school boys or taking ‘hafta’ from the school staff!*

She’s my ‘gunda’ baby! And when I call her that in a sing-song way*trust me that’s a tune you don’t want to hear* she shakes her bum n nods her head to give me company so that her poor mommy does not look like a fool crooning on it alone!

She fidgets like her life depends on it...as though God sent her down with an ordinance that if her bum was to be fixed at one spot for more than five minutes...she’d be called back!
Screams as though it’s her birth right to do so for anything and everything that she does not like or does not get!
She feels sleep is a waste of time and being still is waste of space provided by us and legs gifted to her!
She is rarely quiet and this when she can rarely say a word beyond “ta..ta..ta..ta”*considering if these are words at all*

When I tell her ‘no-no’ for something...she nods her head to indicate ‘yes-yes’*mommy...if you think you are smart, I am smarter and making the rules here*
I put her on the cot to sleep and she rotates a complete 360 degrees to scare our guts out and make sure she is soon got to the bed instead!

I feel she’s slept now finally and would give me at least one hour of uninterrupted sleep for myself...but before the hand reaches the hour knell...you can hear her yell!
And when I am in the deepest hour of sleep or just about to flirt with a delicious hunk in my nightly sojourns of dreams, she is in the most hyper active one and again ensures she has me woken up with a start, just before I am being kissed*damn...earlier it was just my beloved breaking my love dreams now even my daughter has joined his ranks...can a human not get some privacy even in her dreams? Woe to the world!*

Cute looking stuff toys are put in her arms, so enticingly huggable that even Hitler would wanna cuddle them...but naah, that’s not Seeya style!
She would either pull out their fur or eat up the poor toy’s nose in the most voracious of bites that you would have seen*I make sure my nose is within safe distance of those predating teeth!*

She compulsively has to dip her fingers in the bowl when I try to keep it safely inches away while feeding her...and before I could clean off the khichdi from those tiny five extensions called her fingers...in the next instant, I would find that the khichidi has automatically managed to reach her clothes as well as mine and other unmentionable places on me n her!

When I do her maalish*massage* with milk n haldi n besan...she thinks I have brought a treat not for her body but for her mouth instead and rubs her hands on her stomach to take constant savoury bite of what’s being smeared on her! An outsider would think we do not feed her enough and get us sued!

When I try to bathe her...she’ll make sure to scream her guts out for a while even before the water ritual begins, so that everyone in the house*if it were possible, even the neighbourhood* would come rushing in to give me an unasked for verbal guide entitled ‘1 million suggestions on how to bathe/raise a kid’ and yes they do an encore of it each bloody day!

When I’ll put her on the potty seat, she’ll scrunch all those tiny facial muscles to make me believe of a successful emission and thereby mission accomplished...
So I raise her tiny bums to my lap and check...
Only to find my own flabbergasted reflection in the sparkling clean water in the pot that has not been gifted with bits of waste of hers and soon to follow is something wet n yellow and amazingly stinky on my kurta...and then this always is followed by the most pleased grin on her countenance!

And that’s not the worst people...the worst is that both me n she want to shit at the bloody same time as soon as we get off the bed!
And needless to say, you know who gets the preference and who’s been at the constant sacrificing end since her life cycle began some three decades ago!
Basically saying...
My motherly instincts overpower my bowel calls!

She’s like those automatic dolls with buttons...put her on the bed and she cries and pick her up in the arms and she’s quiet within a second...hell..There’s even a tear half way on the cheek...that drops dead in its track!


And as if pimples on my cheeks were not enough to deter any prospective cheek-y activity...I now have her nail scratches there too!
Not to mention the smell of baby food or baby shit emitting out of me often or dried farex being pulled out of my hair that get stuck together!

Phew!
Motherhood is tough people...
But tougher still is staying away from this adorable devil...
She’d do something real bad and grin with her six teeth to make you forget it!
She’d lap n move her legs as though cycling to express her excitement on seeing you and you feel alrite...trouble me as much as u wanna...
I’ll grin n bear!

It’s been a fun/tough one month so far...and for further details...
If I survive or succumb?
Does Seeya change me or do I manage to change her?
Watch this space!:-)

I am!

I am...Me!
But what is me, I myself am not sure!

Am I what I have lived for?
My ideas, my principles, my attitude defines me?
My ideas, my principles, my attitude defies me!

I am in grain, as I was created by the master
And in spirit, as formed by the humans!
I am a face, a personality... a life!
I am a daughter, a mother, a wife...
Am I what my relations make me?

I am that which evolves every minute...
I am part this and part that and yet a whole!
I am what I want people to be like!
I am full of me and yet empty!

So what am I?
What makes me an individual and not a face in the crowd?
Does not every face in the crowd think himself to be so?
If we all want to stand out...who would stand within?
We need a crowd to be able to be singled out...
We need others to be able to define ourselves!
Then if I am like others, why do I struggle to be unlike them?

I am...what I think I am!
But do I think fair?
Or am I prejudiced towards me to make me fiercely believe I am right or better or stronger or smarter?
I think I like me too much to point out the faults and then love myself much too for I easily forgive when I err!
I am what was made of me...I am what I make of me!

Am I what others tell or opine about me?
But who can really judge that they mean what they say?
I get convinced in all my egotism of what I feel others perceive of me...
I am what I project to them or what I am in the confines of my privacy when I unmask all the layers and put away all the mirrors?

Am I what I critically dissect myself as?
I am harsh with me for I feel I know me better than all who say they do...
I let them gloat in the surmise that they do!
I let them see what I want them to!
I hide myself sometimes even from me...
And at other times I combat within my frames to let “me” surface and emerge as it should!

I am sometimes noble...free spirited and giving...
I bask in my own light, treading cautiously between vanity and respect!
I am sometimes selfless, yet eventually think high of me for being so and defy it totally!
I am fun and funny...making me think, am I like this or has life made it for me?

I am something and nothing and yet everything to me!
I am the reason for my existence and not love, relations, money or the likes as we believe to be!
I am the only person I can truly make happy and the only person who can truly understand my fears!

I am my best friend and my worst enemy...
I have within me the entire cosmos...
The strength to make me happy...
The will to make me strong...
The desire to make me persevere...
The need to make me reach out...
The elation of a soul reaching its destination...
The desolation of disappointments!

I am honest and naked only with me!
I am and will continue to be!

Five Times a Week Average!

It is 2 a.m.*yup, in the morning*
I woke up to feed baby Seeya and could not sleep after that, so thought of putting some of my thoughts here!

Normally at 2a.m. *still in the morning only dodo* I would have thoughts unmentionable...
But then since motherhood, there has been a kind of change!

A change that is not so positively deemed by my beloved!
A change that I mentioned in my last post and it caused more ripples than me becoming a mommy!

Our AVERAGE OF FIVE TIMES A WEEK of bedroom adventures was looked at with great interest by the commenting community...in the comment section of the blog and otherwise!

Some said with disdain, ‘Only 5 times...tch, tch!’
And some others released inconspicuous cold sighs, the breath of which only I could feel till here*!

Sex!
Is there ever enough of it?
And what is enough of it?
I thought I was doing my greedy n needy beloved a bloody favour by offering myself*I deliberately want it to sound like a sacrifice at the altar* at least 5 times a week and the figures going into whooping proportions during weekends and holidays!

But men, men, men...Are they ever satisfied?
So after much cribbing one evening from his end and blasphemous duh-types accusations like:
‘You have got old!
Where should I go now if you refuse me?
Look at other wives!
Do you think we should show you to the doctor?’
And more blah, blah, blah...which I generally turn a deaf ear to...but that particular evening, about a month back, I had had enough!
However I turned and dodged, we somehow returned to it*not sex yaar....but talking about it!*
Phew!

And I contemplated...
You ungrateful soul!
You should fall on your knees and thank your lucky stars!
But since you choose to fall on your knees for purposes otherwise...it is time to set things straight*in the name of sweet Mother Mary...no puns intended guys*

I had made up my mind*it was like those scenes in the movies, where the heroine gets us from the floor with rage on her face and blood in her eyes...wipes her saliva/blood from her lips...ties her dupatta on her waist and runs towards the villain with a semi-Sunny Deol yell...okay over dramatization...please ignore*

I decided to do a little survey among friends to shut him up once and for all and also know if there is genetically something really wrong with me or terminally something very hyper about his testosterone!

So on a suitable night out with couple friends, where the men sit at one side and the women at the other*and I generally sit n brood in a corner thinking why we attend such stone-age get-togethers and how blatantly discrimination is still rampant in this world*....I broached the subject!

Okies women...so since my G*that’s Gautam for short...not short as in ANYTHING else except short in patience for saturation* feels I suck in the sack...not as in literally, how he wishes though...I need some answers from you guys to show him it is a wtf-kinda assumption!

So I asked them...
Women, fellow-sufferers, ‘weaker-sex so deemed as weak at sex’ fellas,
Lend me your ears....
How many times do you guys do it with your husbands*yup, that needs to be specified these days to maintain clarity and authenticity of any survey*?

No answers...
A ‘haw’ here and a snigger there...
Someone dared to ask me the same query to see what I’d say before venturing into the forbidden territory...

Okay...lemme break the ice...
Me n G do it about 5 times...what about you guys?
Lady 1: Oho...5 times a month...that is too high Suruchi!
Me: Er...L 1, I meant about 5 times a week!
L 1: *goes into a silent mode and suddenly looks at the floor with such intent n purpose that you’d think she was doing a thesis into marble flooring*

L 2: That’s a high figure...but since you guys don’t have kids, it is possible...
Kids kinda kill sex!
Me: Oh...that’s weird...considering if it were not for sex these kids would have not arrived in the first place!
L 3: Yes, every time we kinda come close or even get ‘touchy’, there would be the baby pissing or howling for feed or just plain so curious that he’d get up to sit n stare as though he has front row tickets to watch a blockbuster porn!

Me:  Oh Ya? That means G is subjecting me to so much atyachaar and not even giving me credit for it!
L 4: Okay let us tell your G that his is a super duper average!

Me: I don’t think he’d be satisfied with that!
What about experimentation?
*I was dodging now into very forbidden territory...so I became a little cautious...like the tigress stalking the preys with feather-light steps so that they may not fly away in fear*

L 4: Oh experimentation is just for the first year of marriage...when you experiment with each other’s body!
Me: Oho...I mean not THAT kind of exploration. This is experimentation...taking things to higher level...you know*yes, even I actually have some lajja, sharam n hayya to actually blurt out things at the onset..I need to establish a foundation first*

L 3: You mean if we do the ‘job’ well?
Me: Er...that and other things!
L 4*now opening up*: I hate the jobs...I managed to do it once and would not want to do it again!

As regards the other people’s reactions...let’s not go there...I am as it is accused of opening my mouth too much...to put my own foot in it of course!

6 out of the 8 women*actually out of 7, because one of them remained non-committal throughout for any and every matter, with a pressed lips smile that said she was registering it all to eventually relate it in bed to her husband at the end of this, without missing even a single gory detail*
Okay, so 6 out of 7 women just nodded, or shook their heads or looked embarrassed...every n all of which reactions left me more mystified than ever!

Me*not yet giving up*: And what about the handcuffs or feather strings or situational dressing and, and....

Before venturing into more possibilities n propositions, I looked around...
There were aghast faces looking back at me and eye balls rolling under the half bent eyelids...
If we were in the age of Saint Jones, when supposed witches were burnt on wooden poles in the market place...I’d probably be on the pole next to her!

Alrite...I did not want them to go home with a cultural shock!
So I rested my case!

Fine...I anyways had enough proof to set my beloved right!
When he tells me “look at other wives” I at least had some arsenal up my sleeve to blow him off with!
And not THAT blow...for goodness’s sake!

Arre...already 4 a.m. ...time for Seeya to wake up for her next feed...
So adios amigos...until next time!

Hot Momma!

Alrite...for those of you who’ve missed me...biiiiiiiiiiiig hugs
And those of you who did not...cold, murderous glares...subjected still to slightly lesser-big hugs if you make amends asap*whoa...don’t look at me in that duh-way that is reeking of no-idea-what-to-do air.
Now if “I” will have to tell you even this how you should make amends to phir what you did on this planet from so many blessed years?*

Anyways, I have been away from the World Wide Web for a while*actually just one week to be precise...but seems like eternity*
And the reason for this would unfold now:
So pretty, witty n hot ladies n gentlemen, girls n boys*yes I prefer associations in this order of adjectives only*...
This is to inform you that I, Suruchi Arora am officially a mommy now!

So goodbye good old days of freely bouncing about as n when I wanted to...
Good bye to being a compulsive flirt*for it was as it is difficult targeting preys after being a naari with sindoor n managlsutra....now I seems dinosaur-ic being a woman with nappies and rattles...boo hoo...there go my hope of ever having an extra-marital affair*

Also good bye to days of massages...hair spas...holidays...gyming*oho...my choti se love story in the previous post...looks like sabke nazar lag gaye...forget about nabbing now no chances of grabbing or even peeking at him!*

But then again...when one door closes at one point*in this case many doors actually*, they say another window opens somewhere else:
Hello days of responsibility of a seven months old angel, whom we now call Seeya- after Goddess Sita, to be explanative of her name!

And before I hear ‘What? Why? How? Whoa’ from my blogosphere world...
Lemme do some further clarifications:
Nope...I was not pregnant*dodos, if I had been, don’t you think I would have recited my guts out on morning sickness...increasing bumps...inclining/declining sex drive and the likes...I am very dedicated to the cause of my reader’s all-round enlightment!*

We have been at it from ten years to my marriage*that is making babies by the way...any reference to the act of making love coinciding with the ritual, is purely unintentional. What the heck...it is not...now go ahead n burn in jealousy...although our average of 5 days a week is in serious jeopardy now so you may also gloat in sadist pleasure*

Anyways again...all that effort...sweaty sessions, late night adventures, early morning drilling and the likes but to no effect....
Matlab we just enjoyed the act of making babies and never really got to make one actually!:/

Doctors, palmists, astrologers, tantriks, saints, sinners, co-travellers, strangers, chemists, grocer...anyone n everyone had some advice or suggestion or remedy for our “curse” the moment they got to know we were not having kids*thankfully the proposals did not include altering ‘positions’...phew!*
But seems like the universe was conspiring against me remaining half-single and half ready to half-mingle*if only I had found my other half...sigh!*

Aaaah...long, boring, sob story there...so would not bother you with details. Let’s just say every smiling, mad face has sometimes an ocean of not so smiling or happy moments!

Anyywaaaaaays....so now we have adopted this adorable little doll who has brought a 360 degrees change in my life!
And like everything else I share with you guys...
This story just had to come here too!

The idea of adoption surfaced about two months back due to extreme fondness of my beloved for kids. And despite me asking him to call me “baby” to suffice that...it just did not go!

As for me...I had come to terms with the way things God had sent my way...filled my little voids with teaching, blogging, facebook-ing and even gyming*which I got to join just last year after ten years of being injected with medicines n hormones n what not...please rest the dirty minds here*!
I could finally be in some shape...other than the distorted one!

So the cold feet came about at the onset and did not seem to leave me despite my warm heart that is always ready to give, embrace n share love wherever and however!

And then one day...just like that, God sent little Seeya to us*yes, so dramatically only*
She looked at us with her big, beautiful eyes, through those long curly lashes and little fingers pointing to me and we knew she was perfect!
Though when she first saw us her face was swollen in anger as though saying, “God...couldn’t you send me a better pair...alrite...kaam chala lete hoon inhe se!”

The more I held her...the more little frontiers of motherhood awakened in my hitherto frivolous heart n mind!

And that was a cause of apprehension erstwhile, a source of astonishment when it occurred and a reason of jubilation now!
Why?
You see, I never considered myself as a mother!
You know how little and not-so-little girls dream of a house, a husband and two kids...
Kids were never in my frame of things*as a matter of fact, neither was a house or husband...I never thought of my future...I just live joyfully for and in the present!*

And neither had I been around kids much...the only exception being myself!
Plus ten years of grinding my body, mind and soul for a child had kind of killed the urge for it!

So there was fear... the ‘what if’ fear!
What if I do not feel as mothers do?
What if I am unfair to a little child?
What if my personal freedoms and selfish ambitions take over my responsibilities?

But it has been a week of revelation!

Not only did I not have a maid for the child*which is considered as a norm by the way* the maid who cleaned my room n bathroom, washed my clothes, did the ironing...decided to call it quits the very day Seeya came!
*I know what you are thinking...the cribbing mom begins*

However, for four days I gave myself completely to her cause...
I barely slept for about three hours intermittently through the day and barely sat during the waking hours!
She was taking time to adjust and I was making efforts to do the same!

But every time she would wake up and I’d be there...she’d look at me with her big beautiful eyes and smile with her 6 teeth peeking and nose scrunching so adorably that I knew it was all worth it!

Here was a little bundle of life that depended on me entirely!
Here was a big bundle of a whole unadulterated gratification when she would cling to my torso and her little frame almost jutting into my bigger one!
She would put her soft cheeks to my face or tiny fingers to hold my ears and I felt like never before!

Some of my dear friends had encouraged me earlier but I feared I was not made for it. I now believe...motherhood does not get born...it is there...it just gets awakened in a woman when she holds a child!
Sounds filmy but it is very true!

I sometimes miss my carefree life!
But then when she kicks her legs in pleasure as I talk gibberish with her...I become numb to everything else!
Once every day I yearn to teach again or go into the blog world, both of which have been my sole caretakers of sanity till now...
But so many other times during the same day I thank God when she sleeps comfortably or when she says ‘ta-ta-ta’ to me*I take it to mean as I love you momma*
Awwww!

Enough of Karan Johar mush....can I return back to a bit of cribbing again!
In one week I have washed n cleaned her bum more times than I have probably cleaned mine in the whole month*may I assert that it does not indicate anything about my hygienic qualities or my bowel movements*

I have held her in my arms and swung them to put her to sleep for hours at a stretch, as she wakes up every hour through the night!*hopefully that should get my arms in better shape*

I eat less because during the eating times I am generally washing nappies or ironing them or sterilizing bottles*I just might FINALLY lose some weight*

We*my beloved n me* have had almost next to nothing sex *finally a spate of relief...yiyee, yiyee, yiyee!*

I think I may soon suffer from some of these syndromes....having under eye bags...back ache...arms muscles...sloppy dressing...no eyebrows done and sometimes no time even for a head wash!*but worry not my competitors*who aren’t many* or my suitors*who are even fewer* for I’LL BE BACK!

The first sign of it is returning to blog...
And slowly the wheels of time would for sure make me a ‘hot momma’!
For I always believe in one dictum...there’s no point of doing something or being someone...if you do not create it as an example for others!
Amen to my thought n aim!

P.S. Sorry for being unable to read your blogs...would return to do so as soon as I get a little more settled!
Oho...got to rush...the baby just woke up with a howl!:-)

I am Crushed-Yiy, yiy, yiy!

I have a big, fat, humungous, whopping, dinosaur-ic crush! I needed to supply so many adjectives above to emphasize on the urgency of the situation because otherwise small, tiny, miniscule, trivial, miniature crushes are an everyday ritual with me. Yes people, in my last post I mentioned why we need a husband husband happy-check and here please let me not leave the gyan incomplete and enlighten you also on the necessity of needing a “crush” to keep you from being crushed when ghar ke murgi becomes daal baraabar whatever the connotations there you may assume.

Most of the romantic flicks tell you to close your eyes and you’d see the image of that special someone whom you truly love. Now a word of warning-these stunts are performed by experts and can be dangerous, if tried at home without professional guidance and lead to misguided inferences. Why I say so?

For when I tried doing the same...I mean I closed my eyes and waited for a face...Waaaaaaaaaaiting....Aaaaaaaaaaand....

Voila!

Wtf!

There was a bloody party!

Bah!

Dumb love stories?

Naah!

Dumb reality!

I tell you it’s bloody too much to expect in kalyug for eyes to drop when you view a tempting dish cross your path. Even for a “Bharatiye, Pativrata, abla, sarv gun sampan” naari like me. Please don’t ask me to translate that...there’s something called drama for heaven’s sake. And the object of my affection is a geek god cum Greek god at my gym. Mmmmm! I have seen him grow. Please don’t get me wrong my dear one-track minded friends. I mean, I was there when this boy came! Uff, I think I am still not ‘raising’ the right picture, am I?

Okay, cut to a few months back...

Me doing my regular thingy in the gym nopes, that does not mean “not exercising” so wipe off that grin and the door opens...

In comes with a hawa ka jhooka, as if in a slow motion Yashraj movie- A sweet, introvert looking kinda gawky twenty something of a boy!

A bottle water bottle for Christ’s sake in one hand and a napkin offo, a regular male napkin in another! About 5 feet 9 or 10 inches that’s his height dodos....please note the usage of “feet” there  and milk white skin. As against the black as tar counterparts already in the gym, he was literally a bright ray of sunshine. He had spectacles on his cute countenance and so dismissed by me based on face value as another wanna-be gym-goer. He also had a sombre, no faltu-baat demeanour to boot!

Okay and cut to now...

Me doing my regular thingy in the gym-yup, that means ogling at him every once in a while through the many mirrors, otherwise persistently drooling dil he dil mein and sighing. And he’d be pumping weights ooh...couldn’t I have been that dumbbell curled in his wrist?  His facial muscles stretched to perfection on his taut cheek bones. His little jersey clings to his well chiselled frame, sweat pours like drops of manna off his forehead, muscles ripple through his arms and everywhere else. His walk is suddenly super sexy and confident, skin glowing to a more manly white whatever that is supposed to mean And those spectacles are not adorning his face while he works out.

Aaaah! The pain in the heart taking me straight to my favourite mode-‘The What-If mode’! What-if he was older or better still I were younger? What if he was floored by me too silently in heart of heart or what if I was not married?

What if someday a wall in the gym falls and he comes just in the nick of time to save me by taking the bricks on his solid shoulders and I get up to say “Thank you! You saved my life.” And he says, “How could I not? Your life is not yours alone from now on!” and we get lost in each other’s eyes...

You think THIS thought is ridiculous?

Well hear this then. Some years ago, I remember watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hain and thinking of some Prince Charming coming to drag me off my shaadi ka mandap and putting me on a white horse and taking me away to live happily ever after. Never mind if I had no boyfriend or even a crush in consideration who would show any possibilities of such insanity and never mind either that the idea of getting on that white horse is matter of a completely hypothetical situation and never mind to the heights that my Prince Charming that is my dearly beloved was already waiting at the altar.

Alright shut up dream sequences-back to reality*bursting all my thought bubbles...boo hoo*

So do you get the picture now of how this boy next door looks-the forbidden apple, that could very well turn me into Eve! His transformation leaves me breathless. It’s like Peter Parker turning into Superman! I know Peter Parker was Spiderman dearies...But I think Peter Parker was more geeky for reference’s sake than Superman as the regular guy and alrite sue me for I don’t remember Superman’s name as the regular guy. I have better things to do on this planet now than remember the name of a superhero when he’s not even one. How duh can that be!

Without his spectacles and the newly found body it was not lost anywhere, just properly emerged in all its glory he is a treat to tired eyes and well even if they aren’t tired, I make sure they do get after my work out in the gym. I don’t know his name or religion or profession or age. But then age no bar caste no bar sex no bar. I mean sex as in the gender...Ache cheez ke taareef karne ke liye bas!

 So while my students had also trickled during summer vacations, I basked in my evening sessions at the gym and hence my crushing began! Vacations over-evening classes on again-so back to gyming in the morning....

And my choti se love story gets nipped in the bud!

P.S. Author subjected to high risks of hyper exaggerations!

(Family reading this-happy-check)

;-)

Why we need a husband?

Nope...not because who would pay our bills otherwise!
Definitely not for we can’t blame destiny or the government all the time!
N also not because not everything can be answered by Google!

Husband is a strange specimen!
But before we realize we want one...we must know why we actually need him!

Imagine your face filled up with pimples*okay, that’s quite ghastly even for imagination...not filled up but kinda bursting out at spots with them*
At a tragic time like this, he would be the one who would still cup your face in his hands and not search for a spot that is blemish free.
He’d leave a moist imprint of his kiss and tell you, you are still beautiful!

You’d be walking down the road together and while the others compliment you on the dress...dear husband would be the one to notice that your feet look pretty today for you have applied nail paint on it after a while*never mind if he forgot to observe the outcome of Rs. 500 blown on your last hair cut!*

He’d be the unhesitant volunteer to cuddle you, if you moan and wake him up in the middle of the night n from his deepest of slumber and say,
“Suno ji...so gaye kya? Mujhe neend nahi aa rahe hain!”
And he’d wake up with a start, all nervous to ask if all was okay!
And then keep you cosy in his arms...
His palm not giving up on patting your head, even while his tired eyes refuse to open up!

You need a husband, for times when you stand facing a show window and looking greedily at an over prized designer wear that would be a crime to buy and a sin to leave...And he’d walk over from behind and say, “Take it. It’s been a while since I have gifted you anything!”

Only a husband would be as excited about your girls’ day out as all the girls themselves *Never mind, if it is just to get gory details of your escapades*
But he’d tell you to have fun and don’t bother about home for he’ll manage the show!
And he’d be the one, who would not call, to embarrass you, but be messaging you, as soon as it gets dark for he wants you to be home safe!

It is only a husband, who’d go into the “I-am-useless-for-I-can’t-keep-my-wife-happy” mode at the slightest hunch of you in the blues...
Or keep asking you persistently “what’s wrong?” even when you tell him to lay off rudely!
The day you appear less than usual chirpy, he’d call you as soon as he reaches office, although a hundred impending tasks threaten him!
You need him you’ll realize, when he sends a message from office with a smiley face for no reason at all...

You need a husband, for when you feel grumpy like the world’s been a nightmare he’d find ways to mend it, even if it is not his fault!

You would look at the watch and ask him to make a move from your parents place and he’d insist on you both staying a little longer, for he feels your family is yet not satiated of having you to stare, pamper n care!

If you find yourself stuck in a crowd of unknown faces and known bored feelings, there’ll be a face looking out for you, just as you’d be looking out for him...
That face is of a husband, who wants to make sure the woman he brought in on his arm, is not lost and not just physically!

You need a husband, for he’ll not break into a “bachelor’s” party when separated from you, even for a while...but lie dull n low for he’ll openly acknowledge there’s no joy without you, even in the merriest of recreations!

He’s a strange creature I tell you, for he would be having funny ailments gnawing his own body, but would panic at the idea of you having to suffer, even just by a minor muscle pull. He’d never be able to pick up the phone to get his own doctor’s appointment...But he’ll never be able to forget reminding you to make yours, till you get frustrated and give in!

In sleep, he would unknowingly grope with his hands on the bed, till your skin comes within the reach of his searching fingers and then continue to sleep!
Even in his subconscious, he would want to hold you!

You need a husband for when you say “I do not like wet towels on the laundry basket”, he’d be willing to let go of old habits!
Tell him, ‘Why can’t you at least hang your shirt on the hanger of the cupboard, if you decide not to wear it?” and find some 8 shirts nicely opened and floating over the rods, but at least not strewn across the bed!

It’s a husband, who would give in to feed you Chinese food for you want  it, despite him not enjoying it...turn the car to go back to get you an ice cream, even when you’ve almost reached home!

A husband would not think you less, although your eye brows need mending like with a lawn mower...
He would not mind the comfortable cotton underclothes*although appreciate seductive satin of once in a while with incomparable enthusiasm* for it makes you feel better rather than looking better!
In fact you can still be wearing the faded night shirt since time immemorial and that would not detest him from exploring what is within it!

It is a husband who would say he’s the happiest man on earth, when on his birthday, all that you gift him, is yourself wrapped in new, sexy lingerie!

To a husband you can show the emergence of white hair and even make him count them to console you later, when you crib about it!
He would not mind*okay, at least not all the time*if you do not take a shower before coming to bed!

You would see the glitter of pride in his eyes, when you look extra ravishing on a particular night out...like maybe Bill Gates would have upon receiving his first recognition for the ownership of something exquisite!
It is a husband who would beam with equal joy as you, when others appreciate his wife or look at him with envy!

So although having a boyfriend or live-in partners can be learning grounds for the ultimate experience....
There’s no feeling as liberating as taking someone for granted to love you no matter what...
To have never an iota of doubt behind the reason why he is so affectionate with you...and would he be like this forever?
To be unabashedly yourself before him, with your flaws and finesse!
To know he would never say ‘let’s take a break’!

Not everything that is being done from ages is redundant!
You need a good husband...and you ought to make it a good marriage to know how it feels!

If Only-Another Side of the same Coin!

*Hi friends...This post is in response to a fiction story I wrote last week titled "If Only"
Much to my extreme pleasure, an anonymous follower of my blog has taken the efforts to write his version of the story, from the boy's point of view!
I cannot express how flattered this has made me feel, for this write up is almost flawless...
And to think, my story inspired this...I feel super-duper...Hope you enjoy this too!
Thank you Mr. Anonymous for this...I so wish you'd tell me who you are, but glad you came around anyway:-)*

The grass looked more green...the sky a little more blue...the wind a little more warm as the days neared.

He stood in the corner of the rusty gates of the chapel. The decoration lights were already put on, but still the setting sun's glare made them shy in their own light. His eyes searched through the crowds for her.

The eager stream of people with their overtly sprayed cologne and dabbed face powder were roaming aimlessly exchanging fake pleasantries. But it’s easy to recognize a fake happy face in the crowd of genuine smiles. He saw her.

She hadn’t changed much, but still somehow looked a bit older or rather, say a bit more mature.
She was trying to get rid of her innocence it seems.

The white silk gown was tightly wrapped around her, merging with her hues as if it was an extension of her white skin. He was amused as how a girl who never touched makeup in her life was hiding under the generous dabs of foundation.

He didn’t mean to stay, but he still found it funny how every look at her face made him fall in love with her all over again. He loved it once, today he hated it.

The kajal in her eyes was slowly smearing and she relentlessly tried to clean in with the edge of her handkerchief.

Those eyes were tired of waiting but still refused to dry up.

That moment he knew he owed her more than that, he couldn’t just leave her and assume her to understand. She was snobby he knew. She would never understand and wait. She deserved more.

The colourful lights had by now found their glitter and shone under the navy blue sky.

Slowly as if guided by hidden soldiers, the crowd started to make way to the neatly arranged chairs with their civilised jostle for the aisle seat.

In the corner the groom stood with beads of sweat on his forehead. Under the plastic smile and lumps of sweat and powder, he contemplated of a new future. New life waiting under a thin veil of time. For better or for worse.

Under the hood of confusion, he made his way across the hall. He wondered if this guy knew how it tickled her when you run your finger over her naval button, if he knew how she loved to be bitten just under the cheekbone below her left ear and closed her eyes as a kitten on her master's lap. Maybe he does not know about how meanly she bites your lower lip, which she says that is her mark on you.

For a moment he thought he should tell him, but decided against it.

He had urgent things to do; he had to meet her and breakdown in her arms. He has to end it all.

He slowly slipped through the closed door near the staircase. He could smell her presence near somewhere. She was there, lost dejected as if tired of the ongoing war of her life. She was alone, maybe waiting for her father to walk her down the aisle.

He shed his darkness and walked before her. She looked up and stared at him with lifeless eyes as if not believing his presence, ignoring his existence. He clutched her hand and dragged her under comforting darkness under the stairs.

He breathed harder on to her neck...
She noticed how her goose bumps surfaced by his mere touch.

As if a switch was flicked on, soon her eyes were baring all those hidden questions and anger. Then slowly, he saw her melting into him, the pain of his digging fingernails were maybe in no comparison to the pain of her heart.

He jerked back to reality; he knew he could not allow that. He has to let her go, no explanations can suffice, no pain can hurt her anymore, she had frozen her soul, and giving it new warmth of love is not going to help her.

He let go of her hands but in the next instant he cupped her face...

He has to go, go back into the little box of her past, he cannot be her future hence he has no right to be her present. Then why was he here...he wondered about his own intensions as he burnt again for her...a fire that he had never known with anyone else and never admitted of its intensity even to her!

Yes, he needed her mark on his lower lip before he left...for good!!

He kissed her for one last time.

His mouth closed in and opened worlds together within her and she knew no matter how passionate the kisses may be with anyone else who ever ventured that way...she would never be able to let go of the mind numbing effect he had on her. She would never be able to get that slight shiver of her lips coming in contact with his delicious mouth...that rhythmic movement of their tongues...the satiating feeling of his saliva in her mouth and how his hands moved along with the perfect synchrony!

Then he stood there and slowly broke into a grin...the world was no more mysterious....
Let the grass have all the green, let the sky get all the blue...but he had experienced his whole life in an instant.

He strolled out of the church gate, leaving behind a little squeak of the rusts.

He took out the paper from his back pocket he has been carrying for a month. A paper that decided he will not be granted more than 6 months of life. Pancreatic cancer they said will kill him....he wondered will it really?

He threw away the paper; he threw away the burden of death that he carried for so long. Because he just left his life back in the chapel to be handed over to a stranger.

Walking styles decoded!

For the longest time...my favourite source of amusement used to be walking-that is, till I discovered that indoors can be just as much fun as outdoors! ;-)
Walking is so enlightening*nope, not in the ‘Buddha getting it under the tree’ way but something as close as ‘Newton getting it under the tree’ way...pop drops an idea every now and then*


I am telling you...one of these days I would be world famous for some of my theories becoming established as certified facts...and my name taken with the ranks of Galileo, Einstein, Princess Diana, Columbus, Mother Teresa:
For example:
1. A man with big palms makes a great lover*not as in ‘on his feet mush’ lover but ‘in your sack n rack’ lover!
2. You can tell the strength of a man by his voice*yes, you can...a squeaky person can never have a larger than life persona...and look nobody ever told you that except good old Tumbling Thoughts...off-The lives we alter!*
3. A good kiss is as good as a good f@#$and can get you there where no man has gone before*no elucidation invited for this one -“at work” till further notice!*
4. Oho...never miiiiind...even in theories I can’t think straight:/
And I also think this post is not about my hypothesis, anyways!
Wtf...Why can’t you guys ever let me stay on one track! Fie! Fie!


Okay...so walking styles!
It’s no hidden truth that I go for my evening walk every...duh...it had to be evening only, right! Waise going for an ‘evening walk’ in the morning is very much possible considering some of the essays I check of my students...but then again...phew! Another track some other time!


So during my walking sojourns...my senses seem to be hyper active and I tend to notice things...or maybe I have no choice else except just walking and watching along....for there’s no one to hold hands with, or cling to...or crib saying ‘I can’t walk any further...please pick me up’*yes I know dear readers, it is anyways not possible to expect ANYONE to pick ME up...so stop giggling at this point n making a mental note of commenting about it later in my comment box*


Lately I seem to notice that people walk in many different ways!
Sure we all have the same hands and the same legs and the same stuff in between them all...ya, ya...that too...yet, yet, yet....


1. The Smooth Operator:
This one walks as though he is *mentally* gliding...I always imagine this ‘uncle’ just might someday raise his right hand Superman style and rise up in the sky after producing red underwear over his blue jeans...
But that thought requires so much of my concentration at his lower half, anticipating the development of the red ones anytime that I have chucked the idea of being the one to discover him altogether!


2. The Grasshopper:
Well, for why else but because he hops while he walks...so every time I adjust my eyes to keep him in one line of frame...in the next instant, he goes whoosh down, making me use all my energies in my already pent up body to lower my eyelids along with my eye lashes and some facial muscles, to notice him having gone down by a few centimetres!
Why do I bother to ‘look’ at him anyways, you ask?
Well, dodo...this is called taking multi-tasking at the next supreme level...
I am giving my eye lids an exercise along with the rest of the body!
*I am soooooooo brilliant...I scare myself sometimes ;-)*

3. The Break Dancer:
This one has too much excitement to control in his not so tiny frame... so that when he walks you can actually see all his muscles flexing n shaking to keep pace! You will also notice*if you put the entire scene in slow motion format like in movies* how all the weight from the right side of his tummy would travel to the left side like a giant sea wave and then get back to its place before repeating the routine!
With due respect to fat people*for I belong to your clan*I always thought his paunch would reach a place ages before the rest of him followed! I mean it is a big wonder why this dude never loses any weight, for he gyrates like his life depends on it!
I also wonder if I play loud music on the street someday...would he break into a jive*sooo tempted to find out some day*!

4. The Hammer Man:
Nope...that’s not a new superhero my friends...This one walks as though he has a hammer tied up somewhere between his legs! I mean keeping aside the pun-ny implications that this might evoke...the Hammer Man walks precariously putting one foot before the other and settling the ‘things’ in between with each baby step! He could even give Tendulkar a run for his money, in adjusting his assets while in the act!
For heaven’s sake...but that’s one display of assets that we don’t want to see!
But no...He’d be walking up to you and leave you with no choice but to imagine the weirdest possibilities for his erratic walk! And the worst is, he sometimes has a wife walking with him*nope, that’s not the worst part to it* and she walks with her legs slightly more spread out than usual...
So God bless my hyper-active, fertile mind to derive at the potential prospects to lead to such a scenario!


5. The Burster:
Nope...it does not say bust-er...there is an “r” there...
But yes, The Burster would be a woman! This dear lady walker wears clothes that would burst at the mere hint of an over stretching of her limbs!
So every time she takes a little longer stride, I go whoaaa with a hand on my heart...and then just as my heart beats drop to the point of relaxation, she raises her hand to stretch and I go wobbly again like walking on a rolling pole in air! I wonder what threads hold those hems and what efforts get her into those things she smears her body with*read that as clothes*
But unabashed, she walks like she’s the queen of the world...mast haathi ke chaal!

6. The Baby Stepper:
She walks with baby steps!
Okay, I know that’s not self explanatory so you are looking with a gaping mouth at the screen wondering ‘how’s that unusual?’
Well, imagine you have to go to pee as in reaallllllllllllyyyyyy badly and you can’t! You try harder*to control that is* but you can’t!
So what do you do...you scrunch your facial muscles and you squeeze your thighs together and walk, with your feet almost one in front of the other!
Yup...now you get the picture?
And she walks like THAT for almost an hour!
Makes me think of starting ‘Sulabh Shauchalaya’ in public gardens too*now that’s why I had added Mother Teresa to the list of examples above in the introduction to categorise me with*
 
So cases like these galore!
There’s an aunty who walks everyday belonging to one of the elitist families of my town...but one day*woe to that day*I discovered her kurta up *can’t say pants down here, can I?*and squatting facing the wall, obviously to attend nature’s call!


I have also seen a family friend- a dear old middle aged woman, who walks ahead of me sometimes with her kurta going inside the crack of her butt!
And her hips going in ‘one ball up and another ball down’ routine, jutting out oh-so-conspicuously from the rest of the body! OMG!*I run for dear life!*


Then, there are also couples behind bushes....of all sexes!


Phew! Walking! Walking!
Truly a catharsis experience!
I don’t know if I follow the ridiculous or the ridiculous follows me...
But I seem to have invisible antennas inbuilt somewhere that uncannily catch the frequency of the outrageous with stupefying precision!


And what do “I” do while walking?
Well, well...you’d just have to follow me around to find that out now, won’t you? ;-)

P.S. That picture of that awesome looking dame above...how I wish it was me...but alas it is not!
Just thought should let you guys know before my fan following rises due to misconceptions!;-)

If Only....

(It is said that the best love stories are those that remain incomplete...are they?)

He breathed harder on to her neck...
She noticed how her goose bumps surfaced by his mere touch...and now when he clutched her wrists with the force of his strong palms, pressing her against the wall...not just her hands but her entire body was in a grip!
His grip! She crumpled within like a wrinkled piece of fragile paper!
She felt his strength...the strength of a man...like never before!

He pressed closer to her petite frame almost enveloping her every inch with his own and she felt her own breathlessness due to the proximity again!
Again! After such a while!
Again...as though it had never been gone!
Although not gentle as before...neither wild as she was used to...
This was unusually different...almost fanatic...as though he was possessed!
She thought she knew all shades to him...but revelations yet never ceased to emerge at every twist and turn of this roller-coaster ride of love!
Love...was it really?

She stood there, not daring to move...nor willing either!
They hardly had a choice...crushed under the miniscule dark space under the staircase, they could not move without risking the chance of baring their clandestine union.

He had pushed her there...from where he knew she could not escape!
Where he knew he’d get his chance to say all he wanted to and do what he willed! So much like him...always doing just as HE willed!
And so much like her...always letting him!

He looked into her nervous eyes fluttering from right to left, fearing the voices that were calling her name, would come too soon to check in there too! Everyone of her family was within the vicinity and yet she was here, where if discovered the brunt of shame would be irredeemable!
But she was wondering...did she really care?

He let go of her hands but in the next instant he cupped her face...as if he knew it was safe to release her and she would not fight any longer!
He read her thoughts even before they were formed in her subconscious!
So physically n soulfully he held her like that as seconds passed by, where there was just a breath in the exterior but a storm within.

What else would you call it, for she was going to walk the aisle just a few hours later and the man in front of her now...was not the one who would be waiting to hold her hand at the end of that aisle!
Damn you for doing this now....she cursed him within even as she bit the edge of her lips in a bout of half exasperation n half despair!
She was a fiery woman of business before the world...but with him, she became his little kitten, wagging for attention and purring with shameless delight when given!

She had told him umpteenth times that she was not going to wait for him forever...almost five years of togetherness was enough...or perhaps not!
She had told him that her parents were looking for a suitable boy and if he did not present himself as one...does not mean that they would not end up finding another! He had laughed it off.
She had stopped all communication with him a month back, clearly indicating that it was over when the NRI boy had walked past the maze and floored her parents off their feet! Before she could say a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ a quick wedding date was proposed and she flowed along in others’ jollity of her future in the U.S.A.! She flowed along in the mockery of the trifles and sham in her own eyes! The whole town knew she had gotten engaged and so did he!

And no contact since then!
Not a moan...not a whimper...not an attempt to get back till today!
Why not then? Why now? What now?
Today when she is getting married...and today like a thief...coming to her without the slightest hunch to anyone in the house!
He did have a knack of entering the space not meant for him and make himself so at home, as though it never knew how it was to be without him!

She tried opening her mouth to protest...blood rushing to her face expressing her distress more strongly than words could ever!
He closed it with his own mouth...hungry, probing wanting to penetrate deep as though to leave his imprint forever to warn trespassers!

She pressed her lips together to resist but with every soft pressure of his unrelenting mouth...she gave up on all strength or will to stop him!
She opened her mouth and let him dig deep, for sensing again the familiarity of such passionate kisses, always left her wobbly in the knees!
It was not as though she was just physically succumbing...or just her eyes were automatically closing in to sink in to the feeling. She knew in another, her mind would completely shut too...
Shut off to the noises...the background...to the idea of what is right or wrong!
And it did!

She was conscious of her name being called out in the backdrop somewhere...but it seemed so distant like the rumbling of engines in a far away field...when all she was surrounded by was unadulterated peace.
Such pure physical pleasure, which when grips is a high like no other!
The gratification of sensory indulgence...a drug in itself...is inexplicable to those who have never experienced it and ravenous for those who’ve tasted it once...like the cool shower tumbling over a scorched patch of earth!

His mouth closed in and opened worlds together within her and she knew no matter how passionate the kisses may be with anyone else who ever ventured that way...she would never be able to let go of the mind numbing effect he had on her. She would never be able to get that slight shiver of her lips coming in contact with his delicious mouth...that rhythmic movement of their tongues...the satiating feeling of his saliva in her mouth and how his hands moved along with the perfect synchrony!



He kissed like no one she had known and she had known some!
He filled her with him, with every stroke he made...his teasing lips provoking her to fight and then gradually give in...leaving him with a sense of a thrashing power!
And he was drunk in that power over her!
Her soft moans despite herself were clear indications of it!
With him even simple kisses were akin to making love...so much was the involvement of every pore, that he would bring alive!
So hot his persistence made her that she began to sweat and her insides suffocated, made her heave with all she had!

And then in the next instant...just like that...
He let go!
His hands unconfined her bewildered face and his wild mouth rudely wrenched away from her greedy lips!
And he looked at her!

Just looked for a few seconds more with the corners of his lips breaking into a smile that she could not fathom!
Was he mocking her?
Was this his way of a good bye?

And just as he had come...he drifted to go!
She held him by the sleeve...her red eyes burning with rage and looking questioningly and piercingly at him!
Yet no word did come out!
God knows she tried to speak...to blame...to reason...but it seemed that her words were choked into her throat due to that passionate communion!

He was the devil...he knew this would happen!
He was not here to love....he was here to hate!
And with that realization something cringed within her, as she gave up on her grasp off his silk shirt!

And just like that he slinked away, becoming a face in the crowd of merry jostlers, returning back to being the ethereal!

She stood still watching the thin air where stood his frame not a while ago!
Stood like a statue till someone discovered her...and carried away to wear the garbs of her new life...the life that had ended even before it began!