Playing Stupid Cupid!

Ask me if I remember any mythological character and watch me with your stupefied expressions quoting ‘Cupid’!
Tell me then ‘Stupid...Cupid’s not mythological!’
Tell you back then ‘But why not? He does a better job of creating histories as well as futures!’

Point made, I guess!

I have always been fascinated by Cupid...a little fella with stout calf muscles, pretty ‘to the point of gay’ wings, curly girly hair, that famous bow and arrow and let me not even start about his bare top half, for that is irrelevant to the discussion! *I am trying to be holy and pure here and you are not helping me by giving me that look!*

I hope to God, that’s the description of Cupid actually because I have a mind-blasting tendency of getting mixed up with characters...like I keep forgetting the distinction between Newton, Einstein n Galileo! *Wtf, at the end of the day...Aren’t they all just scientists? Why do we humans create such barriers?*

Okay...back to Cupid! I was introduced to him in some Shakespearean play in Standard 8th *now that was him only, wasn’t he?*and when we learnt that he could make someone fall in love with anyone just by hitting him with his arrow...don’t even ask how that impressed the little, hormones-induced, just bloomed minds of us giggly girls!

You could hear so many hot sighs from our classroom that it was enough to cause a mini global warming of sorts!
Thankfully we realized soon that buying all those flimsy teer-kamaans from Ramayana fairs or wishful thinking do not lead to procurement of targets*seduction does!*

As for me...after longing for a while to get arrows pierced into the butts of cute victims that I had shortlisted...I gave up on my ardent prayers to Cupid dearie.
My new mantra became:
“Not everybody gets love in life...some have to settle for sex instead!”
*Just kidding...please don’t faint with a cultural shock...Breathe...breathe...ask someone to give you mouth to mouth respiration...I would have done it myself to save your life...but then even BSNL can’t make THIS distance shorter!*

So where was I? Yup, mush and its rush, once they enter your blood stream, they do not leave easily! I became a hopeless romantic for life and began seeing beating hearts in de-shaped tomatoes, love arrows in knitting needles, hugs in XOXO remarks of teachers on my maths answer sheets and self-convinced latent, “loUve” agendas in every innocent or even lust induced glare. This sprint of blood, pressing against the walls of my insides became so pleasurable that it eventually culminated into an urge to perpetuate it, which was only possible by becoming Cupid himself/herself!
My super dumb attitude at work all over again ‘If you can’t own one...be one!’

I was evolving and evolving how? By becoming the self proclaimed Love Guru and Agony Sister*I was just 14 then...call me aunt at that stage and watch me take you to court! By the way call me aunt at any bloody stage and watch me court ;-)*

So, I was spending half my energies*please don’t ask me what I did with the other half...a teenager has a life after all* in advising love struck buffoons on what to do and what not to do and tell me how they do it so anyone else who wants to do it, knows what to do and do it well!
Yup, that simple!

And that tendency has kinda stuck on!
Whenever I see someone desirable, adorable, delicious...my first urge is..............never mind what my first urge is!
My second urge is to get him hooked: “Mera bhala nahi ho raha to kisse ka to ho!” And thus my magnanimous and big heart sacrifices self interest to do good for humanity!
Phew! And that too without any bloody Nobel Prize recognition for my noble intentions and articulations!
I know...I know what you are thinking....Ah! She’s Mother Teresa of Kalyug!*ya, right, almost...and I so feel the pressure sometimes!*

I begin to push and shove!
Hey Bhagwan!
I mean almost instinctively, I begin to motivate all singles to mingle!
Tempt them, lure them and beckon them to the ‘Garden of Eden’!
*sadist could be...Why should just ‘the half of the committed population of the world’ suffer alone?*

No, seriously!
Why do I do that?
And sometimes I even and almost rotate the lust rear view mirror into a love front view one! *Do I need to mention every time ‘no puns intended’? By now, you guys have become smart enough!*

I make people believe in love that makes Cinderella dance without her slippers or Sleeping Beauty get herself kissed into consciousness of a dream world within the realms of reality!*hey, why aren’t there any fairy tales with guys as central characters...I’m racking my puny brains but can’t seem to remember any dude in distress relieved in a fairy tale-ish way! Damn you male macho-ism!*

I love seeing people in love...young blooming romance...makes you so wanna trade places with them!
Makes you believe that someday a knight in shining armour (like a dear blogger friend likes to say for modernity’s sake- a knight in faded denims) would come and make you see stars even in broad daylight!
*Otherwise all the stars that we see now are those that are drawn over caricatures in cartoon strips, when one has bumped into a pacing truck!*

I love the idea of being in love!
I seem to feel that it makes people happier and hence snappier!
It provides a sense of belonging and a sense of possession!
Being in love makes you dream and smile...both states that look good on just about any individual!



So I spread the good word!
1. Notice it harder if someone gets a glint in her eyes upon watching you!
No she is not Lady Dracula...that’s love interest shining silly! Don’t laugh off any attention that you are getting! Women are better at secrecy initially in a relationship than James Bond! It’s always better to find out than keep guessing!

2. Initiate conversation! Its bloody first come first served basis everywhere! So if you don’t decide to come fast here...you’d be coming alone for a long, long time!

3. Compliment generously! Nothing makes her smile more than knowing what her smile does to you! Keep telling her between suitable breaks how awesome she is! Trust me no woman has died due to overdose of being praised, but even the mightiest have almost always fallen to sophisticated wooing!

4. Speak, look, act to impress! Look neat, talk smooth, have words/phrases she dotes on, show that you need love*we love to protect even more than the NYPD*Look in her eyes, open your heart to her*not the shirt baba*, laugh wholeheartedly, listen and tell!

5. Act chivalrous, decent and sometimes pun-ny! We love you for treating us like a lady, we love to have doors opened, chairs pulled for us to be seated and men footing the bill. We love men who make us laugh! We like a guy who admires a beautiful woman pass by and not one who has his tongue licking his shoes because it’s popping so deep!

6. Tell that special someone how you feel...even if there’s a rejection...the friendship continues after you can laugh it off casually! You spend hours together then or courting someone else instead of hours wasted in just thinking about possibilities!

What the heck!
Everyone must fall for that once-in-a-lifetime kinda love at least 4-5 times!

I've been Tagged*Nope, I am not on Sale!*

Phew! I never understood the tagging business...though I do realize that it is supposed to be something pious and followed very religiously or else you’d be burning in hell*that’s how you people make it sound*.
So here I have been tagged thrice and gradually would try to rise to the occasion despite my pitfalls!

Kindly bare/bear...whatever!

This tag is from Sakshi and The Bald Guy *double conspiracy*.Thanks people for feeling I could do a good job at this...if by ‘good job’ you thought I’d be more guilty than you...you are damn right...guilty as charged!

Your Rules:
RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent*...aa...err...mm...WTF!*
RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!*hint, hint...message, message and ask, ask!*
RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag up friends to answer this*people please tag yourselves, I find this kinda difficult...yes, even for someone like me!*

My rules:
I am sorry, take me to court but answering in monosyllables is just NOT humanly possible in my case...I am just not made that way. I shall explode for lack of eruptions of words vying within to get out...but I promise I would try to be as much in brief (briefs nahi brief) as possible. Anyways mentioning thought bubbles in asterix do not qualify as “saying”...they are just reactions n not explanations...and the rest is your destiny my friend!

• Asked someone to marry you? Guilty*Sigh! Sigh!*
• Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty*OMG, OMG!*
• Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent*always think of the poor table n give up*
• Ever told a lie? Guilty*remember what Krishan ji said in Geeta or was it in Mahabharat?*
• Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty*hmm...all the bloody time. Why can’t I “have” all that I want...or at least some of the ALL!*
• Kissed a picture? Guilty*sometimes even my own during those bouts of ‘nobody loves me’*
• Slept in until 5 PM? Innocent*how can one miss out the action for so long?*
• Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty*ask my students ;-)*
• Acting like Cupid? Guilty*if I can’t have them...well at least let someone else have fun!*
• Been suspended from school? Innocent
• Flirted openly? Guilty*now if not ‘openly’ then ‘behind closed doors’ would account for something else only, won’t it? ;-)*



• Stolen from a store? Guilty*okay sue me now!*
• Been fired from a job? Innocent*I fire things I don’t get fired...fried sometimes though I do get due to my big mouth!*
• Done something you regret? Guilty
• Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty*actually it was the nose only...but to save my face...aaa...you know what I mean!*
• Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent*unless aapke gaon mein “usse” snowflakes kehte hain ;-)*
• Kissed in the rain? Innocent :-(
• Made out in a public place? Innocent :-( :-(
• Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Innocent/Guilty*go figure that out Einstein*
• Sang in the shower? Guilty*my shower like Megh Devta erupts only after I scream...err...sing...maybe to shut my mouth with water*
• Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Guilty/Innocent


• Had a weird haircut? Guilty*that says “had” by the way...no relation to present tense*
• Had a crush on more than one person at a time? Guilty*ek se mera kya hoga?*
• Initiated friendship with a stranger? Guilty*wise-ass...every friend is a stranger at some point!*
• Been an Agony aunt? Guilty*bloody all the time...if I charged for this...I could buy Bill Gates off*
• Fallen flat on your face before a crowd? Guilty*oho...what a moment...err...fall that was!*
• Donated Blood? Guilty
• Teased or whistled at a guy? Guilty ;-)
• Burnt food while cooking? Guilty*ho ho...and you don’t wanna know what I did with the burnt food!*
• Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty
• Wished you had magical powers? Guilty*evil grin*




• Have/had a tattoo? Innocent*so wanna be guilty :-(*
• Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty
• Been too honest? Guilty*hmm...Raja Harishchandra would have been proud of me for carrying his legacy to the point of dumbness*
• Thrown in a surprise party? Guilty*but why do I always ‘throw’...when would I be thrown for? :-(*
• Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? Innocent*is there scope for MORE bloating? :-(*
• Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty
• Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)?Guilty
• Joined a pageant? Guilty*and I even won...yiyee...yiyee*
• Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty*blush, blush!*
• Had dreams about film stars getting cosy with you? Guilty*oh why did I wake up! @#$%*
• Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent*unless you count in 5-6 bottles of water in this*
• Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty

An Ode to Ten Years of U n Me!

I was asked if I could sustain without wealth...
I said I could and I would if I had enough love to nourish my soul’s health!
I was asked what I cherished the most- riches, fame or experiences of joy...
I said it were the times when you held me, when all I wanted to do was cry!
I was asked if I would change any moment of us being together...
I said yes I would...those moments when we were together but not side by side and change them to forever!

Ten years of a marital union...
And when I look back the journey is overwhelming!
We began as strangers...
Hesitant, faltering and dubious!
You can call it an arranged love...but then can love be arranged?
Yes, it can...it’s the larger set up of someone up above who is a romantic fool at heart!
He likes the idea of binding two unknown souls with a cord of matrimony and watches them tumble and up rise each day of their journey of self discovery and evolution!

I look back and try to find the reasons why you love me....

Is it because you always find your cupboards neatly done...all in layered piles stacked one above the other in a synchrony of a perfect balance or because you’ve never packed your luggage?
Yes, it must be because I strive each day to keep them in line and pack your stuff in my way, so you don’t miss me when I am not there!



Is it because never in ten years had you to see the doctor’s prescription, for all the medicines came arranged to you whenever and whatever you needed? Never bought groceries!
Yes, it must be, for I try to save you the effort of using your brain anywhere else but in knowing me!
*You know you don’t even know what vest size you wear or how often your toothbrush is changed on its own when it outlives its life or that your powder gets refilled before you have to ask!*

Is it because for years I would lay out your clothes on the bed before you emerged out of the washroom...from the handkerchief to your vest...from spotless clean shoes to your belt...all waiting to get on to your body like me?
Yes, it was for you slowly realized you could never choose what to wear to office or buy at a store, if I were not there to pick it out for you!

Is it because every moment that you spend at home, I have tried to be in front of your eyes...stay within arm’s distance in case you would need anything...and never let your eyes wander too far?
Yes, for sure, for I gave royalty a new meaning and you realized you were the king of good times!

Is it because I never cribbed or moaned when you woke me up at 4 a.m.*yes at night* because you were hungry and the Chinese food that you had shown to savour only to please me, digested sooner than you expected?
Yes, I think so, by the way you gobble down my namak-ajjwain ke parathas one after another at a go, which is proof enough!



Is it because men give you the look*damn you are a lucky dude*?
I can say so as when last week someone told me instead and in front of you that “I” was lucky to have you I watched with pure pleasure how you gloated with unmatched joy that someone said that to me instead of you, yet showered your pride at having me!

Is it because I am soft yet tough*please let me go on...I rarely go on a self praise trip...okay don’t make that face....going there after a loooooooong time*, I am sensible and yet a child...I praise yet criticize, I give you space and yet pry?
Must be because it is ten years and you still smile by just looking at me!

And now you make your typical baby face, grimacing at the idea that there it goes ALL about ME again!
Hang in there baby...I am coming to you only!

WHY DO I LOVE YOU? I INTROSPECT AT THAT TOO!

Is it because you kept giving me undying love in the initial years of togetherness, when I acted as a stuck up dumb head thinking arranged marriage was for our “mothers”?
Yes, I think so because when and how I fell in love with you became such a pleasant surprise which I received in bits and parts everyday!
You grew on me like the ivy clings!
You merged into me like sugar in water to make life taste so sweet!



Is it because you are so humble and noble and belong to the clan of humans who come with a tag “Send me for the noble prize and watch me win hands down”?
For sure, because the more I see you in everyday, the more I feel the awe that how can one person be so selfless? How can one man always think of others before himself? How can you forget about “you” to make me enjoy “me”?

Is it because I see you always cheerful and smiling and never ever have you raised your voice on me no matter how much I provoked you...which I did?
Yes, it is because you make me realize that smiles can be better than a 500 bucks massage and battles are won not with thunder but with just a hug! You make me feel that good was never so better and bad is not so worse!

Is it because you call me instantly from work if you leave seeing a little frown line on my forehead?
Because you never forget to get me chocolates on Karva Chauth to break my fast?
Because you hug me every day before going to work and I get a little kiss every time you return?
Because you feel my arm with your palm often forgetting where we are despite all your objections to public display of affection?

Because you would do just about ANYTHING to make me happy?
Because you love my family more than maybe I love them?
Because you keep ranting to everyone about what an amazing teacher or blogger I am despite having no first-hand experience of either with me?



Because you keep looking out for me even in a crowd of people at a party just to make sure I am having fun or not and if I am not, you come by my side and stay there?
Because you still call me “baby” although my size would put the entire children-dom to shame!
Because you make me thank my lucky stars*every time and ever so often that we make love* for you still being so super excited about me!
For giving me half of the chappatti off your plate even after knowing the next one would come to the table in another minute!
For always saying that I could have found someone better than you but telling me no one could love me better than you!

I love you...and always will...and these ten years just whooshed past because you loved me every single day...so today always feels like the day after tomorrow...and time flows by!

The Awesome Twosome!

It was an interesting night out with friends yesterday and a moment of revelation for me, which often happens when I am forced to sit in the women’s ONLY section (@#$%) and I survive it! All of my grown up life, I have lived with the belief that men are the most obsessed lots with boobs don’t raise a questioning eye brow now-of course women’s boobs and not their own, unless they have them too-ewww. But hellooooooooooo, wake up time! I was proved wrong yesterday! If there is anyone most obsessed with women’s breast on this planet-It’s the women themselves. Stop gloating “man”kind! You are only getting a peek here, a peek into the discussion that is, so no need there to rub-those eyes so much.

We now had a gang of women discussing the usual ‘blah, blah’ when the hostess suddenly asked...

Woman 1: Ladies, am I looking too flat in this T-shirt? (taking all the searching pairs of watchful eyes to her top half or the lack of it rather!)

Me: Oh not at all yaar, with a waist like yours (I sometimes think if I put my palms together in a circle, with my finger tips touching each other, her so-called waist just might fit into it. I get such an anxiety fit at the possibility of the idea coming true that I never end up trying to find out) and those long sexy legs, who cares what’s on top?

W2:  Hehe, yup and men don’t really care what’s on top, as long as it’s a woman up there! (followed by a wink)

W3(she’s the ‘big’ woman, who is now getting a chance to flaunt at least something big about her positively and feel proud): Oh no, no! Men do care gurls! I mean for all your great size zero fetish, doesn’t your guy really complain sometime? (raising her fingers expertly and seductively down her line-cleavage line dim heads or would that be the cleavage circle...er...whatever!) Mine would be so lost without them! Ouch!

W1(very seriously looking down at her little cleavage now): But I’m not THAT flat I hope? Suruchi, you touch me and tell? And before I can vouch for my lack of qualifications or express my opinion to govern where my “handy” movements should or should not be extended to without permission, my palm has been manually grasped and put on her breast!

Me: Hmm...aaaa...mmmm no, I am not moaning with pleasure...I am thinking of a suitable retort to please all those watchful eyes of female predators-to please them all with one answer. Yup, I was trying to go where no man had gone before!

My mental maths:

Should I say they are good?-But that would mean I have an under nourished choice!

Should I say they are good enough?-But that would mean I have a liking for them!

Should I say they could have been bigger?-But that would mean that I am trying to flaunt my own!

Should I say ‘who am I to tell’?-But that would mean I’d rather do other things with them than tell about it!

Should I say....?-@#$%^@#$$ Ugh-Time up!

Time to say now and get my hands off them!

Me: Err...not at all! What size are you by the way?

W1 (chin up n facial expressions tightened, the kind that you’d probably see on Shaheed Bhagat Singh’s face in movies when he’d say ‘I am an Indian’): I am a 33.

And she smiles expectantly for me to say if I approve of a 33 or not. Bloody hell, I never even knew there was a 33. I thought there was a Clearasil n then 32 and then 34 and then 36 and then 38 and then unnecessary-excessive-madness and fake beyond that. And who the f@#$ am I to say if 33 is bloody good enough or not? It’s not as if I am seeking some pleasures from it or that I have a degree in BVR-Breast Validity Recognition!

W5 (in an expression of half disbelief and half offended and full don’t-you-dare-mess-with-me): Oh come on, that’s not true! If you are 33 then how on earth can I be 34, with mine way lot bigger than yours? (eyes glowering with challenge now) Suruchi, now you feel mine too and prove it!

OH MY BLOODY GOODNESS!!!!!

Where the bloody hell is my lawyer? I have some rights and now I intend to sue some people here for woman/man handling me. For heaven’s sake-my preferences and public display/perception of it is at stake here! But poor me, I end up getting stuck in situations where I least expect, yes, like in between women’s breasts! Here I was, sitting between two hot looking women-my hands outstretched like a scarecrow’s-each cupping one out of two pairs of womanly breast and I don’t know where to look and how much to grasp and please don’t even begin to ask how I was feeling as in emotions and not feeling-feeling! Phew!

As though by divine intervention to screw my case further, these women realized perhaps I am ‘holding’ them too lightly and this might lead to a miscalculation of a final inference. So they made me press well and tight! There is no bloody respect of a public place in the youth today! Tch, tch, this coming from me who has always advocated PDA-public display of affection! Little did I know that both genders might get involved in the term ‘public’!

And there I also spotted my beloved sitting at the other end of the hall, almost tilting dangerously his chair backwards to look through the crowds at what I was up to with an expression of...

Not “What the f@#$!”

Not “Someone help my wife!”

Not “Khabardaar jo kisse ne mere biwi ko haath lagaya...err...se haath lagwaaya!”

But “Do u need help in there honey? It looks like you have quite a ‘handful’ to do just by yourself?”

Me (in my thought bubble in return): @#$%$#@@&!

Me: Girls, girls, how does it matter? At the end of the day, for these men, it is not important how much you juggle, but more vital how THEY make you wriggle! (Looking at others for a thunderous applause at my philosophical insight. But as it seems, I was stuck in the in‘sides’ still and the dumb women just watched me gaping, with their mouths of course!

And so slowly, inconspicuously, I got my hands down. Thanked the father up in heaven!

Oye, down bole to, down to my own sides!

W4 (now with her arms in an akimbo and her upper half jutting out threateningly at me): Since you are testing everyone else, you must feel me too and tell. My husband would hate it of he knew I were left out!

Holy freaking shit! I need to wash my hands with Dettol today or perhaps Ariel multi wash would do. I had to get the scent of these women off me! If you had to put me through the test my Lord, why couldn’t I be doing the men? Err...I mean I could tell by touching who had the better muscles...on their arms or softest hair...on their heads! (What gross things you people just thought here a line before, na? Ram, Ram, Ram...ghoor kalyug!)

Hmmm, I always dreamt that people would queue up before me someday-little did I know it would be for a Breast Awareness Camp that I didn’t even set up in the first place! By now a little crowd had gathered around our table for word had got out. (Ji nahi...hamaare gaon mein “usse” word nahi kehte!)

I got many men to shower curious glances at me, smirk with all their charm in the mighty hopes that I might leak some of my new found depth of the ultimate truth. Some even shook hands with me again, even though they had tested the softness of my palms upon arrival. I had to remind them that I am not a touch phone and this is not a touch-pass-vibration therapy!

And then the men in their truest dumb fashion began to boast and fling uncalled-for proposals as volunteers that thankfully ended my whole role as the tester. I feel the world can get to the cure of AIDS, discover new planets and achieve all the rest of scientific blah, blah that they are struggling to reach at, if only the men would just stop proposing, presenting and selling themselves at every bloody occasion!

Man 1: To judge this you must call someone from the opposite gender to get the whole idea? Hey, your bloody good luck today coz I am available!

M2: Is there a confusion? Ask me, I am an expert in these things? I can even tell you how you can upgrade!

M3: You girls, don’t listen to these perverts. All they wanna do is touch you. Let me come to the rescue. You all just stand in line here and I would just watch intently and tell. Problem solved!

All the W’s finally in unity (in our thought bubbles): @##$$#@@%^&!

Needless to say you can fathom what happened after this!

The group dispersed. Some went to their husbands/ secret admirers to confirm, some went in a corner and tightened the hooks of their push up bras, some others bitched about some others’ assets and few were seen walking about with their front out in the rest of the party!

And what about “Me” you wonder? Well, I just had too much of a “touchy” experience to be able to say more here!

Love Path Deviations!

About a month back I had written a fiction three part “love story” about a couple hopelessly in love, but out of their wed-locks. It was supposed to be another take on a different and relatively less explored facet of love...the so called “extra-marital”, technically not allowed to be termed as love at all by social norms and the moral police, but then love nevertheless!
Out there I received some lambasting and some accolades for my interpretation-a few eyebrows raised in disdain or suspicion and a handful even hinted at a near heart attack!*wonder what would happen to those weaklings after this!*

But what struck me as obvious was a certain amount of public distaste for such a possible concoction!
I even received a comment saying that no love was evident there but just pure lust and infidelity!

Phew!
INFIDELITY!
A new age offering you’d say that we would have to get used to of seeing around, not so far away as on on-screen but in our very vicinity and sometimes even dealing with in-your-face threats of the same in our own little worlds!

But with the opening up of the globe, notions and minds, perhaps we need to open up also to the fact that “everlasting love” may also be edging towards the obsolete territory. We have to wake up to the idea that deviations in love may occur and hence gear up our defence mechanism and quaint little hearts for the same instead of pretending to exist in the land of oblivion. Ignorance is not always bliss. An ‘open view’ is a phenomenon that we need to understand first before scrunching our hoity noses or jumping onto the band wagon of self derived conclusions.

I hate mindless boxing and indexing of human beings...I hate branding of character without enough back up proof...I hate pre-conceived notions and judgements...and hence this!

1. Monogamy is great...but then it is a concept whose brunt has been largely borne by the weaker sex alone. Till she was largely monogamous, the world was said to be relatively moral no matter how much the male counterpart indulged even then! Those moral dos and don’ts were heralded by an era where women and men were more segregated and the former being confined within the four walls*for our ancient history is richer n bolder...somewhere down the line we developed the pseudo attitude*. No exposure means no realization of what she was missing and hence no strife to attempt to attain it!

2. Man on the other hand has been a wanderer from the initiation of history. He is the bread earner who must go out to seek it and in doing so, he many-a-times comes across that which he receives often without having sought! So if he strayed, he managed to cover his tracks...wear the garbs of a devoted husband...also enjoyed the strings of unabashed, on the side, wild love...and everyone lived happily ever after!

3. I am not defending or shredding either genders here...for the roles of the victim and the accused are easily interchangeable now, based on the universally accepted hypothesis that there is bound to be sufferings anyways!
There was recently a soppy serial on television that dealt with a couple in the dusk of their lives. She retires from her bank job with public declarations reeking of love and gratitude expressed to the “perfect” husband who had stood by her through the thick and thin of life. However just days later, she discovers he has another wife and a daughter in another town and suddenly the marriage she clung to, becomes a sham!
She feels all those years of matrimony which were hitherto bliss, were suddenly meaningless and make her feel dirty!
Oh come on now...I know this would be a natural reaction of most women, but then how can you possibly erase and ignore all good memories just because one blot has marked that sheet of your relationship?

You may be expected to be angry but why vindictive?
You ought to analyze his needs instead of raising fingers at his intensions or your worth! Reflect that a thing like this just happened or did he go out of his way to make it happen! Think woman, before going into the whole melodrama stance that sucks out the very life breathe of the relation, drench it in tears and gobbles up the smiles!

4. Most people would empathize with an infidel partner if the spouse is indifferent, abusive or family conditions incline towards being non-cordial. But there would be absolutely no dint of pity or attempt for understanding the reasons behind a cheating man/woman who walks out of line of a seemingly perfect union of two individuals. I remember watching the movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna...the Karan Johar-Shahrukh Khan flick, that bombed at the box office for it dealt with spouses who felt suffocated in marriages chosen by them out of love or motivated by security. I remember the flak of women in my gym for Rani Mukherjee for cheating upon the “perfect” husband played by Abhishek Bachchan. “What more could she ask for?” they reverberated in aghast horror!
It is still very difficult for us to understand the existence of an emotional void! There may be a loving husband, enough money, freedom, lifestyle...yet something may STILL be missing...a connect that the soul inconspicuously seeks!



5. Why does fulfilment of voids-emotional or otherwise tantamount to being selfish? We do have just one life to live and if we please ourselves, only then we remain pleasant for the outward show to the society.
I am not advocating wanton conduct, mind you! But I do believe in self help when in dire straits! It is okay to seek for happiness that we deserve, without crumpling someone’s feelings or sentiments!

We are taught to think bigger, aim higher, crave for the best...but then also in very tiny fonts below are given the limitations as to what such dictums apply on! They become evident and preached only after you falter!

We as a generation are an unsatisfied lot! We no longer depend on trains...we want to reach faster by planes, typewriters have been replaced by computers... we want high speed internet, multi tasking quicker gadgets, speedy home deliveries, reservations at the click of a button...

But if we want to attempt to elevate our mental disposition, remove the discontent in our emotional baggage, there are more ‘stop’ buttons than ‘enter’. There are just ‘backspaces’ and forced ‘deletes’ or ‘escapes’!
So while you deserve the best facial cream or are ‘worthy’ of the extravagant hair colour or motivated to imbibe the latest trend to project your outward prosperity, you are discouraged to do the same for your insides!
So much for our hypocritical thinking!



5. Who made the rules of our righteousness in our society?
Who can say for sure that ‘this’ is acceptable and ‘that’ is not?
Weren’t the rules made to facilitate discipline and not dictatorship?
Let’s say in the beginning of time when there was little understanding of things...man may have discovered sex!
He felt he liked it and wanted to try it more. Once explored with a certain partner, he may have been haunted by the query if it was the same with every other individual and he went on to experiment! He sauntered into new, pleasurable horizons with each, different experience.

But some in the species were lazy and easily intimidated! They could muster the effort for just one catch and having attained it, concentrated just on that exploration! Soon their number outgrew to those who dared and as such came about the set standard as guidelines for everyone! Monogamy became a fad and soon came in fashion and stayed there for so long that any other options beyond it became inconceivable!

So does the rest of the race pay the price for standards set by such lazy bones? Hmm...the argument doesn’t make sense, I know! Has no factual back up to support it either...but interesting and quite probable line of thought, if you ask me!

So like a thousand things that we follow blindly...we continue to follow relationship notions also- elders can’t be wrong, good mothers must sacrifice for their children and married people do not experiment outside for physical pleasures no matter how bad the inside story is! Period!

6. The extent of what you would term as cheating is itself debatable!
Flirting in the office, eyeing someone, going to a strip club, getting massages, kissing, dirty dancing, a friendly grab of the butt, cyber sex, one night stands, intimate friendships, phone pals, dating, lying about being single, fantasizing during the act, living in, wife swapping, etc...
You would say it depends from person to person...
Then why not let the persons involved in it decide for themselves?
Who would set boundaries and guidelines here?
You can’t attempt to form a preamble and let the public draw its own constitution...and before forming one, you must question yourself if you are worthy of doing so...if you are as impeccable as you would want the world to see!
You can’t say it is okay for Tiger Woods to do so because he is in a temptation prone zone and not okay for the common man...
You can’t say it is okay for a man to do any/all of the above but not seemingly for a woman!
So much that we must introspect deeply before brandishing someone’s character!
You have to shed some double standards!



7. “If a man strays, he may have got tempted...if a woman strays, she may not have morals?” Being a Casanova is cool...but being indulgent for a girl is slutty!
We encourage our boys to have girlfriends but we warn our girls about boys wanting just one thing and hence not wanting boys at all!

Why is a woman’s dignity considered more at risk and hence supervised more ferociously than that of a man’s?
How does having been in a relationship before, raise a question on our integrity concerning every other aspect of our lives?
Why is a man easily forgiven...or relatively easily forgiven for digressing but not a woman?
It is generally true that once a flirt, always a flirt....once strayed, chances of doing so again remain comparatively higher...but then don’t bar the accused of basic rights and leading a guiltless life!

Despite all the progress gender discrimination still looms over our lives. A boy taking naughty is attractive and a girl talking naughty is easy! When will we manage to shatter the stereotypes? When would we be able to give our children the joy of feeling like conscientious adults... “Do what you want to but don’t make us ashamed and be ready to accept its responsibility.”

8. We need to stop the alert radars from rising high upon seeing a man and a woman together just having fun. Our growing voyeurism is a matter of serious concern!
So many men go to Bangkok very often. They have no qualms about having had “fun” there on flimsy pretexts like it was not in their own country, it was just once or because they paid for it; Stress levels and long intervals from home sometimes induce a slight deviation. But these men act all moral-full and become super irritating when they cook up a gossip story about another married man who was only just sighted in a car with a woman! The masala gets added spontaneously and soon the whole town is talking about a flamboyant, flaming love affair!


9. Physical betrayal Vs emotional attachment...
Ask most men if they are likely to forgive their partner for physical or emotional betrayal...and they would choose to ignore the emotional crap as long as the woman’s body is prestine!
With women it works in the opposite way...they don’t mind physical indulgence for their man, but to think that some other woman over powers his mind is unthinkable!
Now which is worse and which is not...if it is not, is it acceptable?

In this argument I would also like to raise more issues...but from here on, I only have questions. I have no answers for them...perhaps you might help me here:

Is it wrong for a man and a woman to get into friendship outside their wedded loop...just friends or even otherwise, if they remain committed to their duties and relations?

Why is the world likely to blame higher education or a vocation for motivating a woman to stray? Should we refrain our daughters from studying too much?

Most articles I read on infidelity teach you what to do with the situation after the damage is done...
What about reasons...acceptance...motivations...empathy?
Why deviations are considered the end of a relationship and not a new opportunity to rethink things over for a better evolution?

I personally detest a man who would hop from one woman to another for satisfaction of physical urges! I absolutely abhor men who do not respect women and women who act trashy!
So have I made any sense above, without sounding as an advocate to extra marital flings?
Or in my bid to strike a balance between loyalty and self expression, I have screwed up this article?

After having read through the pointers I am sure you are pondering with conclusions...less so about the write up and more so about the author:
1. She is having an extra-marital affair for sure!
2. She leads too cushioned a mush life to realize the implication of the claims she is making and of such a betrayal...We’d ask, when it would come to her!
3. What the f@#$%! Did I just read all this long crap?

The "Adventures" of a Lazy Boy...zzzz...!

I am a little lazy boy,
‘Little’- I’ll explain why...
My body all grew up but mind refused to buy
The fact...
That there are things like sunrise and sunset
You don’t get food put into your mouth, even if you fret!

There’s a compulsion to stay smart
There’s an expectation to ‘not fart’...
You need to change socks on an everyday basis...
You ought to whoosh the mosquito that chases!
There’s a time to act demure
It’s the juncture to project mature.
But I blow off such crappy thoughts...
For they bore me to the core!

I lift myself from the bed each day...
In a slow motioned trance!
For someone warned me about bed sores...
And hence I don’t take a chance!
I have worked on making my system, slow from countless ages...
So much hard work in there, almost like of renowned sages!

I am careful not to let the grime settle on my tower...
I sneeze to ruffle it off, almost every hour!
And my shaggy bearing is getting the masses hooked...
Oh come on...It’s the latest in Baba Ramdev look!

I don’t shave for I believe in returning to nature
And not give complexes to those of higher stature!
I don’t believe in hairstyles or get my nails cut...
It makes me feel at home, when I am living in a rut!

Dragging my body weight to land on the table...
Is that not a task enough?
Ask me...so tough, so rough!
I eat less for good health and you term me crazy
I advocate keeping the body rested and the mind hazy!

I lift my eye one at a time, to save energy for emergency
And sometimes both just to show I have some consistency!
I try to press my lips together...and no, I am not getting horny,
It’s to save me from drawing a yawn...please don’t brand me corny!

I collapse like a bean bag through the day...
The maid considers me invisible in her sway!
But when the dusting cloth reaches dangerously close
I moan in protest,
But when she gives me a glowering look...
I forget to mind the rest!



‘Behave like a human’ is the topic of the sermons
Which I get often from other living beings!
I feel too tired to argue, so raise an eyebrow
Accepting the aftermath of my doings!
I don’t understand though why
Humans do bathe...do go out in the sun,
Why humans do work and follow the time
I believe it’s nipping the genius in the prime!

So what if I don’t bathe...I believe in saving water...
So what if I don’t socialize...I am saving from lust your daughter!
So what if my clothes stink, at least they are being used,
So what if my brain works less, at least it is not fused!
So what if I do no sport...Does that mean I am not sporty?
So what if I have no achievements, at least I am not haughty!

Someday I would have a girlfriend...for I believe in copy and paste,
The same love letter that I send to all...is never written in haste!
I spend hours over them, catching a nap before every word,
Someday my slow and steady ways would win me a hot bird!
You may throw a pass at me, but don’t expect me to catch!
Bloom I would, but don’t count my eggs before they’re hatched!

My laziness is progressing as the years are passing by,
Someday I think I’d sleep the week away...just for a try!
Now if you are expecting more or a proper end...
Try another blog at another bend!
My eyes are again pressing shut
The bed is again calling for my butt!

So don’t work too much guys
Believe in destiny,
It would anyways happen if it’s written...
Go to sleep when holy crap motivation smittens!
Oho you are still around, trying to rock my sack?
Hey now that you are here and to stay...
Start by scratching my back!
And when you are done with it my friend
Would you also remove that burger?
It’s lying on my key pad from ten days
And preventing me from typing further!

Love is Blind!

From two weeks I have been witnessing a couple who come for an evening walk in the college campus that I go to. They would have not evoked from me a mention here, had they not presented an exceptional sight.

The man somewhere in his late thirties, average height and glasses, is wheatish, with a regular face and the woman beside him is petite and pretty may be a few years younger. They are well dressed, their carriage boasting of a good upbringing and confidence of a good education.
And this is not what was uncommonly striking about them!

The couple walks at a very brisk pace, holding each others' hands.
Yes, for almost one hour that they take rounds of the campus and often cross my path, I find their palms clasped and intact there. Initially I thought it was very romantic to be doing so.
But gradually it became a bit unnerving!

We are generally not so unhappy about something lacking in our lives till we find it blooming in someone else’s. It’s been my unfulfilled desire since time immemorial to go for long walks with someone I loved. So the reactions began with “Awwww” but soon transformed to “Oh god, again today!” I was realizing why PDA-public display of affection, is intimidating for some!
But the love struck couple would not bother about me, or anyone else, as though their eyes were fixed only on to their destination!

Anyways, so every day without fail, I watch them sojourn the paths and take a glance at their countenances, making an effort not to stare, yet wondering at the motives behind the clasp. It’s not like one partner would run away...or maybe the guy’s too possessive...his wife was exquisite in her own right, after all! Maybe they’ve just been married, though it did not seem that way and even if they are...holding each other by the hand for an hour in a park doing a brisk walk does not justify that, does it?

Now to get to the arrestingly remarkable part...nope, I am not done with it yet!

Yesterday evening, I saw them again. As usual, doing their thing caring a f@#$ about what the world thought!
And then the lady stumbled...
Just a few pebbles on the way but enough to get the grasp undone!
And within seconds I saw the mystery unfold...

The man had gone a few steps ahead and rushed back immediately for he saw her groping!
Her fingers searching to hold on to his!
The pretty lady’s focus of her eyes had shifted.
She is blind!
How much, why, how...I have no clue...but enough to make her man hold on to her hand to lead her on her way...the physical challenge not becoming a handicap in leading a normal life!

The crisis was soon handled...a couple of reassuring words and a pat from him, a smile from her, the clasp back again and the footsteps quickened to rhythm, as they soon went past me, leaving me with a spasm in my heart!

True, unconditional and sacrificing love so rare...whenever you come across it, it rarely leaves you unaffected!

What an effort it must have been for the lady to muster courage to walk without a stick or dark glasses to face a public domain, despite all hang-ups that may deter them!
What a support it must have been from the man in love with her, to be willing and motivating her to do so despite only him being conscious of the stares they were inducing!
What a stupid mindset we have to judge people and motives of others, by appearances, without an inkling of what’s going on in their lives!
What foolish claims we make of love that we offer and indifferently handle the love given to us, when in such tests of time, we might simply fail!

Well, it is said ‘Love is blind and lovers cannot see’...well in this case...literally!

On my Death Bed....

Okay...today I imagine me on my death bed...
I have just turned 50 and on the night of the grand half century celebrations, I fainted*mind you not swooned for I am sure even at 50, I would still be waiting for a Mills & Boons kinda guy to walk into my whatever-is-remaining life and sweep me off my feet...sigh! Hey bhagwan...aakhri ichcha he samajh ke poore kar dena!*

Near and dear or rather the envious ones thought it could be of an overdose of Vodka...they would gloat that I’ve finally succumbed to the urges of excesses*you know how I love to piss them off...the envious streak blokes that is...I wear my green colour t-shirt during my association with them, that says “I turn green in the company of morons.” But of course they laugh it off...though I wish they’d get enough pissed to fill up buckets of it, that I could empty on their heads*

Anyways, one Vodka is generally enough to get me tipsy...
They must have made me drink five...one for each decade and there I collapsed unable to see the morning glory of a hangover in the cosy confines of the bedroom I have lived in for 28 years since my shaadi*yes I am assuming we’d still be in the same house for my beloved is a mamma’s boy and by that time he would have converted me into HIS mamma’s girl too...Whoooooooooa...now that I am anyways dying...hey you up there...could I die before THAAAAT? Phuleeeeeeeeeeeze...consider that as my second last ‘aakhri ichcha’ ...ab at least gimme a list of last wishes...I am dying ain’t I? That should be reason enough to let me deserve it!*

So I wake up in the morning sometime and look at the bleak white walls of the hospital and finally get to ask the dialogue I have always desperately wanted to ask:
“Mein kahan hoon?” *thank god I did not die without asking this or else aatma-ke-shaanti crap kaise hota and I would have to return back as a bhatakti spirit asking mortals ‘mein kahan hoon’ and hear in reply from them... “Exactly, we can’t see you either...kahan se kaun bol raha hain”...and the bugging hide and seek that would follow, would make me wish I were dead...or rather dead again...or...whatever!*



Anyways, drowsy and with no clue of last night...I look around at the little crowd that has gathered outside that room...
Sometimes dense that I am*please note the usage of “sometimes” which comes very less times actually*, I assume we are in a five star hotel room*dear beloved...at least at fifty and on my death bed, please take me to one of those ‘burn-your-pockets-here’ hospitals ...itna paisa bacha ke bhi kya fayda...upar to mere se he milna padega na!*

So my dearly beloved holds my hand and gazes at me with the look that was perpetually on veteran actor A.K. Hangal’s face...
And I assume the worst...
Maybe the maid has left us...
Maybe I had a car accident on the way and they’ve cut my legs...
Maybe last night’s party went over budget and now they’ve kept us in the hotel suite so that upon getting up we could do the dishes...
Maybe I have lost my memory and he’s telling me as always “for once, look the part well that has been assigned to you...”

And he breaks into a sob...
I offer the towel kept by my side and he does a good blowing job of it*some habits die hard...old age mein bhi blowing!!!!!!! I read somewhere that sneezing opens up the lungs...at the rate my beloved sneezes, that is @ about 20 blood curdling sneezes a day...his lungs would have expanded enough to accommodate Earth, Mars and half of Jupiter*

And he says,
“Baby, please be strong...” *ya right, as if that’s not what I have done for 50 years of my blessed life...I could give Arnold Swarzeneggar...or whatever way that is spelt, his run for money in this game*
“The doctors did some tests on you...” *whoa...he offered me as a guinea pig? I knew it...those damn life insurance policies in my name would tempt him enough some day to put me up as a bait*

“And there’s bad news....you have lukatmerokfromasia!”
I take in my saliva...
“You mean to say I have the ‘look-at-me-I-rock-from-Asia’ attitude?”
“No baby...it is a new disease...that blah, blah, blah.... *you don’t want the gory details of it now, do you? Let 2027 come and they would have come up with a definition of it...till then spare me dude....helloooooooo I am dying, that’s the least you can do!*

“You just have 4-5 days more to live....”
And buwahaaaaaaaaaaa....nope that’s not another disease or a big laugh...that’s my beloved howling at the top of his expanded lungs at the thought of perhaps...“Who would pack my suitcases now when I go travelling? Who would put my clothes in the wardrobe or my food on my plate? Who would cut my eyebrow hair when they grow too long? Who would pretend to be asleep if I come too close every, as in EVERY night?” And the bawls would make the hospital staff wonder if the entire women-kind has been doomed to disappear in 5 days and hence the mourning*

I look at the walls....blank faced*oh come on...how would I know how else or best to react in this situation? Pehle kabhi kisse ne bola he nahi ke mere pass sirf 5 din hain jeene ko*

I now remember how some twenty years ago I would brag on a funny blog that I had created about how I would like to get tapko-ed or parlok sidharo-ed at the age of 50....
*Damn your accounts bhagwan ji...tabhi kaan laga ke sun na tha ke mein kya maang rahi hoon? Where were you when I asked you to bring me Hrithik Roshan? Where were you when I asked you to make me 36-24-36 or make it 40-22-34 since we are getting it custom made anyways? Where were you when I asked you to let me help a passer-by on the road from getting crushed under a truck and he happening to be a millionaire who would sign up his millions in my name and die the next die anyways?
Where? Where? Where?
Some sense of timing you have! Hmphf...aapse to upar aake nipat te hoon!

Phew! So I am finally on my death bed now...after taking three pages in reaching here from the title that you read above....I better make the destination as worthwhile as your journey
*mere naazuk kandhon pe umeedon ka itna bojh...still I don’t f@#$ing lose any weight!*

Let me see now...just 5 days to live...!!!!!!!
I need these many days just to write farewell speeches to my friends, family, students, associates and chance encounters....my crushes and could be crushes...my relations and those who pretended to be ones or I pretended to be theirs...Not to forget the doodhwaala and the maali bhaiyya...the watchman*how I miss having a pet now...my speech would sound so much more complete* and our club desk hottie boy who always asked my beloved “Aaj bhabhi ji nahi aayen?” whenever I would not come. And also “Aaj aap bhaiyya ko chodh aaten phir” whenever I would come with him!*chodh matlab leave okay*

I put up a status on my face book....
“Gone in 120 hours...milna hain to abhi mil lo...waise agar 20 years of my face book life mein yeh shubh kaam nahi kiya...to aapka jeena vyarth hain...you deserve to die before me!”

I send a mass phone text message...“Yeh sewa 5 din baad se uplabdh nahi hoge kyonki iska prayog karne waale bhagwan ko pyaare ho rahe hain*you had your chance and lost it dodo*...is liye aayen aur apna shouk prakat karen”*abe shauk nahi...shouk ya shock bhi chalega...shauk ke umar to guzar gaye hoge na ab tak!*

I now look forward to a line and horde of secret admirers queuing up outside the room to get a glimpse of me or tell me before I die that they loved me...but couldn’t confess to it all their life* ya right...you have as bad a sense of timing as bhagwan ji...kya bhagwan, apne he prototypes he mere ass pass rakhne the...double hmphf!*

I imagine all my students whom I have served*not just with my teaching skills but also an ideal location for a date away from the zaalim duniya*to come up to tell me how I changed their lives...

I conjure up a scene where there is a stampede of sorts outside the hospital premises and such an uproar created that the media shutterbugs soon drop in to find out what’s passing!

And to my beloved and family members...
I gave you 50 years of my life didn’t I? Please give me the last 5 days of it for myself...
To flirt till my little heart bursts...literally*you didn’t give me the chance to pursue my hobby during my lifetime...now’s the right time to regret and lament for it...aakhir aap sab ko bhi to upar he aana hain...let me die a happy woman and I’ll make sure I keep good things/breeds waiting up for you when you drop in...up...finally*

To say quotes that go down in the lanes of history, like
“If you would not like to be forgotten as soon as you are dead...either write things worth reading or do things worth written about” *I have tried the former and failed...now all my money in the last 5 days would be on the latter...just DO it!*
Though my concepts of “do”ing things is a little lop sided like I am:
Old concept: Do or die
New concept: Do before you die
Latest concept: Don’t die until you do
My basic concept: What to f@#$ing do?*

To eat all the food I always wanted to eat, without bothering about weight gain*as if I ever bothered about it anyways*, to hand out my khoon paseene ke kamaye hue jewellery to those who’ve been nice to me*in case you haven’t, there are still 5 days to make up...and technically some 18 years actually from 2010*, to give a piece of my mind to all those who were mean to me*let them suffer with my mind pieces for the rest of their blessed lives as I have suffered with it through mine*

So my beloved finally asks me...
“Baby...is there something you want?”
“Yes darling...could you get me my beautician for a last facial...I must look good in white when you take me!”
“But you always look good in anything...I am sure you’d be the prettiest dead woman ever!”
“Thanks...but since it’s my last chance...why take chances honey?
I must get a new hairstyle also...one that would look good while lying down”
“I would miss you sooooooooooo much”
“Awwww....I will too. But don’t worry, I’d drop in every now and then to say “Whooo hooo...look who’s back!” especially when you’d be doing other women or hit you on your head and make you look around at who-dunnit!”
“Baby...haven’t you heard...you are supposed to RIP...matlab Rest In Peace and not RIP apart your beloved’s chances of happiness finally!”
Uffffffff...can’t even say here...“Yeh sun ne se pehle mein mar kyon nahi gaye” coz that’s already in the cards...



So there...now I wait for Lady Death or make it Dude Doom to come and embrace me...My signing off note:
“Duniya waalon...mere yaad mein aanson na bahana...
Jab zyaada yaad aaye to upar he chale aana...
Mil kar karenge gaana bajaana, hasna hasaane, shor machana,
Ho aise maut ke yaad rakhe yeh zamana, mera tashreef upar le jaana!”

I Feel Caged!

I feel caged, I feel caught
I feel restless though in thought...
A throbbing numbness within
Tempting to desire, daring to sin!

I feign black, I act white
A clear haze, though not in sight...
I look around for whiter black clouds
Poking and ruffling my surfacing shrouds!

I dance with sanity, settling the insane
Basking in the glory, wilting in the shame...
I try to sew or make sense of my urges
Striving within old boundaries for new merges!

I feel fingers at my windpipe
Dismay for the droop in the ripe...
Un-feeling the verity of being parched in any rain
I’ve learnt to fake-smile through any pain!

Every day I have half lived and half died
Half self crib and half self chide...
Would I soon become a faded bloom?
Would I soon portray the lively doom?

I am searching for me and what I want
Thirsting for truth while aching with doubt
I erase the lost victories and remember the forgotten
Is it possible to expect life growing from the rotten?

I feel caged I feel caught
I feel this, that and what not!
I give I want, I fulfil I desire
I animate I freeze, I give up and again aspire!

To Sachin Tendulkar..from a layman..err..a laywoman..uff..whatever!

Okay...first things first...
1. I have not watched a cricket match in like maybe a decade now*stop giving me those ‘if-looks-could-kill’ looks and don’t ‘eewww’ me as an outcast either...I’d sue you for discrimination or racism or something like that*I think it has not been since I got married and thereby got interested in ‘other’ games*wink, wink*

2. I don’t have much idea about Sachin’s strokes except some few of what he does on the field*hehe...yiyyeee(along with my jump on the bed n doing the famous yippee dance) Now go ahead and contradict me on this one you Sachin fanatic...tell me of his strokes in the confines of his bedroom...huh huh...bolo, bolo...ab chup kyon ho gaye?*

3. ‘Square cut, hook and straight drive’ are terms that send my gullible mind in TOTALLY different connotations*please don’t ask me to elaborate...already a dear friend and reader here has suggested ‘adult filter’ for my posts...after this I would get space only under Rakhi Sawant’s quotes* And as if that’s not enough...cricket has more terms to divert my innocent, straight-assuming line of thought into lateral thinking...silly point, gully point, fine leg???????????????? *now can you really blame me?*

3. Whenever I think of Sachin...I somehow picture him bending down a little to adjust the positioning of his legs, with his bat raised high*please don’t kill me...I have nice things to say too, I promise**and no I don’t have a one track mind either*

4. Dear father, forgive me for I have erred...I have watched him more in the commercials *"aile pepsi"* than doing that thing he does on the field*okaaaaay I am sulking now and you win...I truly am a loser...stop copying my yippee dance...it only looks good on me...on anyone else it seems like a rip off from the circus...that should calm you down!*

5. I always quote him while flirting with a younger guy... “Age is just a state of mind....see Tendulakar’s wife is older than him...yet they click and how”*needless to say I never win the guy at the end of this reference*

6. I can copy Sachin’s squeaky voice*oh now come on...even for a fan...you’ve got to have some amount of reasonability...nobody’s perfect and you’d admit that Sachin can never be a NOBODY...yiye yiye...finally got you on this one now...And you don’t even give me one of Sachin’s trophies for this...acha, 2-4-5 crores he de do uske yaar*

7. I also HAVE to go against Sachin’s case when my students tell me... “Ma’m what’s the point in studies? See even Sachin never went to college and look where he is now!” *I have to remind this wise guy then that if Sachin didn’t go to college at least he wasn’t caught behind the bush like you are often...I also have to tell him that this is not how you score a ‘sixer’ and hitting upon 50 girlfriends do not qualify for half a century!*

8...oye no 8...*bas seven he bahut hain...they call it “lucky seven” for nothing...maybe after this you’d still continue to read...*



Here are some great quotes that have been circling around since that 200 Sachin got for himself...
*I make 200 everyday...200 passes that is...and nothing ever echoes back to me except ‘grrrrr....hush...hurrrr’*
Darn...some guys have all the luck...I wish some of his lady luck brushed down on me too*and by the lady I don’t mean Anjali and by brushing down...errr.....never mind!!!!*

"Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it."
Said Hashim Amla, the South African batsmen
*Ya, right...if we get to board that plane that is...after being hounded by the press n public all through the way!*

"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
Andrew Symonds wrote on a t-shirt for Sachin
Hmmm...but if you’d all be Sachin...imagine the plight of his wife Anjali...!!!!!!!!
*okay if I am killed by the end of this...mom, dad...I love you and my dear beloved...please take a while before getting those insurance claims on the life policies you issued in my name...smart guy you are, I now realize...you knew I’d be assassinated sooner or later for my big mouth*

"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar."
- Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai.
*Ooo Sachin...please adopt me...I promise to be a good girl...err...woman...and write better stuff about you and watch every match and even their repeats and never ever insist on sleeping between you and Anjali mom*

'I Will See God When I Die But Till Then I Will See Sachin'
- A banner in Sharjah
*now I can only wish I were some female form of Sachin Tendulkar...of course taller, with a huskier voice, sexier n with long straight hair n playing 'other' games...Acha okay...the only similarity should be the way he is idolized yaar...ufffffffffff...half the world's GUYS are crazy about him even though he's not a gal with assets...**P.S. add the bank balance too, to list of similarities*

To sign off guys...there’s just one Sachin Tendulkar and we all love him....
*Amit, this last sher I have taken from your status...thanks to you, Saurabh and Rishi for your quotes that inspired me to this post*

“तुम बुलंदियां चुमते रहो, हम यूँ ही उड़ते रहे , तुम मील के पत्थर बनाओ , हम सफर करते रहे | तुम यूँ ही जीतते रहो, हम यूँ ही जश्न मनाते रहे.. तुम यूँ ही खेलते रहों, हमें ज़िन्दगी मिलती रहे !”

I Miss Missing You!

And then he asked her,
Did you miss me while I was gone?

And then she looked soulfully at him and said,
“I missed missing you!”

Not satisfied, half dubious and half baffled, he probed for his mad heart given to infinite love even after years of togetherness, suddenly needed a childish reassurance.
He wanted to hide it...
She wanted to hide that she had seen it!

She wanted to pull his leg after he had pulled her to him-the first long stretch of separation had pulled at the chords of their emotions.

He looked questioningly at her, so she smiled, giving up the tease.

And she said, Let me make up for all that I rarely say now...
For all that I feel still and all that you might wanna hear of me always.

I have pined for the feel of your bodily presence just a few inches away, for whether within my reach or not, yet it is so reassuring to know if I stretched my hand out to touch you, you’ll be there.

I nag about getting less time with you but when I don’t get even those few hours of the day with you, I realize how they are enough to keep me going!

24 hours without seeing you or getting embraced in a tight hug and I begin to crumble like the petals of a flower left unsheltered in the sweltering sun!

I don’t mind then, whether you are just engrossed in the newspaper, watching the television more intently than me, forgetting to notice if I had a new haircut or just nodding while I rant about all that went haywire in my newly tried and spoilt lemon cheese cake*which you more than make up by gulping it all down eventually*

For I know when I need you to react, I just need to have a five minutes of silent expression on my face and then you’d be calling me five times from work to ask me if all is okay.

It’s like I am used to of the thought of you being around me...
The dread of you being away never crossed my mind because I think this as unthinkable!

You may not be any Superman despite the red ones that I got you, yet you make me feel armoured, snug like an embryo not wanting to bloom.

I derive pleasure from watching you move around me doing the mundane-whether it is related to me or not!
I watch you when you sleep like a baby*looking so cuddly*, snore when you are over worked*though you refuse to accept it*, talk on your cell phone while watching the walls, sing along the lyrics of songs*which you have no clue of* and dance like nobody’s watching you.

I try to remember your touch that gives me goose bumps and tug at my arms with my own hands to feel that feeling again.



I snuggle at your skin in a long sniff so that the feeling lives with me through the day*how I wish I could bottle up your natural fragrance!*

It makes me smile within when you stare at me while I unconsciously slip back that lock of hair behind my ear, when it playfully falls on my forehead or I bite my lips in thought...

When you put a finger on your chin, watching me puzzled whether to wear the red tunic or the pink one. I ask you to tell me which I should pick and you laugh with a jeering glee, for despite your expert opinion, you know I would pick what ‘I’ like eventually...

I notice with sly delight, how you akimbo right in the middle of the room, trying to rewind in your mind the errand that was just there a split second ago and now you can’t remember it. I scrunch my nose also unseen to you when you frown about it.

I may harass you to keep your things in order, but look forward to picking up the wet towel from the floor or the worn shirt spread across the chair...the primness of the surroundings were tormenting me more!

I cry my guts out when you forget to be romantic or talk less than you did before yet thank my lucky stars constantly that you don’t forget to be ‘you’.

I may say a hesitant ‘yes’ when you ask me for permission for a boys’ only night out but never do you say an insistent ‘no’ even when I act unreasonable.

When you talk and I show that I am listening to you with undivided attention but I am actually constantly distracted by the way your palms and eyes express more than your words....

So even when you are there and not in my arms...I miss you with your presence.

And when you were gone...
I missed missing you!