The Awesome Twosome!

It was an interesting night out with friends yesterday and a moment of revelation for me, which often happens when I am forced to sit in the women’s ONLY section (@#$%) and I survive it! All of my grown up life, I have lived with the belief that men are the most obsessed lots with boobs don’t raise a questioning eye brow now-of course women’s boobs and not their own, unless they have them too-ewww. But hellooooooooooo, wake up time! I was proved wrong yesterday! If there is anyone most obsessed with women’s breast on this planet-It’s the women themselves. Stop gloating “man”kind! You are only getting a peek here, a peek into the discussion that is, so no need there to rub-those eyes so much.

We now had a gang of women discussing the usual ‘blah, blah’ when the hostess suddenly asked...

Woman 1: Ladies, am I looking too flat in this T-shirt? (taking all the searching pairs of watchful eyes to her top half or the lack of it rather!)

Me: Oh not at all yaar, with a waist like yours (I sometimes think if I put my palms together in a circle, with my finger tips touching each other, her so-called waist just might fit into it. I get such an anxiety fit at the possibility of the idea coming true that I never end up trying to find out) and those long sexy legs, who cares what’s on top?

W2:  Hehe, yup and men don’t really care what’s on top, as long as it’s a woman up there! (followed by a wink)

W3(she’s the ‘big’ woman, who is now getting a chance to flaunt at least something big about her positively and feel proud): Oh no, no! Men do care gurls! I mean for all your great size zero fetish, doesn’t your guy really complain sometime? (raising her fingers expertly and seductively down her line-cleavage line dim heads or would that be the cleavage circle...er...whatever!) Mine would be so lost without them! Ouch!

W1(very seriously looking down at her little cleavage now): But I’m not THAT flat I hope? Suruchi, you touch me and tell? And before I can vouch for my lack of qualifications or express my opinion to govern where my “handy” movements should or should not be extended to without permission, my palm has been manually grasped and put on her breast!

Me: Hmm...aaaa...mmmm no, I am not moaning with pleasure...I am thinking of a suitable retort to please all those watchful eyes of female predators-to please them all with one answer. Yup, I was trying to go where no man had gone before!

My mental maths:

Should I say they are good?-But that would mean I have an under nourished choice!

Should I say they are good enough?-But that would mean I have a liking for them!

Should I say they could have been bigger?-But that would mean that I am trying to flaunt my own!

Should I say ‘who am I to tell’?-But that would mean I’d rather do other things with them than tell about it!

Should I say....?-@#$%^@#$$ Ugh-Time up!

Time to say now and get my hands off them!

Me: Err...not at all! What size are you by the way?

W1 (chin up n facial expressions tightened, the kind that you’d probably see on Shaheed Bhagat Singh’s face in movies when he’d say ‘I am an Indian’): I am a 33.

And she smiles expectantly for me to say if I approve of a 33 or not. Bloody hell, I never even knew there was a 33. I thought there was a Clearasil n then 32 and then 34 and then 36 and then 38 and then unnecessary-excessive-madness and fake beyond that. And who the f@#$ am I to say if 33 is bloody good enough or not? It’s not as if I am seeking some pleasures from it or that I have a degree in BVR-Breast Validity Recognition!

W5 (in an expression of half disbelief and half offended and full don’t-you-dare-mess-with-me): Oh come on, that’s not true! If you are 33 then how on earth can I be 34, with mine way lot bigger than yours? (eyes glowering with challenge now) Suruchi, now you feel mine too and prove it!

OH MY BLOODY GOODNESS!!!!!

Where the bloody hell is my lawyer? I have some rights and now I intend to sue some people here for woman/man handling me. For heaven’s sake-my preferences and public display/perception of it is at stake here! But poor me, I end up getting stuck in situations where I least expect, yes, like in between women’s breasts! Here I was, sitting between two hot looking women-my hands outstretched like a scarecrow’s-each cupping one out of two pairs of womanly breast and I don’t know where to look and how much to grasp and please don’t even begin to ask how I was feeling as in emotions and not feeling-feeling! Phew!

As though by divine intervention to screw my case further, these women realized perhaps I am ‘holding’ them too lightly and this might lead to a miscalculation of a final inference. So they made me press well and tight! There is no bloody respect of a public place in the youth today! Tch, tch, this coming from me who has always advocated PDA-public display of affection! Little did I know that both genders might get involved in the term ‘public’!

And there I also spotted my beloved sitting at the other end of the hall, almost tilting dangerously his chair backwards to look through the crowds at what I was up to with an expression of...

Not “What the f@#$!”

Not “Someone help my wife!”

Not “Khabardaar jo kisse ne mere biwi ko haath lagaya...err...se haath lagwaaya!”

But “Do u need help in there honey? It looks like you have quite a ‘handful’ to do just by yourself?”

Me (in my thought bubble in return): @#$%$#@@&!

Me: Girls, girls, how does it matter? At the end of the day, for these men, it is not important how much you juggle, but more vital how THEY make you wriggle! (Looking at others for a thunderous applause at my philosophical insight. But as it seems, I was stuck in the in‘sides’ still and the dumb women just watched me gaping, with their mouths of course!

And so slowly, inconspicuously, I got my hands down. Thanked the father up in heaven!

Oye, down bole to, down to my own sides!

W4 (now with her arms in an akimbo and her upper half jutting out threateningly at me): Since you are testing everyone else, you must feel me too and tell. My husband would hate it of he knew I were left out!

Holy freaking shit! I need to wash my hands with Dettol today or perhaps Ariel multi wash would do. I had to get the scent of these women off me! If you had to put me through the test my Lord, why couldn’t I be doing the men? Err...I mean I could tell by touching who had the better muscles...on their arms or softest hair...on their heads! (What gross things you people just thought here a line before, na? Ram, Ram, Ram...ghoor kalyug!)

Hmmm, I always dreamt that people would queue up before me someday-little did I know it would be for a Breast Awareness Camp that I didn’t even set up in the first place! By now a little crowd had gathered around our table for word had got out. (Ji nahi...hamaare gaon mein “usse” word nahi kehte!)

I got many men to shower curious glances at me, smirk with all their charm in the mighty hopes that I might leak some of my new found depth of the ultimate truth. Some even shook hands with me again, even though they had tested the softness of my palms upon arrival. I had to remind them that I am not a touch phone and this is not a touch-pass-vibration therapy!

And then the men in their truest dumb fashion began to boast and fling uncalled-for proposals as volunteers that thankfully ended my whole role as the tester. I feel the world can get to the cure of AIDS, discover new planets and achieve all the rest of scientific blah, blah that they are struggling to reach at, if only the men would just stop proposing, presenting and selling themselves at every bloody occasion!

Man 1: To judge this you must call someone from the opposite gender to get the whole idea? Hey, your bloody good luck today coz I am available!

M2: Is there a confusion? Ask me, I am an expert in these things? I can even tell you how you can upgrade!

M3: You girls, don’t listen to these perverts. All they wanna do is touch you. Let me come to the rescue. You all just stand in line here and I would just watch intently and tell. Problem solved!

All the W’s finally in unity (in our thought bubbles): @##$$#@@%^&!

Needless to say you can fathom what happened after this!

The group dispersed. Some went to their husbands/ secret admirers to confirm, some went in a corner and tightened the hooks of their push up bras, some others bitched about some others’ assets and few were seen walking about with their front out in the rest of the party!

And what about “Me” you wonder? Well, I just had too much of a “touchy” experience to be able to say more here!

Love Path Deviations!

About a month back I had written a fiction three part “love story” about a couple hopelessly in love, but out of their wed-locks. It was supposed to be another take on a different and relatively less explored facet of love...the so called “extra-marital”, technically not allowed to be termed as love at all by social norms and the moral police, but then love nevertheless!
Out there I received some lambasting and some accolades for my interpretation-a few eyebrows raised in disdain or suspicion and a handful even hinted at a near heart attack!*wonder what would happen to those weaklings after this!*

But what struck me as obvious was a certain amount of public distaste for such a possible concoction!
I even received a comment saying that no love was evident there but just pure lust and infidelity!

Phew!
INFIDELITY!
A new age offering you’d say that we would have to get used to of seeing around, not so far away as on on-screen but in our very vicinity and sometimes even dealing with in-your-face threats of the same in our own little worlds!

But with the opening up of the globe, notions and minds, perhaps we need to open up also to the fact that “everlasting love” may also be edging towards the obsolete territory. We have to wake up to the idea that deviations in love may occur and hence gear up our defence mechanism and quaint little hearts for the same instead of pretending to exist in the land of oblivion. Ignorance is not always bliss. An ‘open view’ is a phenomenon that we need to understand first before scrunching our hoity noses or jumping onto the band wagon of self derived conclusions.

I hate mindless boxing and indexing of human beings...I hate branding of character without enough back up proof...I hate pre-conceived notions and judgements...and hence this!

1. Monogamy is great...but then it is a concept whose brunt has been largely borne by the weaker sex alone. Till she was largely monogamous, the world was said to be relatively moral no matter how much the male counterpart indulged even then! Those moral dos and don’ts were heralded by an era where women and men were more segregated and the former being confined within the four walls*for our ancient history is richer n bolder...somewhere down the line we developed the pseudo attitude*. No exposure means no realization of what she was missing and hence no strife to attempt to attain it!

2. Man on the other hand has been a wanderer from the initiation of history. He is the bread earner who must go out to seek it and in doing so, he many-a-times comes across that which he receives often without having sought! So if he strayed, he managed to cover his tracks...wear the garbs of a devoted husband...also enjoyed the strings of unabashed, on the side, wild love...and everyone lived happily ever after!

3. I am not defending or shredding either genders here...for the roles of the victim and the accused are easily interchangeable now, based on the universally accepted hypothesis that there is bound to be sufferings anyways!
There was recently a soppy serial on television that dealt with a couple in the dusk of their lives. She retires from her bank job with public declarations reeking of love and gratitude expressed to the “perfect” husband who had stood by her through the thick and thin of life. However just days later, she discovers he has another wife and a daughter in another town and suddenly the marriage she clung to, becomes a sham!
She feels all those years of matrimony which were hitherto bliss, were suddenly meaningless and make her feel dirty!
Oh come on now...I know this would be a natural reaction of most women, but then how can you possibly erase and ignore all good memories just because one blot has marked that sheet of your relationship?

You may be expected to be angry but why vindictive?
You ought to analyze his needs instead of raising fingers at his intensions or your worth! Reflect that a thing like this just happened or did he go out of his way to make it happen! Think woman, before going into the whole melodrama stance that sucks out the very life breathe of the relation, drench it in tears and gobbles up the smiles!

4. Most people would empathize with an infidel partner if the spouse is indifferent, abusive or family conditions incline towards being non-cordial. But there would be absolutely no dint of pity or attempt for understanding the reasons behind a cheating man/woman who walks out of line of a seemingly perfect union of two individuals. I remember watching the movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna...the Karan Johar-Shahrukh Khan flick, that bombed at the box office for it dealt with spouses who felt suffocated in marriages chosen by them out of love or motivated by security. I remember the flak of women in my gym for Rani Mukherjee for cheating upon the “perfect” husband played by Abhishek Bachchan. “What more could she ask for?” they reverberated in aghast horror!
It is still very difficult for us to understand the existence of an emotional void! There may be a loving husband, enough money, freedom, lifestyle...yet something may STILL be missing...a connect that the soul inconspicuously seeks!



5. Why does fulfilment of voids-emotional or otherwise tantamount to being selfish? We do have just one life to live and if we please ourselves, only then we remain pleasant for the outward show to the society.
I am not advocating wanton conduct, mind you! But I do believe in self help when in dire straits! It is okay to seek for happiness that we deserve, without crumpling someone’s feelings or sentiments!

We are taught to think bigger, aim higher, crave for the best...but then also in very tiny fonts below are given the limitations as to what such dictums apply on! They become evident and preached only after you falter!

We as a generation are an unsatisfied lot! We no longer depend on trains...we want to reach faster by planes, typewriters have been replaced by computers... we want high speed internet, multi tasking quicker gadgets, speedy home deliveries, reservations at the click of a button...

But if we want to attempt to elevate our mental disposition, remove the discontent in our emotional baggage, there are more ‘stop’ buttons than ‘enter’. There are just ‘backspaces’ and forced ‘deletes’ or ‘escapes’!
So while you deserve the best facial cream or are ‘worthy’ of the extravagant hair colour or motivated to imbibe the latest trend to project your outward prosperity, you are discouraged to do the same for your insides!
So much for our hypocritical thinking!



5. Who made the rules of our righteousness in our society?
Who can say for sure that ‘this’ is acceptable and ‘that’ is not?
Weren’t the rules made to facilitate discipline and not dictatorship?
Let’s say in the beginning of time when there was little understanding of things...man may have discovered sex!
He felt he liked it and wanted to try it more. Once explored with a certain partner, he may have been haunted by the query if it was the same with every other individual and he went on to experiment! He sauntered into new, pleasurable horizons with each, different experience.

But some in the species were lazy and easily intimidated! They could muster the effort for just one catch and having attained it, concentrated just on that exploration! Soon their number outgrew to those who dared and as such came about the set standard as guidelines for everyone! Monogamy became a fad and soon came in fashion and stayed there for so long that any other options beyond it became inconceivable!

So does the rest of the race pay the price for standards set by such lazy bones? Hmm...the argument doesn’t make sense, I know! Has no factual back up to support it either...but interesting and quite probable line of thought, if you ask me!

So like a thousand things that we follow blindly...we continue to follow relationship notions also- elders can’t be wrong, good mothers must sacrifice for their children and married people do not experiment outside for physical pleasures no matter how bad the inside story is! Period!

6. The extent of what you would term as cheating is itself debatable!
Flirting in the office, eyeing someone, going to a strip club, getting massages, kissing, dirty dancing, a friendly grab of the butt, cyber sex, one night stands, intimate friendships, phone pals, dating, lying about being single, fantasizing during the act, living in, wife swapping, etc...
You would say it depends from person to person...
Then why not let the persons involved in it decide for themselves?
Who would set boundaries and guidelines here?
You can’t attempt to form a preamble and let the public draw its own constitution...and before forming one, you must question yourself if you are worthy of doing so...if you are as impeccable as you would want the world to see!
You can’t say it is okay for Tiger Woods to do so because he is in a temptation prone zone and not okay for the common man...
You can’t say it is okay for a man to do any/all of the above but not seemingly for a woman!
So much that we must introspect deeply before brandishing someone’s character!
You have to shed some double standards!



7. “If a man strays, he may have got tempted...if a woman strays, she may not have morals?” Being a Casanova is cool...but being indulgent for a girl is slutty!
We encourage our boys to have girlfriends but we warn our girls about boys wanting just one thing and hence not wanting boys at all!

Why is a woman’s dignity considered more at risk and hence supervised more ferociously than that of a man’s?
How does having been in a relationship before, raise a question on our integrity concerning every other aspect of our lives?
Why is a man easily forgiven...or relatively easily forgiven for digressing but not a woman?
It is generally true that once a flirt, always a flirt....once strayed, chances of doing so again remain comparatively higher...but then don’t bar the accused of basic rights and leading a guiltless life!

Despite all the progress gender discrimination still looms over our lives. A boy taking naughty is attractive and a girl talking naughty is easy! When will we manage to shatter the stereotypes? When would we be able to give our children the joy of feeling like conscientious adults... “Do what you want to but don’t make us ashamed and be ready to accept its responsibility.”

8. We need to stop the alert radars from rising high upon seeing a man and a woman together just having fun. Our growing voyeurism is a matter of serious concern!
So many men go to Bangkok very often. They have no qualms about having had “fun” there on flimsy pretexts like it was not in their own country, it was just once or because they paid for it; Stress levels and long intervals from home sometimes induce a slight deviation. But these men act all moral-full and become super irritating when they cook up a gossip story about another married man who was only just sighted in a car with a woman! The masala gets added spontaneously and soon the whole town is talking about a flamboyant, flaming love affair!


9. Physical betrayal Vs emotional attachment...
Ask most men if they are likely to forgive their partner for physical or emotional betrayal...and they would choose to ignore the emotional crap as long as the woman’s body is prestine!
With women it works in the opposite way...they don’t mind physical indulgence for their man, but to think that some other woman over powers his mind is unthinkable!
Now which is worse and which is not...if it is not, is it acceptable?

In this argument I would also like to raise more issues...but from here on, I only have questions. I have no answers for them...perhaps you might help me here:

Is it wrong for a man and a woman to get into friendship outside their wedded loop...just friends or even otherwise, if they remain committed to their duties and relations?

Why is the world likely to blame higher education or a vocation for motivating a woman to stray? Should we refrain our daughters from studying too much?

Most articles I read on infidelity teach you what to do with the situation after the damage is done...
What about reasons...acceptance...motivations...empathy?
Why deviations are considered the end of a relationship and not a new opportunity to rethink things over for a better evolution?

I personally detest a man who would hop from one woman to another for satisfaction of physical urges! I absolutely abhor men who do not respect women and women who act trashy!
So have I made any sense above, without sounding as an advocate to extra marital flings?
Or in my bid to strike a balance between loyalty and self expression, I have screwed up this article?

After having read through the pointers I am sure you are pondering with conclusions...less so about the write up and more so about the author:
1. She is having an extra-marital affair for sure!
2. She leads too cushioned a mush life to realize the implication of the claims she is making and of such a betrayal...We’d ask, when it would come to her!
3. What the f@#$%! Did I just read all this long crap?

The "Adventures" of a Lazy Boy...zzzz...!

I am a little lazy boy,
‘Little’- I’ll explain why...
My body all grew up but mind refused to buy
The fact...
That there are things like sunrise and sunset
You don’t get food put into your mouth, even if you fret!

There’s a compulsion to stay smart
There’s an expectation to ‘not fart’...
You need to change socks on an everyday basis...
You ought to whoosh the mosquito that chases!
There’s a time to act demure
It’s the juncture to project mature.
But I blow off such crappy thoughts...
For they bore me to the core!

I lift myself from the bed each day...
In a slow motioned trance!
For someone warned me about bed sores...
And hence I don’t take a chance!
I have worked on making my system, slow from countless ages...
So much hard work in there, almost like of renowned sages!

I am careful not to let the grime settle on my tower...
I sneeze to ruffle it off, almost every hour!
And my shaggy bearing is getting the masses hooked...
Oh come on...It’s the latest in Baba Ramdev look!

I don’t shave for I believe in returning to nature
And not give complexes to those of higher stature!
I don’t believe in hairstyles or get my nails cut...
It makes me feel at home, when I am living in a rut!

Dragging my body weight to land on the table...
Is that not a task enough?
Ask me...so tough, so rough!
I eat less for good health and you term me crazy
I advocate keeping the body rested and the mind hazy!

I lift my eye one at a time, to save energy for emergency
And sometimes both just to show I have some consistency!
I try to press my lips together...and no, I am not getting horny,
It’s to save me from drawing a yawn...please don’t brand me corny!

I collapse like a bean bag through the day...
The maid considers me invisible in her sway!
But when the dusting cloth reaches dangerously close
I moan in protest,
But when she gives me a glowering look...
I forget to mind the rest!



‘Behave like a human’ is the topic of the sermons
Which I get often from other living beings!
I feel too tired to argue, so raise an eyebrow
Accepting the aftermath of my doings!
I don’t understand though why
Humans do bathe...do go out in the sun,
Why humans do work and follow the time
I believe it’s nipping the genius in the prime!

So what if I don’t bathe...I believe in saving water...
So what if I don’t socialize...I am saving from lust your daughter!
So what if my clothes stink, at least they are being used,
So what if my brain works less, at least it is not fused!
So what if I do no sport...Does that mean I am not sporty?
So what if I have no achievements, at least I am not haughty!

Someday I would have a girlfriend...for I believe in copy and paste,
The same love letter that I send to all...is never written in haste!
I spend hours over them, catching a nap before every word,
Someday my slow and steady ways would win me a hot bird!
You may throw a pass at me, but don’t expect me to catch!
Bloom I would, but don’t count my eggs before they’re hatched!

My laziness is progressing as the years are passing by,
Someday I think I’d sleep the week away...just for a try!
Now if you are expecting more or a proper end...
Try another blog at another bend!
My eyes are again pressing shut
The bed is again calling for my butt!

So don’t work too much guys
Believe in destiny,
It would anyways happen if it’s written...
Go to sleep when holy crap motivation smittens!
Oho you are still around, trying to rock my sack?
Hey now that you are here and to stay...
Start by scratching my back!
And when you are done with it my friend
Would you also remove that burger?
It’s lying on my key pad from ten days
And preventing me from typing further!

Love is Blind!

From two weeks I have been witnessing a couple who come for an evening walk in the college campus that I go to. They would have not evoked from me a mention here, had they not presented an exceptional sight.

The man somewhere in his late thirties, average height and glasses, is wheatish, with a regular face and the woman beside him is petite and pretty may be a few years younger. They are well dressed, their carriage boasting of a good upbringing and confidence of a good education.
And this is not what was uncommonly striking about them!

The couple walks at a very brisk pace, holding each others' hands.
Yes, for almost one hour that they take rounds of the campus and often cross my path, I find their palms clasped and intact there. Initially I thought it was very romantic to be doing so.
But gradually it became a bit unnerving!

We are generally not so unhappy about something lacking in our lives till we find it blooming in someone else’s. It’s been my unfulfilled desire since time immemorial to go for long walks with someone I loved. So the reactions began with “Awwww” but soon transformed to “Oh god, again today!” I was realizing why PDA-public display of affection, is intimidating for some!
But the love struck couple would not bother about me, or anyone else, as though their eyes were fixed only on to their destination!

Anyways, so every day without fail, I watch them sojourn the paths and take a glance at their countenances, making an effort not to stare, yet wondering at the motives behind the clasp. It’s not like one partner would run away...or maybe the guy’s too possessive...his wife was exquisite in her own right, after all! Maybe they’ve just been married, though it did not seem that way and even if they are...holding each other by the hand for an hour in a park doing a brisk walk does not justify that, does it?

Now to get to the arrestingly remarkable part...nope, I am not done with it yet!

Yesterday evening, I saw them again. As usual, doing their thing caring a f@#$ about what the world thought!
And then the lady stumbled...
Just a few pebbles on the way but enough to get the grasp undone!
And within seconds I saw the mystery unfold...

The man had gone a few steps ahead and rushed back immediately for he saw her groping!
Her fingers searching to hold on to his!
The pretty lady’s focus of her eyes had shifted.
She is blind!
How much, why, how...I have no clue...but enough to make her man hold on to her hand to lead her on her way...the physical challenge not becoming a handicap in leading a normal life!

The crisis was soon handled...a couple of reassuring words and a pat from him, a smile from her, the clasp back again and the footsteps quickened to rhythm, as they soon went past me, leaving me with a spasm in my heart!

True, unconditional and sacrificing love so rare...whenever you come across it, it rarely leaves you unaffected!

What an effort it must have been for the lady to muster courage to walk without a stick or dark glasses to face a public domain, despite all hang-ups that may deter them!
What a support it must have been from the man in love with her, to be willing and motivating her to do so despite only him being conscious of the stares they were inducing!
What a stupid mindset we have to judge people and motives of others, by appearances, without an inkling of what’s going on in their lives!
What foolish claims we make of love that we offer and indifferently handle the love given to us, when in such tests of time, we might simply fail!

Well, it is said ‘Love is blind and lovers cannot see’...well in this case...literally!

On my Death Bed....

Okay...today I imagine me on my death bed...
I have just turned 50 and on the night of the grand half century celebrations, I fainted*mind you not swooned for I am sure even at 50, I would still be waiting for a Mills & Boons kinda guy to walk into my whatever-is-remaining life and sweep me off my feet...sigh! Hey bhagwan...aakhri ichcha he samajh ke poore kar dena!*

Near and dear or rather the envious ones thought it could be of an overdose of Vodka...they would gloat that I’ve finally succumbed to the urges of excesses*you know how I love to piss them off...the envious streak blokes that is...I wear my green colour t-shirt during my association with them, that says “I turn green in the company of morons.” But of course they laugh it off...though I wish they’d get enough pissed to fill up buckets of it, that I could empty on their heads*

Anyways, one Vodka is generally enough to get me tipsy...
They must have made me drink five...one for each decade and there I collapsed unable to see the morning glory of a hangover in the cosy confines of the bedroom I have lived in for 28 years since my shaadi*yes I am assuming we’d still be in the same house for my beloved is a mamma’s boy and by that time he would have converted me into HIS mamma’s girl too...Whoooooooooa...now that I am anyways dying...hey you up there...could I die before THAAAAT? Phuleeeeeeeeeeeze...consider that as my second last ‘aakhri ichcha’ ...ab at least gimme a list of last wishes...I am dying ain’t I? That should be reason enough to let me deserve it!*

So I wake up in the morning sometime and look at the bleak white walls of the hospital and finally get to ask the dialogue I have always desperately wanted to ask:
“Mein kahan hoon?” *thank god I did not die without asking this or else aatma-ke-shaanti crap kaise hota and I would have to return back as a bhatakti spirit asking mortals ‘mein kahan hoon’ and hear in reply from them... “Exactly, we can’t see you either...kahan se kaun bol raha hain”...and the bugging hide and seek that would follow, would make me wish I were dead...or rather dead again...or...whatever!*



Anyways, drowsy and with no clue of last night...I look around at the little crowd that has gathered outside that room...
Sometimes dense that I am*please note the usage of “sometimes” which comes very less times actually*, I assume we are in a five star hotel room*dear beloved...at least at fifty and on my death bed, please take me to one of those ‘burn-your-pockets-here’ hospitals ...itna paisa bacha ke bhi kya fayda...upar to mere se he milna padega na!*

So my dearly beloved holds my hand and gazes at me with the look that was perpetually on veteran actor A.K. Hangal’s face...
And I assume the worst...
Maybe the maid has left us...
Maybe I had a car accident on the way and they’ve cut my legs...
Maybe last night’s party went over budget and now they’ve kept us in the hotel suite so that upon getting up we could do the dishes...
Maybe I have lost my memory and he’s telling me as always “for once, look the part well that has been assigned to you...”

And he breaks into a sob...
I offer the towel kept by my side and he does a good blowing job of it*some habits die hard...old age mein bhi blowing!!!!!!! I read somewhere that sneezing opens up the lungs...at the rate my beloved sneezes, that is @ about 20 blood curdling sneezes a day...his lungs would have expanded enough to accommodate Earth, Mars and half of Jupiter*

And he says,
“Baby, please be strong...” *ya right, as if that’s not what I have done for 50 years of my blessed life...I could give Arnold Swarzeneggar...or whatever way that is spelt, his run for money in this game*
“The doctors did some tests on you...” *whoa...he offered me as a guinea pig? I knew it...those damn life insurance policies in my name would tempt him enough some day to put me up as a bait*

“And there’s bad news....you have lukatmerokfromasia!”
I take in my saliva...
“You mean to say I have the ‘look-at-me-I-rock-from-Asia’ attitude?”
“No baby...it is a new disease...that blah, blah, blah.... *you don’t want the gory details of it now, do you? Let 2027 come and they would have come up with a definition of it...till then spare me dude....helloooooooo I am dying, that’s the least you can do!*

“You just have 4-5 days more to live....”
And buwahaaaaaaaaaaa....nope that’s not another disease or a big laugh...that’s my beloved howling at the top of his expanded lungs at the thought of perhaps...“Who would pack my suitcases now when I go travelling? Who would put my clothes in the wardrobe or my food on my plate? Who would cut my eyebrow hair when they grow too long? Who would pretend to be asleep if I come too close every, as in EVERY night?” And the bawls would make the hospital staff wonder if the entire women-kind has been doomed to disappear in 5 days and hence the mourning*

I look at the walls....blank faced*oh come on...how would I know how else or best to react in this situation? Pehle kabhi kisse ne bola he nahi ke mere pass sirf 5 din hain jeene ko*

I now remember how some twenty years ago I would brag on a funny blog that I had created about how I would like to get tapko-ed or parlok sidharo-ed at the age of 50....
*Damn your accounts bhagwan ji...tabhi kaan laga ke sun na tha ke mein kya maang rahi hoon? Where were you when I asked you to bring me Hrithik Roshan? Where were you when I asked you to make me 36-24-36 or make it 40-22-34 since we are getting it custom made anyways? Where were you when I asked you to let me help a passer-by on the road from getting crushed under a truck and he happening to be a millionaire who would sign up his millions in my name and die the next die anyways?
Where? Where? Where?
Some sense of timing you have! Hmphf...aapse to upar aake nipat te hoon!

Phew! So I am finally on my death bed now...after taking three pages in reaching here from the title that you read above....I better make the destination as worthwhile as your journey
*mere naazuk kandhon pe umeedon ka itna bojh...still I don’t f@#$ing lose any weight!*

Let me see now...just 5 days to live...!!!!!!!
I need these many days just to write farewell speeches to my friends, family, students, associates and chance encounters....my crushes and could be crushes...my relations and those who pretended to be ones or I pretended to be theirs...Not to forget the doodhwaala and the maali bhaiyya...the watchman*how I miss having a pet now...my speech would sound so much more complete* and our club desk hottie boy who always asked my beloved “Aaj bhabhi ji nahi aayen?” whenever I would not come. And also “Aaj aap bhaiyya ko chodh aaten phir” whenever I would come with him!*chodh matlab leave okay*

I put up a status on my face book....
“Gone in 120 hours...milna hain to abhi mil lo...waise agar 20 years of my face book life mein yeh shubh kaam nahi kiya...to aapka jeena vyarth hain...you deserve to die before me!”

I send a mass phone text message...“Yeh sewa 5 din baad se uplabdh nahi hoge kyonki iska prayog karne waale bhagwan ko pyaare ho rahe hain*you had your chance and lost it dodo*...is liye aayen aur apna shouk prakat karen”*abe shauk nahi...shouk ya shock bhi chalega...shauk ke umar to guzar gaye hoge na ab tak!*

I now look forward to a line and horde of secret admirers queuing up outside the room to get a glimpse of me or tell me before I die that they loved me...but couldn’t confess to it all their life* ya right...you have as bad a sense of timing as bhagwan ji...kya bhagwan, apne he prototypes he mere ass pass rakhne the...double hmphf!*

I imagine all my students whom I have served*not just with my teaching skills but also an ideal location for a date away from the zaalim duniya*to come up to tell me how I changed their lives...

I conjure up a scene where there is a stampede of sorts outside the hospital premises and such an uproar created that the media shutterbugs soon drop in to find out what’s passing!

And to my beloved and family members...
I gave you 50 years of my life didn’t I? Please give me the last 5 days of it for myself...
To flirt till my little heart bursts...literally*you didn’t give me the chance to pursue my hobby during my lifetime...now’s the right time to regret and lament for it...aakhir aap sab ko bhi to upar he aana hain...let me die a happy woman and I’ll make sure I keep good things/breeds waiting up for you when you drop in...up...finally*

To say quotes that go down in the lanes of history, like
“If you would not like to be forgotten as soon as you are dead...either write things worth reading or do things worth written about” *I have tried the former and failed...now all my money in the last 5 days would be on the latter...just DO it!*
Though my concepts of “do”ing things is a little lop sided like I am:
Old concept: Do or die
New concept: Do before you die
Latest concept: Don’t die until you do
My basic concept: What to f@#$ing do?*

To eat all the food I always wanted to eat, without bothering about weight gain*as if I ever bothered about it anyways*, to hand out my khoon paseene ke kamaye hue jewellery to those who’ve been nice to me*in case you haven’t, there are still 5 days to make up...and technically some 18 years actually from 2010*, to give a piece of my mind to all those who were mean to me*let them suffer with my mind pieces for the rest of their blessed lives as I have suffered with it through mine*

So my beloved finally asks me...
“Baby...is there something you want?”
“Yes darling...could you get me my beautician for a last facial...I must look good in white when you take me!”
“But you always look good in anything...I am sure you’d be the prettiest dead woman ever!”
“Thanks...but since it’s my last chance...why take chances honey?
I must get a new hairstyle also...one that would look good while lying down”
“I would miss you sooooooooooo much”
“Awwww....I will too. But don’t worry, I’d drop in every now and then to say “Whooo hooo...look who’s back!” especially when you’d be doing other women or hit you on your head and make you look around at who-dunnit!”
“Baby...haven’t you heard...you are supposed to RIP...matlab Rest In Peace and not RIP apart your beloved’s chances of happiness finally!”
Uffffffff...can’t even say here...“Yeh sun ne se pehle mein mar kyon nahi gaye” coz that’s already in the cards...



So there...now I wait for Lady Death or make it Dude Doom to come and embrace me...My signing off note:
“Duniya waalon...mere yaad mein aanson na bahana...
Jab zyaada yaad aaye to upar he chale aana...
Mil kar karenge gaana bajaana, hasna hasaane, shor machana,
Ho aise maut ke yaad rakhe yeh zamana, mera tashreef upar le jaana!”

I Feel Caged!

I feel caged, I feel caught
I feel restless though in thought...
A throbbing numbness within
Tempting to desire, daring to sin!

I feign black, I act white
A clear haze, though not in sight...
I look around for whiter black clouds
Poking and ruffling my surfacing shrouds!

I dance with sanity, settling the insane
Basking in the glory, wilting in the shame...
I try to sew or make sense of my urges
Striving within old boundaries for new merges!

I feel fingers at my windpipe
Dismay for the droop in the ripe...
Un-feeling the verity of being parched in any rain
I’ve learnt to fake-smile through any pain!

Every day I have half lived and half died
Half self crib and half self chide...
Would I soon become a faded bloom?
Would I soon portray the lively doom?

I am searching for me and what I want
Thirsting for truth while aching with doubt
I erase the lost victories and remember the forgotten
Is it possible to expect life growing from the rotten?

I feel caged I feel caught
I feel this, that and what not!
I give I want, I fulfil I desire
I animate I freeze, I give up and again aspire!

To Sachin Tendulkar..from a layman..err..a laywoman..uff..whatever!

Okay...first things first...
1. I have not watched a cricket match in like maybe a decade now*stop giving me those ‘if-looks-could-kill’ looks and don’t ‘eewww’ me as an outcast either...I’d sue you for discrimination or racism or something like that*I think it has not been since I got married and thereby got interested in ‘other’ games*wink, wink*

2. I don’t have much idea about Sachin’s strokes except some few of what he does on the field*hehe...yiyyeee(along with my jump on the bed n doing the famous yippee dance) Now go ahead and contradict me on this one you Sachin fanatic...tell me of his strokes in the confines of his bedroom...huh huh...bolo, bolo...ab chup kyon ho gaye?*

3. ‘Square cut, hook and straight drive’ are terms that send my gullible mind in TOTALLY different connotations*please don’t ask me to elaborate...already a dear friend and reader here has suggested ‘adult filter’ for my posts...after this I would get space only under Rakhi Sawant’s quotes* And as if that’s not enough...cricket has more terms to divert my innocent, straight-assuming line of thought into lateral thinking...silly point, gully point, fine leg???????????????? *now can you really blame me?*

3. Whenever I think of Sachin...I somehow picture him bending down a little to adjust the positioning of his legs, with his bat raised high*please don’t kill me...I have nice things to say too, I promise**and no I don’t have a one track mind either*

4. Dear father, forgive me for I have erred...I have watched him more in the commercials *"aile pepsi"* than doing that thing he does on the field*okaaaaay I am sulking now and you win...I truly am a loser...stop copying my yippee dance...it only looks good on me...on anyone else it seems like a rip off from the circus...that should calm you down!*

5. I always quote him while flirting with a younger guy... “Age is just a state of mind....see Tendulakar’s wife is older than him...yet they click and how”*needless to say I never win the guy at the end of this reference*

6. I can copy Sachin’s squeaky voice*oh now come on...even for a fan...you’ve got to have some amount of reasonability...nobody’s perfect and you’d admit that Sachin can never be a NOBODY...yiye yiye...finally got you on this one now...And you don’t even give me one of Sachin’s trophies for this...acha, 2-4-5 crores he de do uske yaar*

7. I also HAVE to go against Sachin’s case when my students tell me... “Ma’m what’s the point in studies? See even Sachin never went to college and look where he is now!” *I have to remind this wise guy then that if Sachin didn’t go to college at least he wasn’t caught behind the bush like you are often...I also have to tell him that this is not how you score a ‘sixer’ and hitting upon 50 girlfriends do not qualify for half a century!*

8...oye no 8...*bas seven he bahut hain...they call it “lucky seven” for nothing...maybe after this you’d still continue to read...*



Here are some great quotes that have been circling around since that 200 Sachin got for himself...
*I make 200 everyday...200 passes that is...and nothing ever echoes back to me except ‘grrrrr....hush...hurrrr’*
Darn...some guys have all the luck...I wish some of his lady luck brushed down on me too*and by the lady I don’t mean Anjali and by brushing down...errr.....never mind!!!!*

"Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it."
Said Hashim Amla, the South African batsmen
*Ya, right...if we get to board that plane that is...after being hounded by the press n public all through the way!*

"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
Andrew Symonds wrote on a t-shirt for Sachin
Hmmm...but if you’d all be Sachin...imagine the plight of his wife Anjali...!!!!!!!!
*okay if I am killed by the end of this...mom, dad...I love you and my dear beloved...please take a while before getting those insurance claims on the life policies you issued in my name...smart guy you are, I now realize...you knew I’d be assassinated sooner or later for my big mouth*

"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar."
- Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai.
*Ooo Sachin...please adopt me...I promise to be a good girl...err...woman...and write better stuff about you and watch every match and even their repeats and never ever insist on sleeping between you and Anjali mom*

'I Will See God When I Die But Till Then I Will See Sachin'
- A banner in Sharjah
*now I can only wish I were some female form of Sachin Tendulkar...of course taller, with a huskier voice, sexier n with long straight hair n playing 'other' games...Acha okay...the only similarity should be the way he is idolized yaar...ufffffffffff...half the world's GUYS are crazy about him even though he's not a gal with assets...**P.S. add the bank balance too, to list of similarities*

To sign off guys...there’s just one Sachin Tendulkar and we all love him....
*Amit, this last sher I have taken from your status...thanks to you, Saurabh and Rishi for your quotes that inspired me to this post*

“तुम बुलंदियां चुमते रहो, हम यूँ ही उड़ते रहे , तुम मील के पत्थर बनाओ , हम सफर करते रहे | तुम यूँ ही जीतते रहो, हम यूँ ही जश्न मनाते रहे.. तुम यूँ ही खेलते रहों, हमें ज़िन्दगी मिलती रहे !”

I Miss Missing You!

And then he asked her,
Did you miss me while I was gone?

And then she looked soulfully at him and said,
“I missed missing you!”

Not satisfied, half dubious and half baffled, he probed for his mad heart given to infinite love even after years of togetherness, suddenly needed a childish reassurance.
He wanted to hide it...
She wanted to hide that she had seen it!

She wanted to pull his leg after he had pulled her to him-the first long stretch of separation had pulled at the chords of their emotions.

He looked questioningly at her, so she smiled, giving up the tease.

And she said, Let me make up for all that I rarely say now...
For all that I feel still and all that you might wanna hear of me always.

I have pined for the feel of your bodily presence just a few inches away, for whether within my reach or not, yet it is so reassuring to know if I stretched my hand out to touch you, you’ll be there.

I nag about getting less time with you but when I don’t get even those few hours of the day with you, I realize how they are enough to keep me going!

24 hours without seeing you or getting embraced in a tight hug and I begin to crumble like the petals of a flower left unsheltered in the sweltering sun!

I don’t mind then, whether you are just engrossed in the newspaper, watching the television more intently than me, forgetting to notice if I had a new haircut or just nodding while I rant about all that went haywire in my newly tried and spoilt lemon cheese cake*which you more than make up by gulping it all down eventually*

For I know when I need you to react, I just need to have a five minutes of silent expression on my face and then you’d be calling me five times from work to ask me if all is okay.

It’s like I am used to of the thought of you being around me...
The dread of you being away never crossed my mind because I think this as unthinkable!

You may not be any Superman despite the red ones that I got you, yet you make me feel armoured, snug like an embryo not wanting to bloom.

I derive pleasure from watching you move around me doing the mundane-whether it is related to me or not!
I watch you when you sleep like a baby*looking so cuddly*, snore when you are over worked*though you refuse to accept it*, talk on your cell phone while watching the walls, sing along the lyrics of songs*which you have no clue of* and dance like nobody’s watching you.

I try to remember your touch that gives me goose bumps and tug at my arms with my own hands to feel that feeling again.



I snuggle at your skin in a long sniff so that the feeling lives with me through the day*how I wish I could bottle up your natural fragrance!*

It makes me smile within when you stare at me while I unconsciously slip back that lock of hair behind my ear, when it playfully falls on my forehead or I bite my lips in thought...

When you put a finger on your chin, watching me puzzled whether to wear the red tunic or the pink one. I ask you to tell me which I should pick and you laugh with a jeering glee, for despite your expert opinion, you know I would pick what ‘I’ like eventually...

I notice with sly delight, how you akimbo right in the middle of the room, trying to rewind in your mind the errand that was just there a split second ago and now you can’t remember it. I scrunch my nose also unseen to you when you frown about it.

I may harass you to keep your things in order, but look forward to picking up the wet towel from the floor or the worn shirt spread across the chair...the primness of the surroundings were tormenting me more!

I cry my guts out when you forget to be romantic or talk less than you did before yet thank my lucky stars constantly that you don’t forget to be ‘you’.

I may say a hesitant ‘yes’ when you ask me for permission for a boys’ only night out but never do you say an insistent ‘no’ even when I act unreasonable.

When you talk and I show that I am listening to you with undivided attention but I am actually constantly distracted by the way your palms and eyes express more than your words....

So even when you are there and not in my arms...I miss you with your presence.

And when you were gone...
I missed missing you!

The Leggie Lore!

After my thunderous-blunderous attempt at fiction…
*sob,sob...n I had thought I’d give Shobha De a run for her money…damn I even conjured up film producers lining up for copyrights yaar*
I am back to giving my pearls of wisdom on what I know best*stop jumping with joy..it's not sex today*
...The human anatomy*remember you heard about butts here first so that you learnt to savour them appreciatively and also mercifully, other than just raising an eyebrow and passing a smirk*

Soooooooo anatomy again….
Nope...I am not a doctor…
And I don’t dissect*at least not human bodies*
And I have no obsession with organs*unless you twist the anagram and make it ‘orgasmic’*

All I can do is …
Observe*yes I have x-ray vision…I can look beyond clothes…at your soul, that is*,
Gauge*I’ve got a feeling that you have put on weight handsome dude…how about removing your clothes and shedding 2 pounds instantly?*,
N stare*if worthy, then ogle and if not then just Google…I know that was a poor joke…but rhyme to acha tha na?*

So let’s tackle LEGS today!
My inspiration for leggie talk?
Well, as usual…my soul mate of sorts by now…my gymnasium!
My dearly beloved asked me yesterday, after looking at me from head to toe, with eyes wide open and a gaping mouth…
*Nope…the question was not…Can we have sex now?*
*N much as I’d love to tell you here that it was due to my drop dead gorgeous looks…it was actually a jolt provided by my thunder thighs! Now I could give Sridevi a run for her money…abe koi to run kare!*

So my dear beloved:
“Baby, are you sure you are going to the gym every morning?
Are you sure they’ve put you in the weight loss programme and not weight gain by mistake?
Are you sure it’s not like you say the new track pant but actually fat on those pretty legs?”
Hmm…after so many of his audacious questions*yes, mindless chivalry is still not dead*…I had just one query back for him…
“Ji, aap aankhon he aankhon mein baat aur sawaal nahi kar sakte…uske liye zubaan khoolne zaroore hain? Grrrrrrrrr…!”

So I told my woes to my trainer and he made me work out extra this morning on the stepper and what used to be chickeni leg pieces till yesterday are now suddenly mutton korma…
Kachoomar ban gaya yaar mere legs ka…Don’t remember when they were this wobbly last…
*err, actually I do remember now…haaaw haii…but can’t share! Yes there is still no sex!*
Now they seem to be pathetically pleading to me, “Nalaayak, kya isse din ke liye meine tujhe paal poos kar apne upar khada kiya tha?”

And I can’t even raise them to kick someone if they bug me too much…
So, big hearted as I am*yup, I forgot to mention everything about me is big* I am telling you that now is the time to get onto my nerves and get away with it most non violently from my end…
Warna mere kicks Bruce Lee ke kicks se kam kahan*all the puns intended!*

Oho…
What the f$@#!
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT LEGS!
Or at least so I intended to!!!!!!

So why so much shor about legs you’d say?
Hellooooooo…even I know it’s just some bones straightened one on top of another…with some muscle additions thrown in…calf muscles and thigh muscles and ankles and knee cap and toes and heel and all the rest...
*arre please get impressed by my limited leggie knowledge by this much description…for beyond this I’d have to Google again and abhi mood nahi hain…Oye hoye…yaad aaya…I remember studying tendons somewhere in school too…but I’d be damned if I knew where it is actually*

Have you noticed how like everything else, legs seem to have variations too and a whole lot of fun if used, raised, lowered, positioned and manoeuvred rightly?
Whose not dreamt of being entwined in long legs that know how and where to twist, turn and settle?
*‘Yeh taang mujhe de de thaakur’ would have been so much more practicable than asking for ‘haath’…silly Gabbar…even if you were not gay!*



Possessing luscious, drool-worthy legs on your own frame or your beloved's, is a dream for every guy who has walked on this planet on whatever kind of pair provided to him!
*Of course for women, please add ‘hairless and soft’ as two more adjectives to that maintenance free dream!*
Legs can do so much for us…it’s one of the sexiest parts of our body and legs that go on and on and on, are any day better than a tongue that goes on and on in wagging*unless of course you are using it for purposes other than discoursing*

So the postures, inclines, appeal and positioning differs*yup, we are still talking about legs dear…And let’s keep those legs still out of bed! Har jagah “taang” nahi adhaane chahiye na?*

I have seen the most varied lay outs of legs in my life….
Have you ever seen legs positioned like <>?
Yes sir…a normal torso and suddenly as the body continues to diverge…it decides to form these sideways “V”s!
I have a relative in the family with such legs
*now if you are a relative and reading this…hey bhagwan…conk off this guy’s computer…and if God’s not obliged me yet…O mere rishtedaar, mujhe maaf kar do…bhagwaan ke liye, kyonki yeh technically unke he fault hain!*

So whenever I see him, I begin to wonder ke yeh chakkar kya hain?
Is there something really heavy somewhere there that his legs can’t seem to carry the weight of?
*Oye…I am looking at his belly and talking about it!
Don’t you go too deep in the story!*
He does have a good capon lined belly…it makes you marvel at how he would button and zip his trouser every day?
Pull upwards his belly manually, hold it there with one hand and use the other for adjustments before it falls and overlaps again!
Phew!
Maybe the overload leads to the diversion…I fear now at the idea of him putting on more weight…imagine the <> going __
Ouch…painful thought!

Then there are legs that are fuller below the knee than top and others that are fuller at the thighs to suddenly turn into rods!
Some men have grandmother-like bulging mass legs and others have so many hair there that the leg’s skin colour forever remains a mystery!
Some women have those ugly bumps while others are satin slippery smooth! Put them up on a stilettoe and you’d have more things than just her frame, rising! She probably even would get a standing ovation!

Legs can be used to achieve many purposes and I am not talking of taking you and your butt from one place to another!
I mean look at all those legged beauties in tinsel town who wear gowns with long slits that seem to be alluringly beckoning!
Almost like giving a peek of the passage to greater things!
*No puns intended*



No game better than watching a pretty young thing, wearing a short skirt and showing well oiled or creamed legs, tilting them sideways as she sits or spreading them by just a degree to raise the tease…one on top of another…and all the men wishing they’d be crushed somewhere in between!
Oh yaar…any wise crack that I am attempting to make here is verging into the double meaning domain!
*My dear readers…you know na, that my intensions are pure and my innocence is undoubted...wtf…nahi pata to ab maan lo!*

Oho…nahi maante…
Chalo then pack up time…
Lemme remove this laptop from my legs…run my fingers down and point my toes in an elongated stretch and make my dearly beloved crave but I would not give in, wanting him to fret for indirectly leading to this post and saying...
Ab to ‘paon’ pakdoge tab he maanonge…;-)

Just Another Love Story? Part-3

(Please read Just another Love Story- Part 1 & 2, prior to this fiction tale, for getting the flow of events here!)

It is a different, out of this world feeling, walking side by side with the man you love!

As they walked down the long corridor, Shradha would catch a sideways glimpse of him, Siddharth would hold her hand; she’d turn around to walk backwards a few steps for she wanted to make him adorably conscious, inclining her face teasingly towards him, trying to pull him closer with their hands clasped. He would put his palms on her shoulders to turn her back on course, like you do with a truant hell bent on mischief.
Thus beaming and entering the movie hall, Shradha felt as though exiting from a cocoon forever!

Sid had asked for the seats of the last row but was provided those of the edge in the third last one. When they settled in, they realized a teenage couple had conquered the back benches. Darn! These youngsters...how do they always get their way? And why in god’s name were some twenty young inhabitants already colonizing the hall for such a wash out flick! Don’t they have anything better to do on a good, bright morning?

The lights went dim and then dimmer...till darkness enveloped them, projecting just their silhouettes against the screen glare. Any more self-restraint and Shradha felt she would burst. So giving in, she turned his face towards him and brushed her lips gently against his. It’s the era of the women lib, she reminded and consoled herself with for her unabashed expression! And as though, if it was not that era, she would have controlled herself!

“Baby, let the movie start!”
“Arre Sid, it’s already started. See they are showing the titles! How much more can a thing start now?”

And before he could say anything more in protest, she bent forward and kissed him again. This time it was how a kiss should be!
His big mouth covered her slightly quivering lips and continued to press on them with gentle yet hungry strokes. He tenderly bit her upper lip and then the lower one and gradually made it rigorous. He began to explore her sweetness and wetness with his tongue, as she gently moaned feeling her mouth ready to explode. He sucked her soft pink lips, then played with her shy tongue and then savored the juices of her delicious mouth. She just closed her eyes and succumbed, feeling the force of his eager mouth caress as though he wanted to gulp her down. She tilted her head slightly to take in more of him and he pushed his mouth deeper into hers.

They had often talked about how he wanted to kiss her. She had often speculated in her moments of solitude how this would feel. But this was beyond her confines of imagination. It was the most awesome kiss ever (despite her poor track record in this domain) and when his lips parted from hers, she had to gasp in deep, for she was actually breathless!

“Phew! You should have told me na babu that you are such an awesome kisser!”
“Phir kya hota?”
“Phir mein jaldi Mumbai aate na! And we would have not wasted the last couple of hours in talking!”

And she tried to reach to him again...
“Shreds, baby, there are people around!”
“F@#$ the people! I don’t care...Aap ne sherni ke mooh mein khoon laga diya and ab bolte ho sherni beta ja keertan kar...
Ghanta keertan hoga merese ab!”
“Hahaha...you know I love to hear you say this word in your accented way...You sound so cute! Oh, I could cuddle and squash you out!
I am not worried about me baby, I don’t want anything bad happening for you.”
“Oho...Babu but woh last benchers...woh bhi lage hue hain yaar and they are probably not even adults. Now don’t make me sound like a horny bitch in the heat! Kiss kar rahe ho ya peeche waale se jaake pooncho if he could handle two pair of female lips at a time?”

The affront on his manliness worked well, or so she thought!
And he kissed her again! He couldn’t help himself when she looked at him so imploringly with her innocent eyes as though he was doing the ultimate cruelty on her by keeping his lips away!
But he also quickly moved back conscious of not attracting unnecessary attention. This felt divine yet it was not heaven but a god damn public place after all!

“You know what, honestly Sid...before I came here, I was very nervous...I asked God ji...please don’t let anything happen beyond a kiss...aur ab I am kicking myself and looking gloweringly at God ji for listening to me now, of all the times!”
She grimaced like a baby and he reassured like a man!
Sid lovingly put his arm around her, cupping her cheeks with the other palm and she let her head rest on his shoulder, her fingers moving ahead to feel his neck and unbuttoning the first button of his shirt to feel his chest!

“Oh yaar...Shreds, pehle batana tha mere izzat lootne waale hain...I would have at least had sweeter and wetter dreams of it last night!”
“Oho, shut up...itne bade Mumbai...couldn’t you have hunted down for places where we could love each other in peace?”
“Sweetheart, kaam-shaam chodh kar ab yehi karonga kuch din, to be better prepared for your next visit!
Mmmm*smiling complacently*What are you doing with my chest hair?”
“Counting them to make a wig! What do you think I am doing babu? Feeling them with all the excitement in each of my pores in my already hyper body...by circling my fingers on your broad strong chest. Your biwi is mad to push you away for being too hairy...I find it exciting yaar... mmmmmm*soft moans of pleasure* Ab bhagwan ke liye yeh mat kehna chodho mujhe sab kya kahenge?
Aur yeh lo...now my toes are feeling the legs above your socks...Don’t you dare tell me yeh bhi log dekh lenge!
Mumbai ke munde aise hote hain? Isse to ache Banaras ke baalayein hote hain!”

“Tell you what...we need to better occupy your hands and mouth...Now would you eat something...I am well fed but you must be hungry?”
“Hmm...But they can’t put you in a napkin and serve to me, can they? Boo hoo...Baby, I am so hungry for you and you are such a Phatoo Singh! Pehle kyon nahi bataya aapke itne phat te hain...aapko pehle he reject kar dete! Naam bade aur darshan chote!”
“Waah...kya zamana hain...guys are rejected because they are less physical than expected! Oh why was I born so early! I wanna be hot n young n desirable...now, now, now!”
“No baby...too late. I have already prayed for you to lose your hair, grow fat and turn ugly...so that no one else looks at you except me!”
And she bit her lower lip and ran her finger across her visible collar bones, fully aware of how it affected him!

Shradha had expected a hundred things to happen...but never in her wildest of reverie had she thought she would turn into such a desperate temptress. She had come to Mumbai with beliefs that Sid in all his madness would want more. The tables had turned and turned how! She never knew she was capable of such a physical urge and such strong sensual cravings would surface in her, beating on her insides!

With Param, being of her age, she was always the tougher one, supporting him through thick and thin as he grew more dependent on her. With Siddharth, he was THE man. She felt for the first time that here was someone who’d take care of her instead and she could just curl up in his arms and be lost. She felt safe and snug there. She felt the manliness of his expert touch as well as the roughness of wild love and mature passion. She felt as though he had cupped not just her face but her whole being in his sturdy hands! Suddenly Param at all of 28, was the boy again! And Siddharth was the man, how a man should be!

All her life being drawn to and pursued by the chocolaty cute boys, it suddenly dawned to her that a rugged, robust torso with a raw natural flavour was more stimulatingly and sumptuous!

“What are you watching so intently the screen for? There’s no porn there and I can’t see no naked women!”
“Baby, at least one of us should pretend that we are watching the movie.”
“Let’s pretend instead that there’s no one but us in this hall...pleeeeeeease”*making a baby face*
“Nope, let’s pretend instead that we have brains along with the balls and are not like those giddy teenagers sitting behind us!”

And Shradha sat back remembering how once Sid had called her very annoyed...
“I am so bugged Shreds...you know what, I caught these sales guys in the basement room, watching a triple X movie in the office premises! They were scared as hell when they saw me!”
“Oh my god...what nerve! What did you do then? Zyaada gussa to nahi kiya na?”
“Arre, kya baat kar rahe ho tum...Immediately bola, iske copy banao aur original ko turant mere cabin mein bhejo...hehe!”
“Offfffffffffffoooooooo...Siiiiiiiiiid! Kaise ho aap?
Then why on earth are you annoyed?”
“Arre kamino ne original ke jagah copy bhej de...jab kuch hone lagta hain...atak jaate hain...Now you tell me baby, what on earth is more annoying than that?”
Sid’s madness had made her so mad about him!

He ran his fingers through her soft full hair and wondered was there any spot in her body that was not soft?
His finger tips traced the features of her smiling face and her smooth skin as he secretly beamed at his good luck for having found her! She was just amazing...one of a kind! A beauty with brains! He often told her... “Talking to you is like mental masturbation! You stimulate the teeniest of my grey cells into alertness!”
And she would often tell him...
“You are the extension of me in a male body and mind! If I was not me, I’d be you!”

After around a few dozen of big, small, wet, long, hot, cool, yummy, sucking, drooling, biting, licking, probing, greedy, enveloping, devouring, hasty, slow, hungry, poking kisses...the movie finally came to an end and it was time to drift bodily apart again! Although by now it was almost an excruciating pain to keep hands off each other!

“Sid, let’s go into the mall...I wanna buy you a watch, so that I always am around...just at an arm’s distance from you!”
They entered a lifestyle store and went through the watch counters!
They tried some...she frowned at one...looked indecisively at another...he looked through the price tags and then questioningly at her. He had almost never shopped for himself...and she wanted him to indulge...experience any and everything with her!

And suddenly the lights went off in the store!
It was like in the movies.
God ji was making up for not giving them enough of each other as they wanted!
A dim light shone from the other end as the sales guy at the counter went away to check. This time, Shradha took off one of her sandals and came closer to Siddharth. She wanted to feel all of his soaring length next to her own! They were inches away and just looking into each other’s eyes and smiling! It was a moment that a lifetime is made of!

“Let’s go to the rest room!”
She pulled him by the hand and it meant clearly...Mister just shut up and follow me, coz you don’t have a choice here!
A little space outside the rest room was deserted and this time Siddharth pined Shradha to the wall and pressed his body onto hers. He held her face in his palms and gave her a long smooch, the way he always wanted to, being face to face, wrapping every inch. She felt him towering over her and was most glad to be lost within him! He pulled apart at the slightest of sounds, fearing someone would come in and she got him back by pulling his jacket and again on her mouth! It was yet another flash that they’d relive for their eternity. Just about a minute spent there was going to leave an indelible impact on every kiss they had from there after!

An elegant watch was bought, matching with Sid’s persona and the bill slip kept safely by him!
“It has your name on the receipt Shreds...so I shall cherish it forever!”
Shradha had a membership card for the store.
His saying so almost broke her heart for she could perceive the genuine fondness with the teeniest thing about her, in his eyes and smile that shone just for her.

They got onto an elevator to reach to the basement parking! It provided them half a minute of solitude as people got out on their way down. Kisses of urgency and a tight hug followed, with the thought of separation killing them softly! They touched each other as though trying to frame a mental picture of how it felt, so that the memory remains etched, long after they could touch no more!

Sid forgot where he had parked the car in the huge parking premises! This had never happened to him before in all his twenty years of driving! But then Shradha had never happened to him before either, in all his thirty five years of living!
They walked about hand in hand, looking for the car!
Shradha was praying they would not find it for at least another hour so that they’d be like this for a while more. But even five hundred cars there, could not camouflage the inevitable.

It was evening and time to part ways! She was aware of a searing pain in her heart at the prospect of having to go and maybe not see him again for god knows how many months or even years. She was to leave for Banaras the very next day! He felt snubbed as though someone was slowly pulling out the thread of the throbbing heart within him!

They were returning back to the civilization and existences that they called life and breathed in but feeling they were leaving their souls with one another!
He felt a strange heaviness in his heart...she felt her dream was crimpling down. Would it ever be the same to just talk on the phone?
How difficult or easy would it be for now for he would remember every move she made, how she walked, how clearly her laugh rang and the little dimple that formed on her cheek when she whined like a baby. She would remember how firm was his grip, how gently he had mapped the outline of the curves of her mouth with his finger, how amazing it felt running her fingers through his hair!

Was it for the better or for the worse that they met?
Once out of the parking lot, Shradha got down and hollered for a cab and Sid geared to drive away in the opposite direction!
Was it symbolic or just cruelly ironic?
They moved on to their separate paths after it seemed of having lived a lifetime!

It’s not just another love story!
The best love stories are perhaps left incomplete and unsaid!

Just Another Love Story? Part-2

(Please read ‘Just another Love Story? Part 1’, before this to understand the import of the continuing tale here)

Shradha’s body had settled in but she had still not!
Phew! Just a couple of feet away from the man to whom she had breathed out, countless times over the phone, the three, golden, magical words “I love you”! And now she was almost and literally speechless!

She was glad that he was driving, so the focus was on the road and not on his scrutinizing how she looked. She didn’t dare to look too much at him herself, feeling extremely conscious of the proximity. He smiled, spoke a few words to make her comfortable and held her hand. The touch made her a bundle of nerves for a moment, but then as their fingers clasped, within seconds strangely enough, it made her relax. His beautiful, clear, deep voice resounded again, reminding her that he is the one, with whom she spends endless hours every day over the phone and yet feel the need to talk more.
She knew every emotion and motion that he had passed through in his three and a half decades of life!

Yes, they had talked their lives and guts out!
They had laughed and loved and lived each moment of togetherness. Now she smiled again for when he laughed, she saw his teeth!
“Heeeeeeeeey, you’ve got teeth...yipieeeee...I always thought they were probably not there or really dirty n brown for all your pictures are with a lips compressed smile.”
“Baby, just because I don’t show many things to you, it does not mean they don’t exist! You wanna know what else I have that you’ve not seen?” *Wink, wink!*

Suddenly he was no stranger, he was mad like she knew him to be and remarkably enough she felt as though they had never been parted, forget about having never met before. Sid, for that’s what she called him, in his characteristic mischievous way, winked and whistled and told her that he thought she looked beautiful and never would you have seen a redder tinge than what spread on her cheeks, as she smiled coyly. With her soft palm, she physically turned away his face on the road to stop him from looking at her with hungry eyes. And then when her nerves had eased, she raised her own long lashes to look at him. And she smiled for she liked what she saw!

Sid was thirty five...way older than her...yet seemed equally nervous...in fact won’t be an exaggeration to say, jitterier than she was. He said he spent one hour in dressing that morning and gulped down three parathas and a couple of sandwiches to ward off the anxiety and just to keep his hands occupied.
Gone was his overflowing, confident demeanour that was conspicuous in telephonic conversations...well, not exactly. He smiled shyly when she gazed at his countenance so perfectly etched...the taut jaw line, the little eyes that closed shut when he laughed aloud while his head tilted backwards, the cheeks that formed adorable moulds just before meeting up with the long nose...the narrow ears with the softest earlobes and broad forehead that spoke of the immense brain that lay within.

“Baby, just look at our hands together here, clasping the gear...yours so white and mine so black!”
“Babu, but then look at the skill of the palms too...yours holding mine so perfectly and my crumbling to fit in!”
He smiled.............and sang for her. Siddharth always did that to woo Shradha. He sang when they spoke on the phone for the first time (after a month of writing emails to each other), sang whenever she asked him to, wherever too, like from the men’s loo, like from outside the classroom of his daughter’s PTA meeting!

Yes, he was crazy about her! And for Shradha, anything and everything about him seemed adorable...like he said often teasing her, that she was blindfolded with the strip of love to notice the flaws.
Perhaps she was!

His wheatish complexion brought more character to his appearance but the over worked eyes seem to betray the churns of everyday humdrums of life! Yet his buoyancy was infectious and sent a thrill down Shradha’s spine, for it seemed every pore in his body was just as enlivened to see her. She basked in the smug satisfaction of being within his aura!

She let her gaze travel around for a while at the skyscrapers and yet it returned to him, magnetically...her curiosity making her give in. She squeezed his hand and felt the strength of his grip. She had often thought of how his long fingers would feel entwined in hers and felt her goose bumps rise at the idea of this realization. She noticed how beautifully the corners of his lips curled up playfully, when he smiled in embarrassment of being blatantly stared at. And she enjoyed his slight discomfort that made her lose all of her inhibitions. Suddenly she had metamorphosed from being ‘the hunted’ to becoming ‘the hunter’! Her hands moved boldly and further on him to explore.

She felt his salt n pepper hair ending at the nape of his neck and gently touched them. He smiled for he enjoyed her dainty fingers creating magical, soft circular strokes in his hair and then patting his cheeks. This was no longer virtual...it was real and here to stay. She belonged to him all that day and something in him reassured...not just for the day, but for life! He felt the excitement of a teenager and simultaneously the mad rush of the insane. He felt everything with her and nothing beyond her.

“Baby, if you’ll keep touching me like this...it would be soooo hard!”
“Huh, what?”
“Arre matlab so hard to drive yaar! Ram, Ram...what a dirty mind you have!”
“And how about this then?”
She took his fore finger and licked it. She had seen this in the movies and noticed how the hero would wedge moan fully at this action. Sid laughed and hugged tight his innocent Shradha, trying with all her mettle to please him...driving him crazier with the effort than the act itself!

And she questioned him teasingly, “Tell me, is this better or worse than with those two bimbettes who came before me?”
“Huh? Which bimbettes? Was there anything before you?”
“Acha ji...we are playing dumb now, are we?”
“Baby, anything before you has faded and everything after you would be jaded!”
The perfect answer, as always! Perhaps by now he had learnt what made her smile and shut up with her half-jealous queries.

Sid was a successful software engineer, also married, to a pretty wife and had a delightful daughter. But unlike her, this was not the first time he had been unfaithful...or shall we say, deviated from the monogamous course. He had met a couple of girls before on similar kind of a date...but then he said it was more of physical than a mental connect. He had never any qualms in admitting that he had a hyper libido that was sadly under satiated in the routine and monotonous chains of matrimony. Yet he never said that he didn’t love his wife either. He had well etched out boundaries and clear perceptions of how he wanted things. Yet Shreds, for that’s what he called Shradha, had ruffled his calm surface and caused ripples that were beyond his control. So he would tease her that she had ‘shred’ him apart and the name kinda stayed!

There was something about her that made him call her after almost every couple of hours, for her voice would fill up some void and she would make him feel wispy like a feather! So it was difficult to say if she was more intoxicated by him or he was more enchanted by the temptress, for slowly Shreds was getting comfortable in her skin, almost sexy and beckoning!

Despite facing glitches at work, Sid had taken a day off, for this rendezvous had been the most awaited moment from the six months that they had known each other. They had planned for, imagined and relived it again and again countless times and the pleasure of seeing a dream come true was visible on both of their faces.

“Sid, we could meet up in some store of a big mall?”
“Ya, like you can go in the changing room and I can tag along as loose change...waise bhi I would get ‘loose morals syndrome’ when I’d be around you!”

“Sid, how about going for a smooch on the terrace of a five star hotel, jahan koi aata jaata nahi? Hmmmmm?”*with a proud grin for floating such a wonderful proposal*
“Darling, agar wahan koi aata jaata nahi, to hum wahan kaise pahunchenge?”*with a prouder grin, for bursting her bubble*

What had begun as a teasing, intimate friendship somehow had curved into an inseparable link of love that bound them most unreasonably and irresistibly. Two people committed and devoted to their life partners had found life and living beyond them and ‘I love you’ came out tumbling naturally like water unable to restrain when the shutters of a dam are sprung open! The best or worst part of it all was the deep physical urge that they felt for each other...an addiction...that disallowed keeping their hands off each other!

They used to often joke to lighten up the sexual tension:
“Sid, I think I am using you for your body! My ‘I love you’ is actually ‘I lust you.”
“Shreds, wow...please don’t think so much baby that you change your mind. Use and misuse me darling...I am all ready here...one wink and I’d strip...honest to goodness!”
“No yaar...I mean seriously...did you ever think you would be someone’s fantasy pin up boy?”
“Aa aa...am I now? Par ruko...I shouldn’t give in so quickly na? Nahhhhhhhhin...mere izzat se mat khelo.”
“Ab bachke kahan jaaoge raja...hehehohohaahaa...my lusty Ranjeet laugh Sid, with tongue lolling at the sight of your qatil jawaani!”

For a while they just drove around, making use of the traffic light signals to stop and stare. He spoke, she laughed...he touched and felt the softness of her arms and asked if she had just bathed with milk and creamed herself with butter and emerged before him to make him wonder if this was real. “Gawsh, I’m glad you are not married to me...imagine the cost of getting milk everyday for you to bathe in! Waise hamare shaadi ho gaye hote to hum duniye ke le lete na...that is jab ek doosre ka lena dena over hota” and the winks again!

He drove through to a coffee house facing the sea side and next to a cinema hall, for he wanted to see her face to face, before they could go in for a movie to be lost in the darkness!

“Sid, you are not that tall yaar...now that we are out of the car!
“Shreds, you are wearing heels na baby.”
“Awww...but I thought you’d be towering over me...never had six feet of length so close!”
“Darling, there are so many lengths that you can feel close today!”
“Uff*with a make-believe face of annoyance* kabhi seedhe baat ke hain aapne? I thought you were a gentleman who would never cross the line.”
“I am yaar...pucca, I would never cross the line. I’d just pull you over to my side!”

He ordered for a cappuccino and she drank some hot chocolate, after they bought tickets for the worst and most boring movie running in that multiplex. Shradha spoke to Param who had called up to find out about her progress and Sid messaged to his wife Nivedita that he won’t come home for lunch as there was an official meeting!
Occupational hazards of those employed by extra marital clutches!



Shreds handed over a gift to Sid and saw him beam like a five year old who had just grabbed a favourite toy.
“Wow! Can I open it just now? I have this thing for gifts...I just can’t wait!”
“Can you wait for anything ever, babu? Please do and I hope you like it.”
“Baby, I could have waited forever for you to say ‘yes’, at least ab yeh bolne mein kya ja raha hain, right? Hey, I am ripping apart the wrapping sheet darling, though don’t get any wrong ideas, I am much gentler when it comes to doing the same with women!”

Shradha smiled, gently pinched him and showed her tongue, “Veeeeeeeeeery funnnnny na, Sid!”
“Wow...you got me a perfume...baby, but this is very expensive!”
“Oh shut up...just spray some n tell me if you like it.”
“Hmm....wow...musky n strong, just as I like it...the fringe benefits of having a super sexy, super rich girl friend. Hey, but I didn’t get anything for you!”
“Mmm*holding his wrist*...I love it now even more since I get to sniff it off your delicious skin! You call me daily n subah shaam na baba and we spend hours on phone for which you pay...so you give a gift to me every day!”
“Awwww....n please don’t lick that hot chocolate off your lower lip like that...It makes me kinda hot!”
“You are anyways hot babu...any hotter and I’d burn by your mere touch!”
“Wait till we get inside that movie hall and I’d show you how it really burns!”

Despite herself, she couldn’t help but smile and bite her lower lip and despite himself, he raised a finger to touch the outlines of her juicy looking, protruding lips. And there was silence. They just looked at each other and became oblivious to the surroundings till the waitress brought in the cheque to be paid!

And the spell was broken again!
It was time for the movie to begin...Shradha mischievously and deliberately licked off the hot chocolate, pouting teasingly and instantly got what she aimed at...his big grin that screamed of his desire.

The movie was a boring political saga....but for Shradha and Siddharth...it was sure going to be a mind blowing adventure!

(To be continued....)